Smart Dressed As Stupid Dept. - Captain Beyond

I was put off these guys for decades because of their dumb name and stupid cover, figuring the music to be just mullet-shaking Clod Rock with maybe some futuristic synth farts. Turns out it's worryingly clever, which makes you wonder why they chose to present themselves as the musical equivalent of Truck Nutz™.

Ewww ... big hands!

Like, check out these track titles, bro: Dancing Madly Backwards (On A Sea Of Air), Myopic Void, and I Can't Feel Nothin' (Parts One and Two). Someone who knows something about words came up with that good stuff. And the tracks, thirteen of them in thirty-six Earth minutes, average about three minutes each. Not your standard sludge-athon flex.

Turns out that yes, it's hard rock, but with NEW added smarts! It was something of a Supergroup at the time, with musicians from RSRCH PSE ED WIKI OR DISCOGS [and that's a big Fuck You from me - Ed.] but stiffed in the racks in spite of a 3D cover specifically designed to appeal to absolutely nobody.

Anyway, they were picked up by Phil Walden at Capricorn - Duane Allman was a fan - for a second album called Sufficiently Breathless, which is one of the greatest album titles of all time, in a sleeve even worse than the debut [below - Ed.]. It's more mainstream, with a little Santana influence (okay, and why, exactly?) on a couple of tracks. The quality is there but the punters were even more baffled and decided to spend their pocket money on a bag of reds and a corn dog instead. I think they made a third album, which was a mistake.

This post has a Tog Rating of 3.5

Randy Randomguy's Rubber Room O' Randomness Dept.

 

You know the rules by now: set your mp3 player to shuffle, list first ten that come up! If you don't like music, list the first ten things that come into your head! If you can't count, tell us your favourite colour! 

Art Gallery O' Art. Dept.

 

Jari Anttonen

Wm. Blake

Jari Anttonen

Ivan Albright

Austin Osman Spare

Sidney Sime

Burt Shonberg

Max Ernst

Thirty Minutes Dept.- "We're All Mad Here"

Note for our American friends - that's TV's Jeremy Clarkson in hat!

Th' IoF© postbag has been bulging with requests [you lying sumbitch - Ed.] to walk you, th' Four or Five Guy©, through the process of creating our famed Thirty Minutes audio initiatives! So let's start at the beginning, like those immediately post-titles Netflix movie flashbacks we're supposed to find fascinating. TWO MONTHS EARLIER. Oh, fuck right off. Anyway, once I have the title and the concept for a project (a Mystic Revelation that must perforce remain shrouded by the Curtain of Mystery) I reach out to my Focus Group O'Diversity® for their really interesting reactions! Here's an exclusive behind-the-scenes peek at the process!

1 Brainstorming The Concept

Note weird beardy guru type at right!

After they make their Reaction Reel presentation, I thank them for their valuable input and press a glowing red button on my desk that opens the floor under their feet and they all fall screaming into a writhing pit of venomous vipers. Then it's on to the Artwork phase! More about that tomorrow!

2 Creating The Artwork

It can now be revealed that every IoF© Art Department O' Art™ Dept. project, be it Foam-O-Graph©, award-winning album sleeve or provocative editorial content, begins life as an actual OIL PAINTING, painted in real time by myself using Secret Pigments! Here's me, in my studio, in the process of creating this very image of me in the studio creating this very image of me in the studio!

Note iconic Artist's Model and Artistic Muse Babs at right!

Tomorrow we'll see how these original Fine Art Oil Paint Masterpieces get delivered to th' IoF© as modern computer-style images! Oboy! Don't forget to check back often!

3 Digitalisation Process

Merry orphans, yestiddy

Here [above - Ed.] we see motivated IoF© interns at th' Pixelator®, turning the raw data from the original oil painting into glowing, gem-like pixels! Note pixel collection baskets.

Pixels are combined into digital image using ultra-modern computerised machinery! "Which it's a demanding yet satisfying job," sez Veldene Szymczyk [left - Ed.]. "I gots to, like, press this button on this doohickey? Why, Mr Throckmorton is the bestest boss what a girl like I could have! Plus, he's hung like a ham!"

4 Locating Source Material

Diversity, Body Positivism, and a Master's Degree in Marine Biology

Working from my extensive "shopping list" of musical songs which embody the chosen theme, each of which may be used in part or whole, my team of highly qualified, merit-hired researchers [above - Ed.] ventures into the vast IoF© Warehouse O' Tunes™ [below - Ed.] to locate the source material which constitutes the source material.

Tomorrow we'll delve into how the actual Audio Initiative - that's the "sounds" that get into your "ears" - is curated! See you then!

Sat'dy Morning TV Dept.

Grab that Saturday morning vibe right here on th' IoF©, with Top Cat©! Today, in the first-ever episode, TC and th' gang go to Hawaii - with hilarious consequences!

Everybody, now!

Top Cat [be-doodle-doodle-uh-dip - Ed.] the most effectual
Top Cat [be-doodle-doodle-uh-dip - Ed.] whose intellectual

Close friends get to call him T.C.
Providing it's with dignity

Top Cat
The indisputable leader of the gang
He's the boss, he's the pip
He's the championship
He's the most tip top
Top Cat

Yes he's the chief, he's the king
But above everything
He's the most tip top
Top Cat

This post funded in part by The Maurice Gosfield Appreciation Society, Pasadena, CA