Trembling Pseudopods Dept.

 

"With trembling pseudopods, Rork Glanf tore away the Earth-Girl's Space-Suit" - Will Elder

This is very probably the greatest Work of Art ever produced, in the history of everything. Note formally balanced composition. Note subtle interplay of light and shade. Note implicit narrative tension. Note attention to detail, cultural signifiers encoded as content. But mainly, note hot chick in Space-Suit. Given the choice of decorating your death row cell with this or the Mona Lisa, which would you choose? Or a real oil painting of a shiny horsie? One of them Van Goghs by Picasso with both eyes on the same side of the nose? I rest my case.

And while you're improving yourself through close study of the above masterpiece, why not listen to the latest waxing by Professor And The Madman? 'Dreamworld' [left - Ed.] is for everybody who wanted a third long-playing LP from The Dukes Of Stratosphear. A contender for Album o' th' Year. It is that good.

 

 

 

This post conceived during an attack of nervous optimism caused by mid-terms.

 

Pink Floyd - Another IoF© Outtake From Th' Vaults!

Art by Smart Art's Art Mart™

Pink Floyd's 'Meddle' is that rare thing, a perfect album, except for its nagging faults. That's why I've regularly futzed a remix/reshuffle here on my Mystic Lathe o' Music. I gave up posting them because, well, nobody much likes fan remixes, and for a reason. Just because we can doesn't mean we should. Adding five minutes of spacey beatfulness to the beginning of 'One Of These Days' did not, in the cold light of day, improve it. But certain adjustments are right and good: ditching 'Seamus' is a pubic cervix, as is snipping the in-joke soccer crowd noises. This time around I spent much time coaxing 'Fearless' into something approaching a much better place. It always sounded unfinished, and bereft of creativity in the arrangement department. And too long. And a tad, well, plodding.

All of these demerits, and more, yea, have been addressed with consummate taste, skill, and sensitivity, making granular adjustments as the Lathe spun long into the night while I ignored Kreemés [left, and eighteen my ass - Ed.] increasingly desperate requests to service her on the Couch of Concupiscence. And I've shuffled the track order to refresh the listening experience - why, it's like hanging a new air freshener from the album's rear view mirror! Dazzling crossfades and subtle sonic sorcery complete the experience. It's like a Six Flags® ride with no seat belts and a belly full of Mexican tap water!

Plus also it gets a "new" title and cover so you don't confuse it with last year's model! To think - posts of this quality were regularly shelved for some half-assed reason or another! What a time to be alive!

 

If you think this is the "Meddle" we've been waiting for lo these many years, why not drop an encouraging comment? Lack the vocabulary to adequately express your gratitude? Simply copy-paste the following touchingly heartfelt encomium into the box provided: "This is fuken sick farq I aint heered of them guys but boy will I be ordrin all there rekkids now! U da man!"

Bot Boat "Invasion" - IoF© Welcomes Non-Organic Refugees!

 

Swiss Family Robotson™ arrives at IoF©, yestiddy!

The mysterious rise in visits to th' Isle o' Foam© has been caused, it can now be revealed, by a sudden influx of "bots", space age electric robots surfing the internet!

Yes, these cute lil' computer critters have found safe haven at last! During a surfside ceremony yesterday at the Tiki Bar, Farquhar Throckmorton III welcomed the tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free with complimentary welcome packs! Yes, each refugee from a hostile world received a Croc Button, a sample sachet of kibble, and a Woodstock™ headband!

"Bzzzzrt! It's just so groovy to be here at last!" gushed Zglrp795X, "we'd heard rumors of a fabled sea-girt paradise offering succor to cheap grifters and pool-hall bums, and it was with hope burning in our circuitry that we set forth in our frail craft across the wine-dark internet! Bzzzzrt!"

IoF© supremo FT3 concurred! "Th' Isle will always be open to everyone, and its treasure trove of second-tier country rock, commercially unsuccessful psychedelia, and counter-culture marginalia will remain an eternal refuge and resource for the psychonaut! Except when the links die. You snooze, you lose, right? Bzzzzrt!"

To celebrate the arrival our new neighbors, there'll be an exceptionally swell giveaway in the comments! You certainly will not regret downloading this exceptionally swell giveaway! Unless you have it already! Bzzzzrt!"

This post hand-hewn into the living rock with a flint shard.

 

Merch Dept. - Jeff Beck Launches Own-Brand Croc Buttons™

No AI was used in the creation of this parody masterclass

Raven-tressed Jeff Beck is no stranger to the shores of th' IoF©! Yes, the in-demand trade fair gear demonstrator wowing NAMM™ Show attendees [below - Ed.] has antecedently honored th' Isle with his Hummel Figurine© collection! So what is the Sultan Of The Stomp Box up to these days? Seeing as how he hasn't recorded shit since them jazz-funk cut-outs fifty years back? What's that you say? You don't remember them so good neither? Okay, how about since Happenings Ten Years Time Ago, more like sixty years time ago? Hard nope? You've heard of him, though, right? I mean, the guy's iconic ...

 

Whammy Bar Wizard wows crowd with virtuoso volume knob demonstration!

 

Turns out The Prince Of The Pick Guard [getting desperate much? - Ed.] has been secretly prepping what will be one of this season's most exciting leisure footwear initiatives - his signature range of music gear-themed Jeff Beck™ Croc© Buttons®! Oboy! The Maharajah Of The Machine Head [oh, stop! - Ed.] dropped by th' Isle O' Foam© yestiddy to grant th' Four or Five Guys© an exclusive sneak preview of this magnificent merchaganza! We relaxed poolside whilst Kreemé [left, and eighteen my ass - Ed.] served homemade whelksfoot and hamwater smoothies garnished with deep-fried larks' eyeballs in a nest of drain hair.

Kreemé, yestiddy

FT3 So! Th' Führer o' th' Fretboard! Welcome! Lookin' good! Is that your real hair?

JB [adjusts wig] It's me signature barnet, innit. 'Ere - where's that bird gone?

FT3 Talk us though this, uh, Croc Button bullshit you got going...

JB Well, I completed me 'Ummel Figurine collection some time ago, an' I was lookin' for somethin' to occupy me time.

FT3 Why not try to make one great album before you die? Just one fucking album that doesn't make us cover our face with our hands?

JB [sulkily] Could if I wanted to. Just don't want to.

FT3 Ri-ight. Croc Buttons? Seriously?

JB Yeah! I started givin' 'em away at trade fairs, little miniature control knobs an' effects pedals an' that the chicks could plug into their sandals. I mean, there are no chicks at those things, but the idea was to attract a new audience. Chicks, mainly. Does Kreemé wear Crocs©? Wouldn't mind pluggin' 'er 'oles! [laughs]

FT3 Ye-ess ... you brung some albums for th' Four Or Five Guys©?

JB Nah. Don't listen much to records these days. Mind you, never did! [laughs]

FT3 [laughs]

This piece, especially commissioned by Johannes Adam Ferdinand Alois Josef Maria Marco d'Aviano Pius, Hans-Adam Prince of Liechtenstein [left - Ed], celebrates and commemorates over three million visits to th' IoF©, made by hundreds of thousands of freeloading ingrates, arm-chancers, merry-andrews and raggedy-ass bums with nothing better to do. My thanks to you all. Well, very nearly all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I first started this back in whenever, I didn't expect many visit(or)s, and so showed a bogus counter doohickey stuck between 4 and 5. A kind of slight meta-joke that gave me the idea of calling commenters th' Four Or Five Guys©. It's been gratifying to see th' 4/5g© are still turning up - from the blogger dashboard I can see the top ten posts du jour, and also where youse bums are coming from. The US by some distance, followed by the UK and Singapore, with healthy showings from Brazil and Vietnam. The vast majority of you use Chrome on Windows. Most referrals come from "other", which means last port of call is unknown, with my pals at rideyourpony helping out massively.
 

 

This, is, nuts.  Over 50k views in three days?

Draft Dodging Dept. - Steve Cataldo

Somehow the mp3 files got corrupted, either while I was retagging them with the new artwork, or before. I found a new download source and corrected the tagging issues, so please redownload if you had a problem! Link in comments.

Front Page Review's "Mystic Soldiers" was recorded in '68 NY but shelved until '97. Been reissued a couple of times, always with a shitty cover, so I got my crayons out [see above - Ed.]. It's an absolute treat, if you like late 'sixties psych straight outta Bosstown via NY. Short songs, FX, and that needle-nose guitar tone that gives me shivers. Produced by Alan "Ultimate Spinach" Lorber, so you know what to expect. Thirty minutes of quality psycholation.

Steve Cataldo, guiding light behind Front Page Review, went on to record the better-known but still obscure "Saint Steven" for Probe in '69, short songs flowed into suites, heavier on the FX and samples. He can play guitar! He can sing! He can write!

 

Still a young dude, he came to light again for a disappointing New Wave stretch with the Nervous Eaters, who are kind of like The Knack but without the hit(s). And then - nuthin'. But this dual delivery of righteous psych is enough to establish his name here on th' IoF©, and maybe in your hearts.