Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Buyer's Remorse Dept. - Ike Godsey Hosts!

"Look into my eyes ..."
Ike Godsey learned his acting skills at Lee Strasberg's famous Method Acting Correspondence School ("There's Method In Our Madness!"), having seen the ad in a Teenage Tidiness Patrol comic. You know him as Grandpa Grumby in T.V.'s long-running Cowsill Island, but did you know his dependence issues with vintage vinyl left him destitute?

FMF©: Thanks for dropping by, Ike!
IG: It's a pleasure to be able to ignore the coronavirus curfew, Farq!
FMF©: So - how did you get the name Ike?
IG: It's short for Ikuhar, which is Pennsylvania Dutch for "attractive horse wrestler."
FMF©: And you've brung a couple of albums?

IG: Surely do! I'm always buying shit albums. In fact, I buy shit albums exclusively. So I just picked a couple at random. First up is, what the fuck, oh - The Sidewinders. Seminal power-pop from 1972. Great line-up - Andy Paley! Lenny Kaye producing - what could go wrong? I dunno. It's okay, I guess. Rendezvous is pretty good. I don't play it. You want it?
FMF©: How much?
IG: Buck fifty? Buck and a half?
FMF©: Nah. I'll pass. What else?
IG: This looked like the business. The World Of Good And Plenty. I don't think that was their real names, though. It's kind of charming, I guess. Dippy hippy shit. Tell ya what. Two bucks the two? I need the bus fare.
FMF©: Why, that's some nerve you got there, Ike Godsey! You know how many hits this piece will get? Even if you wear a bikini, it'll struggle to get into single figures. Lan' sakes! Nobody gives a shit about this shit! Here - take your two lousy bucks. Do me a favor - keep the albums. An' get outta here! G'wan! Scram!
at

15 comments:

  1. FiveGunsWestMarch 25, 2020 at 3:50 PM

    Holy sh!t! I try and not take all the first links. Let 4 and a half other guys get some action and look at this. I can't believe it. Probably out trying to cash their 12.00 goobermint bailout checks. Brother, can you spare a link?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Farquhar Throckmorton IIIMarch 25, 2020 at 4:16 PM

      Don't sweat it, Fivgeuns. I know for a fact the other three or four guys are napping, or having their diapers changed, or being spooned pablum from a plastic bowl, or looking for their reading glasses, or standing still until they remember what they came into the room for. Or a combination of these activities. They'll be along soon.

      (Ike wants his couple of bucks for these, btw.)

      Regret purchases.

      Delete
    2. pmacMarch 25, 2020 at 8:10 PM

      Anyone seen my keys?!?

      Delete
    3. MrDaveMarch 25, 2020 at 11:46 PM

      All of the above here -- now what was I doing here? .... Not sure if anyone else noticed but my keen and well trained eye noticed that clever subliminal thing you did with the photo there. That should increase sales here for sure!

      Delete
  2. AnonymousMarch 25, 2020 at 4:56 PM

    Dear Master Farquhar, dear esteemed members of Five Guys assocs,

    just to let you know how much I cherish your daily interludes at the House of Foam during this period of confinement. I am not a native speaker, so I can't match your level of wordcrafts and puns, but be sure I appreciate following the lively debates of a bunch of articulate fellows like yourselves!
    Greetz from Belgium and take care
    Wimp

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Farquhar Throckmorton IIIMarch 25, 2020 at 5:23 PM

      Welcome, Wimp! You are our Four Or Five Guy from Belgium - land of windmills and tulips!

      (And youse speak English better than some of us I could mention ...)

      Delete
    2. pmacMarch 26, 2020 at 12:07 AM

      I resembles thatz comment, mon fuhrer

      Delete
    3. FiveGunsWestMarch 26, 2020 at 8:11 AM

      Salut M. Wimp,
      Salutations et félicitations. Bienvenue Bienvenue. À la fin des années 70, beaucoup de mes amis et moi avons déménagé à Bruges. Je suis ravi de vous voir ici. J'ai besoin de frites avec mayonnaise. Les vrais me manquent. J'ai hâte de passer plus de temps. Être bien.

      Delete
  3. AnonymousMarch 25, 2020 at 6:46 PM

    Thank you Master! If I may just correct the references to our national features (but maybe you mixed them up intentionally to tease the guys?):
    Belgium is the land of beer and fries, we leave the tulips and the windmills to our northern cousins.
    Wimp

    ReplyDelete
  4. sambgodotMarch 25, 2020 at 6:53 PM

    Notallonus fourorfiveblokes am wizuds with waireds and and wunceapunatoimes. Thoseonus from Gornal am still appy t' put the pig on the wall t' watch the band goo past.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMarch 25, 2020 at 7:12 PM

    This is so true and it reveals the true connoisseur!
    But for reasons of symetry I restrained myself to just two. And as I am not much of a chocolate man myself, I took the others.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Crab DevilMarch 26, 2020 at 12:33 AM

    Now that I've remembered how to use my reading glasses,
    I suddenly understand what MrDave is talking about. That's
    a sneaky pic, for sure!

    With reference to what Wimp is talking about, all that came to
    mind for me at first is that the country in question must be
    where they grow the waffles. After that, of course, I recalled
    the old blog "Tuning," which reviewed the 60s compilation album
    "Twist and Frit" in a post titled "IF IT ROCKS LIKE FUCK, IT
    MUST BE BELGIUM."

    As for what sambgodot is talking about, it's an education in
    itself. Why can't I think of stuff like that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Farquhar Throckmorton IIIMarch 26, 2020 at 1:13 AM

      The waffle harvest has been affected by the coronavirus crisis. Waffles are left to rot in the fields as fearful workers remain indoors. Panic buying has cleared the shelves of Belgium's world-famous "Walloonwaffels".

      "There is only the Kelp flavor left!" complained frustrated consumer Wanda Wouters yesterday.

      Delete
  7. Crab DevilMarch 26, 2020 at 3:26 AM

    Some may be surprised to learn that there even IS a kelp flavor.
    But let's not forget that line from the old broadside ballad: "And
    then did they kerfluffle off Belgium's waffly shore."

    ReplyDelete

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