Neither Shaken Nor Stirred Dept. - Hoagy Carmichael & Johnny Mandel

Whenever I hear (f'rinstance) Paul McCartney touted as "the greatest popular songwriter of the twentieth century", Hoagy Carmichael is the name I counter with first. Then there's a list as long as Wilshire Boulevard before we get to McCartney. Carmichael may not be the greatest songwriter of all time, but he's in the top two.

Recorded in '56, this is a late-career high. His smoky drawl - sometimes appealingly shy in its approach to the note - fits Johnny Mandel's arrangements like an olive in a Martini. Mandel wrote 'Suicide Is Painless' (well worth a Wiki!) and his charts here are the epitome of supperclub cool. It's almost impossible to not light up a cigarette as 'Sweets' Edison and Art Pepper lean into the mic.

I can't read these furshlugginer notes, by George!

 

Th' Hoagster died in 1981 (like, yesterday) leaving a matchless catalog of songs, recordings, and movie appearances. His understated vocal style hides a surprising virtuosity - try singing along to 'Baltimore Oriole'. Ian Fleming had him in mind when he first created James Bond, and taking a squint at the above cover [above above - Ed.] you can see it's not such a stretch.

In 1956, smoking was medically proven to be good for you, and encouraged on airlines. Too bad I was only three.

 

They don't make 'em like this any more. They don't write 'em like this any more. In an age when hits with the longevity and substance of bubblewrap are assembled by algorithms and performed by bots, Carmichael's songs are, well, stardust, and will shine forever.

 

This post is a FMF© Remix, with all-new content. Anything to make my life easier.

 

 

 

 

 

Kartunist Du Jour Dept. - John Jonik

 

Elderly Lesbians Choose Their Album O' Th' Year! Dept.

Gertrude [left - Ed.] and Irma [take a wild guess - Ed.] take a break from pegging each other. Foam-O-Graph© from the personal collection of Mr. Grimsdale

Older readers will nurture in their hollow, mottled bosoms a peculiar fondness for Gertrude and Irma, our Elderly Lesbians, whose annual choice of Album O' Th' Year is eagerly anticipated both within the Music Business and throughout the entire World! It's no exaggeration to say there is no award - for anything - more highly coveted than this. So it was with a palpable sense of excitement that I visited them in the th' IoF© Care Facility Basement!

FT3 Girls! Looking good!

Irma  Fuck you, asshole.

Gertrude With this tank of Nitrous Oxide. 

FT3 (coughing) Can we open a window?

Irma  Which their ain't one. Like you don't know.

FT3 (uneasy laugh) So! Which album gets awarded your Album O' Th' Year award?

Gertrude I fancied that Lana Del Rey.

FT3 She had an album this year?

Irma  Who cares? Paddle that girl's ass 'til it glows in the dark.

Gertrude Up to the elbow in that bitch.

FT3 What do you think of Foreign Tongues?

Irma  I'll take what I can get. Hi hi hi hi!

Gertrude Hi hi hi hi ... whoops.

[tape runs out]

So! There we have it! Liverpool's newest beat combo The Rolling Stones are the worthy winners of this prestigious award! Well done, lads! I'm sure we'll be hearing a lot more from this exciting group!

This post financed in part by Simon Cowell, who asks to remain anonymous.

 

 

 

Trembling Pseudopods Dept.

 

"With trembling pseudopods, Rork Glanf tore away the Earth-Girl's Space-Suit" - Will Elder

This is very probably the greatest Work of Art ever produced, in the history of everything. Note formally balanced composition. Note subtle interplay of light and shade. Note implicit narrative tension. Note attention to detail, cultural signifiers encoded as content. But mainly, note hot chick in Space-Suit. Given the choice of decorating your death row cell with this or the Mona Lisa, which would you choose? Or a real oil painting of a shiny horsie? One of them Van Goghs by Picasso with both eyes on the same side of the nose? I rest my case.

And while you're improving yourself through close study of the above masterpiece, why not listen to the latest waxing by Professor And The Madman? 'Dreamworld' [left - Ed.] is for everybody who wanted a third long-playing LP from The Dukes Of Stratosphear. A contender for Album o' th' Year. It is that good.

 

 

 

This post conceived during an attack of nervous optimism caused by mid-terms.

 

Pink Floyd - Another IoF© Outtake From Th' Vaults!

Art by Smart Art's Art Mart™

Pink Floyd's 'Meddle' is that rare thing, a perfect album, except for its nagging faults. That's why I've regularly futzed a remix/reshuffle here on my Mystic Lathe o' Music. I gave up posting them because, well, nobody much likes fan remixes, and for a reason. Just because we can doesn't mean we should. Adding five minutes of spacey beatfulness to the beginning of 'One Of These Days' did not, in the cold light of day, improve it. But certain adjustments are right and good: ditching 'Seamus' is a pubic cervix, as is snipping the in-joke soccer crowd noises. This time around I spent much time coaxing 'Fearless' into something approaching a much better place. It always sounded unfinished, and bereft of creativity in the arrangement department. And too long. And a tad, well, plodding.

All of these demerits, and more, yea, have been addressed with consummate taste, skill, and sensitivity, making granular adjustments as the Lathe spun long into the night while I ignored Kreemés [left, and eighteen my ass - Ed.] increasingly desperate requests to service her on the Couch of Concupiscence. And I've shuffled the track order to refresh the listening experience - why, it's like hanging a new air freshener from the album's rear view mirror! Dazzling crossfades and subtle sonic sorcery complete the experience. It's like a Six Flags® ride with no seat belts and a belly full of Mexican tap water!

Plus also it gets a "new" title and cover so you don't confuse it with last year's model! To think - posts of this quality were regularly shelved for some half-assed reason or another! What a time to be alive!

 

If you think this is the "Meddle" we've been waiting for lo these many years, why not drop an encouraging comment? Lack the vocabulary to adequately express your gratitude? Simply copy-paste the following touchingly heartfelt encomium into the box provided: "This is fuken sick farq I aint heered of them guys but boy will I be ordrin all there rekkids now! U da man!"