Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Band With Shit Name Makes Swell Records Dept. - Garcia Peoples

Rare shot of Young People Today getting life by the nuts.

In Stephen Thomas
Pencilneck's definitive Encyclopædia of Shit Band Names (Pompousass Press, 2021) Garcia Peoples get their own chapter. What could they have been thinking? Well about Jerry, I suppose, and how they were in some sense "his people". A mumbled remark that should have been immediately forgotten in the thick fog of bong smoke. But no. They're stuck with it, and so are we. Which is a shame. A damn shame.

Very little *finger-waggle* contemporary music avoids a quick slide into my trash bin. I freely admit this ain't my world any more, and young people, while being individually fine upstanding human beings, collectively know shit, and do less. But sometimes - through blind luck as much as anything else - they make music that grabs me by the hair in my ears. I had a real hurdle to jump with their name, which is still something I can barely bring myself to type, leave alone say out loud. But every time a track by them comes up on shuffle, it stops me in my shuffling tracks and I pay attention. Yes, their record collection is as clear to me as if I was doing the butt-crack crouch in front of it, but it's not only the Dead. And they do something special with their influences, more than just copying (wupes - channeling, referencing). They're inventive, lively, thoughtful, adroit, and just tuneful enough. Plus, they're a real guitar band, so yay. Here's a bunch of their stuff. Like, digsville!

Note: GP Foamfeatured© antecedently, but not as comprehensively, and anyway, youse bums probably missed it. I'd put money on it.

Monday, September 27, 2021

T.V.'s Th' Fonz Wus Wr - Wro - Wr - Dept. - Quadrophenia

Foam-O-Graph© - Nuance out th' ass!

You'll know T.V.'s Th' Fonz from the popular and long-running show Mork N' Mindy, featuring the young Quentin Tarantino as Shitface. Tarantino famously went on to helm H'wood blockbusters The California Raisins Movie and Carrot Top's Christmas [are you sure about this? - Ed.]. The' Fonz famously jumped the shark - the first celeb to do so! And who can forget [apart from me? - Ed.] his endearing character quirk of never admitting to be wrong, a word he - hilariously! - couldn't even get out of his mouth!

In what is sure to be a FoamFlagship® series, T.V.'s Th' Fonz has agreed to "'fess up" about the albums he wrongly dismissed at the time but has grown to appreciate and even love!

For our series premiere, T.V.'s Th' Fonz has chosen an album that few now listen to, on account lack of whistleable tunes, forbidding length, and incomprehensible story. We relaxed in th' IoF©'s three wall maltshop set whilst Kreemé [18 my ass - Ed.] served signature Party Cheese n' Beetroot malteds.

FT3 Hey! T.V.'s Th' Fonz! Lookin' good n' greasy!

TVTF Heyyyyyy!!!!!

FT3 Heyyyyyy!!!!

TVTF Heyyyyyy!!!!!

FT3 So - leave us talk Quadrophenia!

TVTF Quadrophenia is the sixth studio album by the English rock band the Who, released as a double album on 26 October 1973 by Track Records. It is the group's second rock opera. Set in London and Brighton in 1965, the story follows a young mod named Jimmy and his search for self-worth and importance [citation needed]. Quadrophenia is the only Who album entirely com-

FT3 Waitta furshlugginer minute there, T.V.'s Th' Fonz! You're reading this off of your telephone! This is the wikipedia article!

TVTF It ain't - is not - 

FT3 What kind of maroon do you take us for? Think the Four Or Five Guys© won't pick up on this?

TVTF Uh - (two-thumbs up gesture) Heyyyyy!!!! (slumps) I got nuthin'.

FT3 This is majorly, majorly disappointing. You've let me down, you've let th' Four Or Five Guys© down, but most importantly, you've let you down. Got anything you'd like to say?

TVTF Uh ... I wus wr- wro- wr-

(boos, Bronx cheers from invited audience)


(Note from Farq: I intended to do an in-depth think-piece about Quadrophenia, because it's an album I've only recently discovered. But then I thought - fuck it.)


Friday, September 24, 2021

The Boss Recovery™ Dept. - Human Touch




The first mis-step in Springsteen's career was the botched simultaneous release of Human Touch and Lucky Town. Packaged like gas station cut-outs, it was a strange way of kissing off the E Street Band. They sold, because he'd built a bullet-proof fanbase by this time, hungry for rock n' roll after the five year wait since the muted Tunnel Of Love, but the critical reaction was brutal. He'd dumped the world's most-loved band for session musicians playing A.O.R.? What the actual?

Springsteen started recording Human Touch in '89, but his crippling indecision and lack of confidence (hello clinical depression) kept delaying the release until he realised he'd already shifted gear into Lucky Town, well into '92. There was no right way to do this, so he went with the wrong. Long-time fans felt betrayed, critics sneered, and when the dust finally settled Lucky Town got grudging approval, while Human Touch remained the pariah for its smooth, radio-friendly production, and lack of both throat-scorching anthems and dustbowl misery. And it was just too damn long.

Critics predictably dismissed the Human Touch outtakes on Tracks, probably without hearing them, because by this time critical consensus had compressed into diamond-hard fact. Fooey, I say. And fooey on the fans, too: in 2012 they ranked it Springsteen's worst album in an online poll. It's generally better to disregard both critics and fans alike, they're all idiots, and make your own mind up, preferably led by my opinions, which are swell.

Human Touch, as released, was too short, a compromised album-and-a-half that confused everybody. The Tracks outtakes are in no way inferior, adding variety and depth, songs that would be high points in anyone else's œuvre [Fr. - egg - Ed.]. The playing is superb - sneering at "session musicians" should be a crime - and the album sounds fantastic. Jon Landau finds the bass at last, and The Two Bobs - Clearmountain and Ludwig - ensure not a frequency is lost. If you can bear to, compare and contrast the headachey later productions of the cauliflower-eared hod-carrier Brendan O'Brien.

The old loyalties and disappointments have become irrelevant - this is a fine piece of work, and a very long way from his worst. If you care at all about Springsteen, you'll already rate the splendid Lucky Town, but the rubbish written and unthinkingly repeated about Human Touch might have put you off. Kick critical consensus to the curb, and - if you're still blessed with the ability - let it rock.

That track list in full (click to tumesce):







(This is the last in the series, non-Springsteen types will be relieved to hear. Thank you for your understanding in this matter.)



Thursday, September 23, 2021

Rock Hudson's Radium Radiogram O' Records Dept.

Foam-O-Graph© - "Mommy! Make it go away!"™

You'll know granite-jawed Rock Hudson from his steamy scenes with Doris Day in such wholesome cinematic fare as Lesbian Lavatory Lust, Rim Job!, Amputee Rape Carnival 2, and Mental Home Mayhem [are you sure about this? - Ed.], but did you know he's also ahead of th' R.I.A.A. curve in his passion for home entertainment, hi-fi style? That's right, subscribers!

Rock invited us into his subterranean man-cave to demonstrate his swell new audio set-up! "It's powered by a core bundle of Strontium-90 isotypes, delivering 6.5 watts R.M.S. through a modded Orbitrap mass spectrometer, enabling high-resolution native MS analysis of 0.8- to 2.3-MDa prokaryotic 30S, 50S and 70S ribosome waveforms and the 9-MDa Flock House virus. The instrument's improved mass range and sensitivity exposes unexpected binding of the ribosome-associated protein S.R.A., with a wide soundstage, crisp highs, and a firm, buttery bottom end! How I like it!"

Rock demonstrated the set-up's impressive sound with a favorite album! "I have to say, I was a little disappointed after buying it mail order [laughs] because the title sounded, uh, attractive - but it's a swell platter and I'm sure th' Four Or Five Guys© will dig it!"

Recognize long-playing L.P. record spinning on Rock's gleaming spindle? If you do, leave clew, hint, cunning allusion in comment! Don't name directly!

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Babs Spits In Th' Eye Of Authority Dept.

It’s 1958 [writes Babs - Ed.] and I’m outside my family’s house in Brooklyn Heights, New York City, where I’m waiting for my mother to take me to my weekly piano lesson. My brother and his friends are having a spitting contest on the street. My brother called out to me: “Hey Babs, watch how far we can spit!” With that, they all started spitting, as if it was some kind of Olympic event. I asked my brother, “How do you spit that far?” He told me: “It’s easy, swish your mouth around, until you have a big wad of saliva, take a deep breath, and spit it out as hard and fast as you can! Go ahead, Babs see how far you can spit!” So I followed my brother’s instructions, and just as the spit left my mouth, I heard my mother’s voice. “Babs! What are you doing? That’s unladylike behavior!

Ten years later…
My brother was listed as missing in action during the Tet Offensive in Vietnam, when his cargo plane was shot down, long story short: he survived, but at the time, I never thought I’d see him again. Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy did not survive. My mother told me my father was having recurring nightmares about when he served in The Second World War. Myself, I was pissed off and upset about all of it, and simultaneously having the time of my life at Caltech in Pasadena, California. As Charles Dickens wrote, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times ...

On campus, Students for a Democratic Society (SDS) were handing out flyers for a Peace Now Rally, a march from Caltech to the bandshell in Pasadena Memorial Park. The day of the march, a few friends from my dorm and I gathered on campus, waiting for the march to begin. My friend Jennifer showed up and said: “I’ve got some uppers!” and handed out black capsules like they were candy. The march started, and we started chanting "Bring the troops home now!” "Hell no, we won't go!” "Peace Now!” and the call of “What does democracy look like?” and the response of “This is what democracy looks like”. Things were peaceful, as we marched through Pasadena. Every so often, there was a heckler, who was promptly flipped the bird.

We marched in to Pasadena Memorial Park, and assembled in front of the band shell. Music was playing over the P.A. system. It was early evening, the sun was starting to set as various people gave speeches. The majority of the speeches were well written, and orated in a rational manner, while a few were well-meaning rhetoric, but a little eye roll inducing. The last speaker, however, was an over the top radical who called for violence, which I thought was strange, considering we were at the Peace Now Rally. The crowd was riled up, as we exited the park, and there were a few scuffles between anti and pro war supporters. By then the police presence was heavier, than it was earlier in the day. Things were turning violent, and ugly.

My friends and I stuck together, and I related to them something I read regarding what to do if protests turn violent. What I read was: hold both hands up, make two peace signs with your hands, and quickly walk away from the trouble. Walking away quickly was no problem for us, thanks to Jennifer’s “black beauties”. As we passed some police officers, someone (not us) made an OINK OINK sound, which made me smile. One of the officers, seeing me smile, thought I made the sound. So he grabbed my arm, and told me: “You need to shut up!” I told him: “It wasn’t me” he said: “I thought I told you to shut up! One more word out of you, and you will be arrested, OK?” foolishly I said: “For what?” he said: “That’s it, you are under arrest.” I reiterated: “For what?” he told me: “For being a stupid little hippie bitch, that’s what!” he cuffed me and told me: “I’m putting you in the paddy wagon, if you give me any problems, I swear to God, I’ll stick my nightstick up your c**t.” He walked me to the paddy wagon’s back doors, another officer opened the doors. While I was stepping up into the wagon, the officer who arrested me, held me still with one hand, put his other hand between my legs, roughly rubbed me, and said: “You like that, don’tcha, bitch?” In a nanosecond, I flashed back to 1958, and my brother’s spitting instructions, I turned my head around, and spit as hard as I could. And POW! Got ‘em right in his eye! At the Pasadena police station, I was charged with assaulting a police officer and inciting to riot. After being processed, I was put in a cell with other protesters I recognized from Caltech, two hookers and a drunk woman who was passed out on the floor, snoring loudly. Myself and the five other protesters from Caltech, started calling our selves: “The Caltech Six” which added much needed comic relief to our situation.

The next morning I was brought to municipal court, In the court’s holding cell, word got back to us, they’re dropping inciting to riot charges, but prosecuting drug and assault cases. When It was my turn to go before the judge, I waived legal counsel, after the arresting officer failed to show up. The judge read the police report, and said: “Spitting on a police officer? He looked up at me and said: “Well, that’s unladylike behavior! How do you plead?” I told the judge: “Guilty with an explanation” and explained to him what happened. When I got to part about the nightstick, the courtroom gasped, and gasped even louder when I told the judge about the officer’s hands on me. The Judge, who didn’t seem the least bit surprised, dropped the charges.

When I got back to my dorm I was exhausted from lack of sleep, the stress of being arrested, spending the night in jail and being in court. I rolled a big fat joint, put Thelonious Monk’s album Monk on my record player. While smoking the joint, I thought about the last twenty-four hours, and how Monk records always have a way of making me smile, and passed out during side one.

So here’s Thelonious' album, Monk. It was released in 1964, and tends to get overlooked. While it’s not his best album, it is a fun listen. I first heard the album in 1967, and it has a sentimental element to it, because one of the first songs I learned to play on piano was This Old Man which Monk retitled That Old Man which he plays as a 16-bar (AA-form) composition in E♭. Monk makes it sound so easy, until you try to play along with it. Later releases call it Children’s Song and Children’s Song (That Old Man) as it is on the expanded edition I’m linking. Other highlights include: Liza (All the Clouds'll Roll Away), April in Paris, Pannonica, Teo, plus a medley of Just You, Just Me/Liza (All The Clouds'll Roll Away), not on the original release.

It’s a really nice album. [Like, digsville! - Ed.]

Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Randy Randomguy's Romper Room O' Randomness Redux! Dept.

CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AT THIS IMAGE - THANK YOU - Foam-O-Graph© Corp.

Yes, subscribers! Tuesday is Random Day! It's that very special time of the week where you, th' Four Or Five Guys©, get to show how hip you are by listing the first five songs that randomly come up on your device in shuffle mode!

Of course you can lie, but at least tell us you're lying or the whole deal becomes a farce.

Monday, September 20, 2021

Gratuitous Bikini Babe "Honored" To Be Clickbait For Steve Shark Screed - Ethics Committee

Gratuitous Bikini Babe reveals ass, thoughts, yesterday. Foam-O-Graph© - "A Poke In Th' Third Eye!"™

Remember [asks Steve Shark - Ed.] the original Nuggets album – a double disc, twenty-seven track compilation of psychedelic-era music on the very hip Elektra label?

Amongst classics by the Standells, The Seeds and Count Five, there was a track by The Knickerbockers called Lies, which sounded almost exactly like the Beatles [who? - Ed.]. It was a great little piece of pop music and I thought it was just about the best track the Fab Four never recorded.

So that’s what this latest contribution to Th' Isle O'Foam©  is all about – ten of the best tracks never recorded by better known acts. Some very obvious and well known, others less so, but all, I hope, of some merit.

WARNING: You are entering a parody free zone!

The Beatles/The Knickerbockers Lies
Written by the Knicks’ Beau and Buddy in an hour with the intention of writing something Beatleish. They succeeded – it’s got “John” on vocals and very Ringo-alike drumming. Catchy.

Steely Dan/Monkey House Where’s Mantis Evar?
A very obvious homage to Fagen and the Dan with all the requisite ingredients: Carltonesque guitar fills, harmonies, horn charts and metronomic drumming, all brought together courtesy of the Breithaupt Brothers, who are well worth checking out. Indeed, they’ve been known to cover the odd Fagen song. Smooth.

The Byrds/The Lemon Pipers Through With You
Impressive stuff from a band who had to carry the “bubblegum” label to get ahead. This is a 9 minute freak out with lots of 12 string guitar, insane stereo panning, ethereal vocals and a raga feel that you can smoke banana skins to. Groovy.

Free/Cry of Love Bad Thing
A sparse but macho strut redolent of one of the UK’s finest rock bands. The bass and drums interplay is appropriately “free”. Guitarist Audley Freed went on to become a Black Crowe. Tumescent.

The Beach Boys/The High Llamas Nomads
If the vocals were just a bit richer, this could well be a “Pet Sounds” outtake – dig the trombones and banjo! The BB’s management was very interested in some sort of collaboration with the band’s eminence gris Sean O’Hagan, but it came to nothing in spite of a few meetings. Mellow.

Cream/Mountain Theme For An Imaginary Western
A gorgeous Jack Bruce and Pete Brown composition that really should have been recorded by Cream, and might have rejuvenated the band after Clapton got tired of 16 minute jams. Mountain’s version is very Cream like although Jack’s solo version is also great. Poignant.

Little Feat/Wet Willie Leona
More Bill than Lowell Feat. Featuring [ISWYDT - Ed.] Jimmy Hall who went on to make some great solo albums, it has a Dixie Chicken riff, slide guitar and some suitably exuberant vocals. OK, it ain’t the Feat, but it’s neat! Down home.

Bruce Springsteen/Jackie Leven Call Mother a Lonely Field
I didn’t realise that the late Leven (previously with Doll by Doll) was a Bruce fan until after I chose this track. It’s BITUSA style “Boss” and has that same grandiose vibe and even a crashing drum intro. Please bear with the strange bar noises and singing at the start, it’s well worth the wait! Anthemic.

The Rolling Stones/The Chesterfield Kings Walkin’ Blues
The vocals aren’t very Jagger-like, although they do have a certain gonzo charm all of their own, but it has that “Exile” atmosphere – dragged out pale, naked and blinking into the daylight from the depths of a damp and fetid cellar somewhere in the south of France – merde alors! Even more ragged than Exile’s “Stop Breakin’ Down”, you can imagine Mick Taylor on slide and t’other Mick on harp. Subterranean.

Miles Davis/Freddie Hubbard Mr Clean
How Miles might have sounded had he not drank quite so much of that brew back in 1970, it features an all-star band, with plenty of “WTF was that?” moments to keep it from being just another Creed Taylor production. Nice keyboard discords adding spice to the generally heavy funk, and even George Benson goes a little crazy at times. Dirty.

So, there you have it – ten of the best tracks that were never recorded by famous acts we all know and love.

There is, of course, an associated “mixtape”, and all suggestions for other tracks are extremely welcome!  

Sunday, September 19, 2021

World's Most Slappable Man Releases New Album Dept.

Photo is unretouched. Mr. Buckingham, unfortunately, is not.





The best thing - and the worst thing - the only thing - I can think of to say about *choke* Lindsey Buckingham is that he's the empenised iteration of Stevie Nicks. The elderly boy wonder has released a new album, What Am I, Chopped Liver? and I bet it's as fantastic as everything else he touched with his genius, so I'm not listening to it. The harrowing cover shows the heartbreak of elective surgery, but we can marvel that his ringlets are as adorable as ever, which is a blessing.

What better way to commemorate this iconic release than to FoamFeature© a swell long-playing L.P. record from Fleetwood Mac's curiousest period? Bonkers Bob Welch is aboard, with his improbably gorgeous melodies and his hospital radio D.J. glasses. Easy-going Danny Kirwan is here, just before he trashed the dressing room in a drunken rage for the last time, but thankfully batshit dashboard ornament Jeremy Spencer is off in the woods somewhere, eating dirt for God. 

This is Bare Trees, but not the one you have. Out goes Old Lady Reading Shit Poem (aww - your favorite track!), and in comes something which damn well should have been there first time around. Yay.


Saturday, September 18, 2021

Play Some New! Dept. - The Vonnegut Connection

The Telepathic Butterflies! You just know they're going to be swell, right? Even if you don't get the Vonnegut reference in their name and the album cover. If you did, smartass, expectations of a literary tone won't be disappointed. The lyrics are thoughtful, imaginative, and repay the sort of attention I haven't given them yet. Plus, they have a smartass sense of humor - dig that AN ALBUM starburst!

These guys is out of Wikipegia, which is like Canadia, but they eschew their Bachman Turner Overdrive heritage (*smirk*) to deliver a tune-fest of psychy power-type pop. Like Sloan on acid, but better. This is their first album - apparently there are two later releases, of which I am desirous. Leave us have a Telepathic Butterflies record party, right here on th' IoF©!

In keeping with the bookish tone of today's FoamFeature©, the album's literary inspiration is pre-bundled for you, Mr. and Mrs. Freeloadingbum of Griftertown, U.S.A.! If you ain't read a book yet, this is your ticket to Smartassville! Imagine the look on your pals' faces as you display Vonnegut's masterpiece in your tastefully appointed abode! Imagine the lively dialog which ensues!

(Harp glissando, wavy picture effect)

Your pals: Whut is dis shit?

You: Which it's a book, ya dumbasses.

Your pals: Sez you.

You: (pushing out chest): Yeah?

Your pals: (bellying up): Yeah.

You: Well, fuck you.

Your pals: No, fuck you.

(Feeble, misplaced blows are exchanged. Your pals fall into the coffee table, destroying it and your wife's three thousand-piece jigsaw of A Gracelands Christmas which you were tasked to frame.)


Friday, September 17, 2021

Delta Del Dept. - Performance Tips For Seniors

Delta Del working on his buttclench, yestiddy.



Today [wheezes Delta Del - Ed.] I’d like to share some of the unique insights I’ve gained from a lifetime filled with live performances, some real, some imagined.  These are my Top Six Tips. They are aimed at the senior performer, who after a lifetime filled with live performances, may find that they have become a sad old man, alone in a cheap room, so very alone, with nobody to even tell them that IT’S OVER.  

Where was I?  Oh yes … tips.

TIP 1.  The Dark Star Diaper

Readers may remember the Dark Star Diaper brand from the late 60’s.  Designed by Jerry Garcia, (formerly) made in the U.S.A., this iconic [you - outside - Ed.] brand is back and more absorbent than ever.  I bought the name, and I’m re-launching the product as Delta Del’s Dark Star Diapers.  There aint nuthin worse than havin to leave the stage for a comfort break in mid jam.  Imagine for a moment that it’s 1968 and you’re Jerry.  Far out!  But barely 45 minutes into Dark Star and you’re busting for a slash, or maybe aching to drop the kids off at the pool.  Go right ahead!  Dark Star Diapers can handle it, and no-one closer than 10 feet will ever know!  That’s the Dark Star brand guarantee.  Your reputation is protected, and so are your white silk flares.  Play it loud, play it funky, play it safe with Delta Del’s Dark Star Diapers.  

TIP 2.  The Flare-Cooled Wah

Always wear boldly flared trousers and align your wah-wah pedal with the bassdrum.  Air moved by the pulsing drum will flap the loose-fitting leg material and act to cool arthritic ankle joints, and the over-worked wah itself.  Flappin flares may also fan or siphon air upwards, cooling the entire varicosed leg en route to a sweaty, diaper-clad private zone where the need for cooling and ventilation is acute.

TIP 3.  The Prompt Pit

Insist that every venue provide a prompt-pit, constructed to your specification and staffed by members of your entourage.  The stage must be reconfigured to allow installation of a pit, shielded from the audience, serving you essential medication, correct lyrics, motivational mantras, and a selection of performance drinks and energy snacks as specified on your rider.  

TIP 4.   The Maximised Monitor

Many of you will have seen ageing rock stars in classic pose with head thrown back and foot rested on a front-of-stage monitor speaker.  What you perhaps did not realise is that they were following Delta Del’s Dynamic Displacement exercise routine.  Ideal for the older rocker, my workout regime flexes and tensions various key muscle groups while you throw those essential stage shapes.  The pelvic thrust toward crowd with left foot on monitor … that’s Exercise 4 in the Late Starters Module.  The crowd swoons, and the sagging biceps femoris is toned to perfection.  There is no sadder sight than to see a mature lead guitarist pull up in mid-solo with a torn hamstring.  Don’t let it happen to you.  

TIP 5.  The Dome-a-delic Deerstalker

You’re a senior rocknroller, you suffer the curse of hair loss, and instinctively you reach for the trilby and shades.  Really?  Is that the best you can do?  Introducing Delta Del’s Dome-a-delic Deerstalker, a flexible, close-fitting, mirror-ball bonnet, with concealed hearing aids embedded in the ear flaps.  Impossible to detect, hard to ignore.  The Dome-a-delic comes with a miniaturised lighting-rig halo attachment.  The effect is at once mesmeric and profoundly disturbing.  Try one today.

TIP 6.  The Contact Shades

As the eyes fade, the senior guitarist may find that wearing shades onstage makes it rather tricky to make out certain essential details.  Like where front of stage ends and oblivion begins.  Ever conscious of such health and safety issues, I have developed the Delta Del Dimmer, a black tinted contact lens.  No more worries that you’ll dislodge the Ray-Bans as you jump awkwardly from the drum riser and almost land that T-Bone split.  In fact the patented Max-Dim tint on your Delta Del Dimmers makes it absolutely impossible to see anything, that’s the Max-Dim brand guarantee.  This forces you to remain safely stationary at all times, protects your eyes from the Dome-a-delic lightshow, and allows you to focus 100% on the enhanced sound delivered by your Dome-a-delic ear flap hearing aids.  And possibly a bit on the smell from your bandmates’ diapers.  Goths will love the fact that you look like a black-eyed, soul-less ghoul.  And a new authenticity will accrue to your performance of blues numbers in particular, as you channel the great sightless bluesmen of old, men like Blind Melon Chitlin.  A tragic case, the teenage Melon was warned by his mother that if he kept playing with himself he would go blind.  He planned to do it just until he needed glasses, but he overshot.    


That’s all for today folks, but I’m here all week.  On my own, waiting for the end.



Help an elderly person get through another day by expressing comforting human kindness in a comment!





Thursday, September 16, 2021

Weapons Advisory Dept. - Light Only Pointy End Before Throwing

Winston Rodney
 [pictured left on a recent visit to th' IoF© - Ed.] is Jamaican Royalty. Today's loaddown is a deep jungle of rootsiness from the great man. I have no idea why roots reggae and dub should have made the immediate, unfiltered, unconscious connection with a white middle-class boy it did. It made me feel good, physically, directly, like no other music. It's copacetic, therapeutic, and some other word ending with tic that I can't think of right now. And its power is undiminished.

You may have some or all of this, so cherry pick, and let that deep heat permeate your bones. This is medicine music that makes no distinction in who it heals. We all need some of this right now.

Tuesday, September 14, 2021

The Boss Recovery™ Dept. - Darkness, Darkness


Rock critics, the solemn souls, tend to revere Darkness On The Edge Of Town for its stripped-down "honesty". Gone is the Spectorian sweep of Born To Run, but gone too, long gone, is the romance dance of The Wild, The Innocent, And The E Street Shuffle. The title says it all - this was where Springsteen found himself, trapped between the lights of the city and the endless night, more born to hide than run. There are songs of fist-pumping defiance here, but in the context of a depressing piece of work made by a depressed man. No denying it's good, but good for what? Staring into an empty glass, maybe, alone at the end of the bar. Shit happens. Where Springsteen offered redemption in Born To Run, there's no salvation here, just a big helping of nowhere to go.

The cover [left - Ed.] showed, he said, that side of him, the guy in the songs. Implicitly, then, not him. It's a make-over - Bruce as pretty-boy punk, pimped-up and primed for that last ride; but with its artfully disarrayed coiffure and James Dean sulk it looks fake rather than posed,  fake real. Its slight variation on the back cover - shall we try it without the jacket? whaddya think? with? without? - shows a lack of confidence and imagination. Either could have been on the front, neither should. Frank Stefanko, a great photographer, took many better shots, and we must blame The Boss's signature lack of visual suss. Colleen Sheehy, curator of the exhibition Springsteen: Troubadour of the Highway, sez they "show a sublime convergence of singer and image at a critical point in Springsteen's career", so what do I know. I know I'd never refer to Springsteen as a *choke* troubadour of the highway, fercrissake. The same photoshoot was used for the shitpost fanart - sorry, sublime convergence - cover of The River. Our re-cover [above - Ed.] follows the literary approach of the others in the Boss Recovery™ program. There are very suitable Stefanko alternatives, but I wanted Bruce out of the picture, like a book jacket. Relax, girls - there'd be a fab pic - preferably a band shot - on the gatefold.

This album has slid down my ooh-want-to-hear-this list over the decades to the point where a recovery exercise wasn't as enjoyable as I hoped. It's a sullen thing, for the most part, and even the fist-pumping tracks tend to be compromised by a sense of obligation. Racing In The Street - incredibly - has the same story as the Beach Boys' ecstatic I Get Around but tells it as a funeral dirge, because this is how depression works. So my question is, why listen to this instead of that? It took Springsteen another couple of years to get happy, and while The River has risen (SWIDT?) in my appreciation and enjoyment, Darkness has fallen (SWIDT?). 

There are many, many, alternate and extended versions of this album out there, fan playlists and official releases, but this one is a little different, curated [you mean compiled, you jackass - Ed.] for playability, not archival completion. The few additions, I hope, let a little light into the darkness, and it's resequenced to avoid the original's side-long slides from defiance to defeat. The result is an album that doesn't depress quite so much shit out of the listener, which may not be according to your taste, but give it a spin on th' den Victrola anyways, why don'cha. Me, I'm heading back to the beach - surf's up!

That track list in full (click for biggenheimer):




Psychfan's Trip O' Th' Week - The Extended Family

By the time [writes Psychfan - Ed.] Family recorded the follow up to their great  debut LP Music In A Doll's House it was no longer cool in Britain to be a psychedelic band. The new album Family Entertainment was  "progressive". There were no 20 minute mellotron solos or lyrics about elves but there were also fewer conventional psychedelic devices (though there is a sitar on one track). 

However, the creative vision that made the first album so great was still intact. Two or three genres within a single song, lyrics that touch on romantic love in places but range far and wide for the most part and eclectic instrumentation mark almost all of the songs. The obvious exception being Second Generation Woman, composed and sung by future Blind Faith member Ric Grech. That one was conspicuously more conventional and was a minor hit for the band. 

I prefer to think of the genre as Post Psychedelic or Counterculture Phase II.
By the time the band made Fearless in 1971 Ric Grech had left, replaced by future King Crimson bassist John Wetton. The approach was quite similar, though with the eccentricity knocked up a notch or two. There were still plenty of compelling songs, like Spanish Tide, Burning Bridges and opener Between Blue And Me. This version of the album has a single from the same sessions added as bonus tracks.



Monday, September 13, 2021

Play "Am I Out Of My Fucking Mind?!?!" With T.V.'s Tom Cruise! Dept.


We all know
toothsome Tommy Cruise from his popular T.V. shows Thetan Patrol, Closet Encounters Of The Third Kind, and See Tom Run! so we were thrilled when he announced that filming of his new hit show Am I Out Of My Fucking Mind?!?! would take place right here on the Isle O' Foam©!

Tommy was gracious enough to grant us an interview in his luxury camper van during a break from filming!

FT3 Tombo! Th' Cruisemeister!

TC Please! Call me Sea Org Admiral Operating Thetan Level VIII!

FT3 You got it, Sea Org Admiral Operating Thetan Level VIII!! Say, this luxury camper sure is camper than everyone else's! I'm loving the black leather and chains! Tell us all about your new show!

TC Well, that's a great question, Farq! It's called Am I Out Of My Fucking Mind?!?! 

FT3 Ye-eah ... and that would be, what, exactly?

TC It's a fun-type quiz show. Hey! Thanks for finding us this great location among the lusty savages in the remote hinterland jungle of Fabulous False Memory Foam Island©!

FT3 I hear you're guest of honor at a big feast tonight! But before you go, why not try out a quiz question on th' Four Or Five Guys©?

TC That's a fun idea, Farq! Okay - (sticks finger up nose) - Am I Out Of My Fucking Mind, or is there an obscure free jazz album hidden somewhere on the set?

FT3 Join in the fun by hunting for the album and answering the question in a comment! First prize is ten minutes with Tom in a two-man hammock! Second prize, thirty minutes!







Sunday, September 12, 2021

Activism For The Elderly Dept. - Clarence Pune Takes The Knee

In this timely and provocative screed, Four Or Five Guy© Clarence Pune [78 my ass - Ed.] says Hi! To Healthcare, Canadia-Style! and scores hisself a free joint!

Age. Wear and tear. Clean living. These are the things that gang up on you and steal the gristle where the thigh bone’s connected to the shin bone. Some say that constant kneeling in church can also do in the tricky leg joint, but that’s one activity that I wouldn’t know about. It just started hurting at about age 78“Osteoarthritis,” the doc said. “The best treatment for you is a complete knee replacement.”

I of course Googled it and saw nifty diagrams of titanium hinges implanted underneath the old kneecap. Bionic Man sort of stuff and relatively successful with most primates. So I said “Okay, let’s do this, people.”

Here in British Columbia [as opposed to Canadian Columbia. Or Columbian Columbia - Ed.] we have that dreaded socialistic medical scheme which means it’s all free. The only drawback is a waiting list for non-emergency procedures. Walking without a limp is apparently a vanity procedure, so I waited a year and a bit.

Then I got the call. Show up at the university hospital on Wednesday next week at 8:00 am and arrange for a ride home on Friday morning.

"Only two nights in hospital following major surgery?"

"Yeah, stop wimping about it."

Well, no real drama to relate. They had me stumbling around on a walker very early next morning. Because I live one storey up in an apartment building without an elevator, I got confusing physiotherapy training on stairs using one crutch. (I ignored that when I got home and managed with a $9.95 cane from Katy Kripple's Krutch Kastle©  [text changed to avoid advertising - Ed.].

Now, exactly two months later, I don’t even need the cane, which is good considering that I do those stairs five times a day thanks to a dachshund with a delicate bladder [yeah, yeah, blame the pooch - Ed.].

So, if you’re in a similar situation, go for it .

Just tell your friends and neighbours that you’ll be away in hospital for a couple of days getting your cock shortened.


Saturday, September 11, 2021

Country Rock "Cure For Ivermectin" - Claim

Papa Nebo's sole album, from '71, is every bit as strange and gothic as the cover suggests. This is Americana before the term existed, creaks from the attic, sawdust hoedowns from the backwoods and the boondocks, a soundtrack for rakefights and hayrides.

Stranger still that the album was helmed [what? - Ed.] by seminal [give us a break - Ed.] rock n' roll producer Alan Lorber in the remote hillbilly township of New York. But Lorber was undiscriminating - he produced Ultimate Spinach's wildest psychedelic excess and Connie Francis.

When Papa Nebo split, bassist Sandy Allen and guitarist Michael Packer went on to form Free Beer. Funny name, right? Proto-clickbait. Put that on the poster, get people flocking to gigs. My problem with Humorous Band Names is they tend to devalue the act. The name and the yee-euch cover - that bloody puke's meant to be beer foam, right? - of their eponymous [you - outside! -Ed.] album put me off for years, even at cut-out prices. My loss. This is rich red wine, rather than free beer. Songs like old jeans, fine harmonies, playing sweet as that first sip. Bernard Purdie, Eric Weissberg ... and mouthwatering guitar from Mystery Musician Ronnie Renninger.

Their sophomore [kill me now - Ed.] album makes it three in a row ignored by the dull boys at allmusic, as well as the record buying public. Not by us on th' Isle O' Foam©, though, because we's got good taste out th' ass! Highway Robbery may be a long way from Papa Nebo, more Norman Rockwell than Andrew Wyeth, but still ... swell [at least you didn't say iconic - Ed.].


Trailer Star turned this creepiness up on an internet!

Thursday, September 9, 2021

Steve Shark Qs Up Some Records Dept.

FT3 welcomes the Q to th' Blessed Isle - and Foam-O-Graph© captures the moment!

I’d heard [writes Steve Shark - Ed.] about NRBQ - (the) New Rhythm ‘N’ Blues Quartet/Quintet - for years before I ever actually listened to them. They meant nothing in the UK and their name suggested that they were just another R&B band playing the same old R&B.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, there’s some R&B, but there’s also pop originals, standards, a little country and even a bit of jazz, notably Monk and Sun Ra.


Steve wins hisself this swell trading card [left - Ed.] and a place in the sidebar - the internet's Pantheon!

The Q – as they’re often known – have been through several line ups over the past fifty years, but the quartet of Terry Adams, Big Al Anderson, Joey Spampinato and the late Tommy Ardolino produced most of their better-known work and lasted the longest – nearly 20 years. Adams hated the band being called “eclectic”, saying that to him it’s all just music, but what else can you call a band that plays “Shake, Rattle & Roll”, “The Music Goes Round and Round”, Monk’s “In Walked Bud”, “This Old House”, “Take This Hammer” and some snappy original pop ditties all in the same freaking set?

They could – and often did – play anything. For several years, they had what they called “The Magic Box” at the front of the stage and the audience was invited to post requests in it. One would then be picked at random mid gig and the band would play it. They had to – it was the law! Sometimes it was great…sometimes it was terrible…but it was always entertaining. Magic Box requests ranged from “Stop in the Name of Love” through “People” and “Spinning Wheel” to “Alone Again (Naturally)”, and several points in between.

So, who are the Q?

Terry is the bastard keyboard offspring of Monk and Jerry Lee Lewis, Joey makes his Danelectro bass guitar sound like a double bass, Big Al is a solid guitarist who really drives the band, and Tommy was just a superb drummer and always right in the pocket. Plus they all sing, although Tommy rarely did. During their heyday, they were augmented by The Whole Wheat Horns who were more than capable of going along with whatever the quartet was doing.

So, what do the Q do?

Be under no illusions, this isn’t a sophisticated sounding band. This is essentially a bar band, with all the fun and looseness that implies, and a vast repertoire (500 songs apparently) drawn from almost every type of popular music.

So, how do you hear what the Q do?

And therein lies the problem – how do you demonstrate to somebody the sheer range, exuberance and talent of such a band? The Q has released about fifty albums, both live and studio as well as compilations with unreleased tracks added, for a number of labels, which perhaps indicates that their record companies didn’t really know what to do with them and why they didn’t keep them on their rosters.

Someone (I don’t recall who but it might have been Gandhi) once said if you have a choice of albums, always go for the live one rather than the studio, and this holds very true for the Q. Fortunately, some of their best live shows are available -as bootlegs - and the one I’ve chosen for public consumption on Th' Isle O'Foam© is from a 1980 gig at The Surrey, Rosendale NY.

It has all the hallmarks of a classic NRBQ show – some rockers, some originals, some standards and an overarching sense of fun.

No matter what you listen to by the Q, the one constant is Terry Adams, a musician of rare brilliance, who also pursues a solo career with forays into jazz. Nowadays he’s the only original Q member left in the band and a lot of the fun seems to have gone out of the music lately. I gather the original members aren’t on very good terms, which is a great shame as they so very obviously enjoyed playing together.

So, that’s the Q. One of my absolute favourite bands, although I can understand totally why some people might not enjoy them. There’s just too much to digest at one sitting and they really don’t make the process easy for you. They’re like a strange “all you can eat” buffet where the platters are piled high with goodies, with something for everybody, but with no regard as to what dishes you eat together and in what order. However, if you can stand (or sit) to eat chicken legs off the top of a strawberry cheesecake, they may be for you.

Bon appétit!












 

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

Halloween Special Dept. - The Grady Twins

©Foam-O-Graph - significance devoid of meaning!!


You'll know Alexis and Alexa Grady from their adorable cameos in Stan Kubrick's hilarious family-values movie The Shininess, but did you know they are also keen collectors of collectable collectors' collector records?

The gals dropped by th' Isle O' Foam© yestiddy to share their hobby with th' Four Of Five Guys©, and we relaxed in the lobby while I prayed for them to get back on their BloodLines Cruises™ ship The Old Indian Burial Ground.

FT3 (nervous laugh) Well, I guess you have to go now, gals!

AG We only -

AG - just got here!

FT3 (backing slowly away) Uh -

AG And we brought you loads -

AG - more jumble!

AG (sad face) But it got some blood -

AG - on it. Quite a lot of -

AG - blood. Mm. Can th' Four Or -

AG - Five Guys© tell what it -

AG - is? It's by our favorite -

AG - guitarist!

AG Hey! Where'd he go! Farquhar!

AG and AG (sing-song, together) Are we playing hide and seek?


NOTE: If you can't bring yerself to even squint at today's Foam-O-Graph© (the album's in the last frame), then there's a special bonus clew embedded in the text in the form of an an anagram of the artist's name! Oboy! Some fun, huh, gang?


Health Advisory: Do not look at the image posted in this piece. Th' IoF© cannot and will not accept responsibility for psychological and/or physical harm ensuing from wilfully flaunting this advice.

Monday, September 6, 2021

Babs N' Blue Take The Night Train


My Mom and Dad [Babs writes - Ed.] were in the restaurant/bar business in Brooklyn, NY. They had an Irish bar called Molly Maguire’s Pub and an Italian restaurant called Mario’s Trattoria. Neither were Irish or for that matter Italian. I remember my older brother cracking wise, telling my father: “You should open a Chinese joint, and call it: Sum-Dum-Fuk!" To which my father replied: “Why would I name a restaurant after you?”

In 1963, when I was sixteen, my mother and father opened a nightclub called Bentley’s, which attracted an African American crowd. Mom and Dad weren’t African American, either. My father was a mild-mannered WASP, originally from Kennebunk Maine, and my mother was a feisty French Canadian from Québec City.

One afternoon, I was out with my father, and we stopped by Bentley’s. Inside there was a long horseshoe shaped bar, an area with tables and a large dance floor, it had lots of lights and speakers on the ceiling. There was a stage at the end of the dance floor with a table that had audio equipment on it, and large speakers on the floor. The waitstaff were preparing to open, and setting tables. There were noises and aromas coming out of the kitchen. Standing behind the bar was a six-foot six black man, who reminded me a little of Little Richard. This was the first time I met Blue, who smiled at me and said: “You must be Babs, would you like a coca-cola, little lady? I nodded my head and replied: “You must be Blue, the DJ!” At home, I heard stories about what a character Blue was, so his reputation preceded him. My father went into the kitchen, and Blue said: “Let's play some records” he put on a record, and asked: “Do you dance?” so I started dancing. He watched me, clapped his hands, laughed and said: “What was that, the damn Bunny Hop? I’m going to call you Babs Bunny!” which he did, for the rest of his life.

My father came out of the kitchen with Alton who was Bentley’s manager who was also black, and looked like he played middle linebacker for the New York Giants. Blue introduced me to Alton as Babs Bunny and said: “Alton’s my roommate”. Later that evening, I told my brother about meeting Blue and Alton. My brother said: “You know what they are, right?” and I said: “Yeah, they’re Gay, so what,” this surprised my brother, and he said: “My little sis is growing up! They’re a pisser, right?” My brother was a wise ass, but a very cool one, especially for the time.

Around this time, my parents thought it was time for me to start learning the family business, so most afternoons after school, I went to one of the businesses. My favorite place was Bentley’s because Blue was there. In the kitchen I leaned to do food prep, and cook. In the main room, Blue taught me how to mix drinks, open wine bottles, set up tables and how to use the sound system. Every afternoon, Blue gave me a dance lesson, while R&B 45s played. He always yelled, “Let your backbone slip, girl! Let it SLIP!”. We had a dance routine, we did to James Brown’s Night Train. Bentley’s was known for its music, which was very “now” so every few weeks Blue gave me a pile of 45s he referred to as “over”. Blue also taught me to sip cocktails and smoke cigarettes, but that was our secret.

Throughout high school, I was waiting tables at Molly Maguire’s Pub and Mario’s Trattoria, which were all along the same subway line, as was Bentley’s which was off limits to me at night. So one night instead of going home, I dropped by Bentley’s to see what was going on, and to see if all the stories I heard were true. I could hear the music from a few doors away, and when I went inside the place was going wild. At the end of the dance floor was Blue spinning records, when he saw me, he waved me towards him. As I walked toward him, a hand grabbed my arm. It was Alton, who told me: “You ain't supposed to be here at this time of night, in this neighborhood, young lady!” Blue said to Alton: “Just one dance.” He picked up his microphone and said: “I’m going to dance this one with my girlfriend, Babs Bunny” which caused everyone to laugh. Blue played Night Train, and we did our dance routine. Afterwards, while Alton was escorting me out, to put me in a cab home, a black woman said to me: “Yeah, that was pretty good.” I thanked her. She said, “for a white girl”

When I went away to college, Blue and I wrote letters to each other, and every so often a package of 45s would arrive. During the summers when I returned to New York, Blue and I would party, only now weed entered the mix along with cocktails and cigarettes. One magical Sunday in the summer of 1968, we dropped acid in Central Park, did our Night Train routine by Bethesda fountain to the amusement of the hippies, and then visited The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

In the 70s, Alton and Blue moved to San Francisco, where they opened a Disco, and lived happily ever after. Whenever I hear James Brown, I think of Blue. So check the comments! 

Saturday, September 4, 2021

The Boss Recovery™ Dept. - Bring On The Band


John Hammond - the legendary John Hammond, as we always have to remind ourselves - signed Springsteen because he thought he heard the New Dylan. He liked the prolix troubadour, not the rock n' roller who'd been building a rep as a viscerally exciting performer since the late 'sixties. So the first album, Greetings From Asbury Park, is a compromise between what Springsteen (and his fans) wanted and expected, and what John Hammond wanted, and it's forever flawed as a result.

So what we have here is, sorta kinda maybe, the album Springsteen might have made, had he not had to accede to Hammond's well-meaning authority. Out go the angsty Guthrie strums, and in come the band compositions cut a little later and passed over for The Wild The Innocent And The E Street Shuffle. This isn't such a cheat as it looks on paper. The Wild is a perfect album, impossible to improve by addition or reduction or tweaking or a new cover. It is a masterpiece, and the rejected tracks didn't make the cut because they're not quite up there. Sonically, their thinner sound is more consistent with Greetings, and some of the lyric and melodic ideas resurface to greater effect on the third album. And guess what. Their incorporation creates a fantastic first album, twelve songs, each side finishing with an epic. It's like this was meant to be, and now it is. It captures the boardwalk strut of a rock n' roll band about to make it big, having the freaking time of their young lives, and I'll take this over anything post-Born To Run. And in a way it completes a seasonal trilogy; spring to the summer/fall of The Wild The Innocent And The E Street Shuffle, and the winter of Born To Run.

I've kept to the rules of using only tracks that Springsteen deemed worthy of release, and avoided the many bootlegs from this period. This isn't an archivist's complete recordings project - fooey on that - it's a playable album, one I'd have worn out. That track list in full (click for big):


Note: I've been focussing on the Boss maybe a little too much. But this turned out so swell I had to put it up fer youse bums. We'll give him - and you - a break for a while, but there's more to come.

Thursday, September 2, 2021

The Boss Recovery™ Dept. - BITUSA


The headachey title track from Born In The U.S.A. was, of course, misunderstood and misused by Republicans in their time-honored tradition of Chiclet-toothed grinning idiocy. It's an overwhelmingly bleak, bitter rant, and put me off the album to the point where I deleted it. I get it, Bruce. I get it and I agree with it but I'm tired of hearing it. And there was something too slick about the album. I saw him on the tour, and it broke my heart. My life had changed in the ecstatic communion of the Hammersmith Odeon in '75, I witnessed rock and roll future, and here he was in wifebeater denim and a fucking headband at an enormodrome getting thousands of fat fuckers punching the air to a song I hated. Welcome to the future, fanboy.

The album sleeve was another depressing missed opportunity, striving for the iconic - although that word was only used for Russian church imagery back then - and making a statement that nobody quite understood. Was he pissing on Old Glory? Or was he waving the flag as a patriotic prop, backing up the apparent pride of the title? Nobody cared. It sold shitloads. Seven top ten singles. Yadda yadda.

Springsteen apparently wrote seventy songs during the sessions, which also produced Nebraska. He planned a double album at one time, discarding both the idea and the more reflective, downbeat songs - to make this monster of an album. A bunch of those songs have surfaced on The Essential Bruce Springsteen and Tracks, and here they are, seamlessly interwoven with the songs that made the cut. Thirty-one songs, a triple album. Why not? 

It's a much deeper and richer album - more nuanced - with greater dynamics and echoes of the bleak minimalism of Nebraska. The slickness is gone, for the better. The rejigged track order works, but you can put it on shuffle, whatever, it's all good. There isn't a single song that doesn't deserve to be heard, and there are some that get the jaw hitting the floor. Songs that in anybody else's career would have been high points.

The cover continues the more *cough* literary approach of Tunnel Of Love (which older readers, and those not in a fog of Adderall, may remember). It's a difficult theme to pull off, too easy to fall into cliché. The overall tenor of the album is positive and upbeat, so I wanted an image that did all of this, preferably without using his ass.