Mission Statement: "To do very little, for very few, for not very long." Disappointing the easily pleased since 1819. Not as good as it used to be from Day One. "History is Bunk" - P.T. Barnum. Eudæmonia, hermeneutics, phenomenology, ontology, chronotope, heteroglossia and mnemetics out th' ass! Artificially Intelligent before it was fashionable. Fat Camp for the Mind! "Nothing lasts, but nothing is lost." Proudly Content-Free since last August!
The rest is history. A lesson to today's wretched, whining, blaming, do-nothing "woke generation" that it only takes unlimited wealth, talent, and weapons-grade handsomeness to achieve your rock n' roll dream!
Today's Smörgåsbörd ö' Surf™features an overview of Jet's career up the mid-seventies, when he did absolutely the right thing and relocated to the mythical continent of Mu, today known as ... th' Isle O' Foam©!
The 3D lenticular image - the largest ever, at the time - was always a pain in th' ass. It never worked as well as it should - we can supply our own blurring, thank you - and non-3D sleeves lack a reference standard square format print to work from.
The version linked in the comments is the uber-swell 2017 stereo, with the (2012 master) We Love You b/w Dandelion single sliding into its rightful place (not just nailed to the bottom edge).
Cover of first album [left - Ed.] perfectly expresses urban ennui of early seventies UK!
That's right, subscribers! The rockin' sounds of Hookfoot sure go down swell with beer, pizza, dope, and other fine foodstuffs! So when unexpected guests drop by, serve up a stack o' steamin' Hookfoot slices!
A full spindle today - seven [count 'em! - Ed.] swell long-playing records you'll be proud to drop onto th' turntable! Also a "Double CD" - th' fuck that is - of their greatest hits, kinda.
Hey! What's Kreemé think about Hookfoot? Leave us ax her! Why, here she is, Outreach Hostess in the intimate surroundings of th' IoF© Kosy Korner Bar™! (Can you spot Your Host, subscribers?)
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"Hookfoot? I hope never to suffer the heartbreak of this terrible condition, and my thoughts and prayers are with those that do!" |
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| Foam-O-Graph© - You'll Wish You Weren't There!™ |
You'll know famed movie helmer Stanley Kubrick for his œuvre [Fr. egg - Ed.]. Sir Kubrick was one of the first non-French directors to be honored with an œuvre, along with Alfred Hitchcock and Jerry Lewis. The distinction brings with it the honorific of auteur [Fr. should - Ed.]. But few cineastes [Fr. assholes - Ed.] know he's also an Indie Rock [geological formations in Indian subcontinent - Ed.] enthusiast! Sir Kubrick dropped by th' IoF© yesterday on his world tour to promote some new movie what he's trying to crowdfund, and we chatted in the luxurious ambience of my private bathroom [above - Ed.].
FT3: Hey! Sir K! Looking good!
SK: Please, call me Stan, Farq!
FT3: Stan Farq!
SK: [chuckles indulgently] Just Stan will be fine!
FT3: [shrugs] Whatevs. First, I'd like to congratulate you on making my most bestest movie of all time, which is like Two Thousand And One.
SK: [nods graciously] It is perhaps my masterwork.
FT3: Hey! You kiddin'? You only made one other movie what I can watch without falling asleep, what is The Killing. That's swell. The others? P.U.! [blows underwater rasberry]
SK: Critical consensus is at odds with your, ah, opinion.
FT3: Critical consensus can kiss my ass!
SK: What about The Shining? It is widely lauded as a classic in the horror genre.
FT3: Needed editing [like this piece - Ed.]
SK: I spent three years editing it!
FT3: The maze! Everything associated with it. Snip! Lissen, Stan -you got the maze already! The hotel is the maze, dumbass! Jesus fucking Christ!
SK: [blinking stupidly] I - I -
FT3: Bunch of other stuff, individual scenes that don't tell the story. The scary blood coming out the elevator doors. Snip! Drop twenty, twenty-five minutes on the cutting room floor, you got a movie. Then you made 2010, which stunk.
SK: I-
FT3: [cutting in] Which you brung an album to share wit' th' guys?
SK: I really thought we might talk about my new film, Farq? It's -
FT3: Gee, Stan. We're really exceeding blog readers' attention spans here. There's only two who made it this far [waves]. I'm gonna have to let you go, fella! I'm typing for nuthin' here! All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy! Literally nobody is readin' dis shit! They're down in the comments lookin' for th' link!
SK: Oh, well. Could you pass the loofah?
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| New Glacial Foam-O-Graph™ changes once every hundred years! |
FMF©: Say, Chyron, which Th' Four Or Five Guys© want to know is what your favorite album is?
CT: No, they do not. They are only interested in my young, clean-limbed body.
FMF©: Are you into Beefheart? How do you rate Strictly Personal?
CT: Men! They only desire one thing! To experience the wild ecstasy of my passion! To have my tight body writhe naked beneath them, moist and lightly-muscled! To me, nothing is perverted, nothing forbidden. Men lust for me with unquenchable ardor, driven to madness by the knowledge they can never possess me! They are fools!
FMF©: I like the phasing, myself. The original tracks, first released on the I May Be Hungry comp. sound a little, I dunno, dull? In comparison? Thoughts?
CT: I can never obtain physical satisfaction from a mere man. I live only for the sterile langor of a sapphic embrace. There is nothing more truly erotic and beautiful than the lesbian experience, especially with me.
FMF©: Well, thanks for joining this musical discussion, Chyron! I'm sure th' Four Or Five Guys© look forward to further topics with you, and welcome to the Isle O'Foam©!
CT: I need an assistant. Now. Have Kreemé bring a quart of silicone lube to my room.
Join th' conversation! Does that phasing work for you?
THIS JUST IN ROLLING NEWS: Chyron reveals centerpiece IoF© oil painting is fake!
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| Image ©Foam-O-Graph™ - "Gee, Mom! It's a Foam-O-Graph™!" |
You'll know T.V.'s Harold Gould for his countless appearances in major T.V. series, but especially for his much-loved portrayal of Jerry Goosefinger M.D. in N.B.C.'s long-running Proctology Ward. But did you know he's also the gubmint's go-to guy for Psychedelic Sinkholes? The chances are you didn't, because [SPOILER - Ed.] I just made the whole thing up! HAW!! Wotta sap youse bums is!
Locked down wit' th' mattresses up agin' th' winders, a guy gets to thinkin'. An what I'm thinkin' is this whole deal is too easy for youse ganefs! Why, dese quizzes is like shootin' candy from a baby! Dis one will get you scratchin' yer noggins! Th' album in th' sinkhole is visible, sorta, if yez know where to look, but youse freeloadin' grifters don't gots clew one! Haw! Some fun, huh!?
Image © Foam-O-Graph Corp.® "Lifelike, if your life is like this!"
Mrs. Myra Nussbaum's Bong n' Bris parties are legendary among Catskills crowd! Yentas bring swell gifts for newly-circumcised, be it bag of weed, homemade hash knish, or can of lube! Mrs. Nussbaum herself brung obscure psychedelic platter what had spaced-out synagogue sisters stumped!
Perhaps you, Mr. Four Or Five Guy©, recognise it! Leave clew in comments that'll indicate you know whereof you speak, and also help out your mush-fer-brains confreres! Try not to name album or artist! A clew! Not actual answer to this week's Musical Question O' Th' Week!
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| "You can't unsee a Foam-O-Graph™!" |
This isn't Dementia 13, film fans. Nor is it the 2015 Dementia, about a war veteran with Alzheimer's and a sinister nurse, like the poor sap didn't have enough on his plate. This is the original 1955 Dementia before th' dumb bastids added a catastrophic, mood-destroying voiceover and re-released it as Daughter Of Horror.
It's genuinely, unsettlingly weird. David Lynch must have used it as his playbook. There's no dialog, just one disturbing scene after another. Primitive, powerful imagery that'll haunt your sunlit Sunday!
FMF© Firstly, Mr. Martin, I hope you won't take offence at my not calling you Sir George, on account you're not getting knighted until the end of the century.
GM Good Lord. That long? But do please call me George.
FMF© And secondly, thank you - George - for letting us reproduce the original cover, as an exclusive for th' Isle O' Foam©.
GM It's a beauty, isn't it? The boys wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, as they called it - actually a working title for the album - and the cover reflects that. Quite exceeded everyone's expectations, and makes Sgt. Pepper look a little dull in comparison.
FMF© Can you tell us a little about the genesis of the album?
GM Well, the boys were more than a little hurt by the adverse reaction to the Magical Mystery Tour project -
FMF© [cutting in] Shit movie.
GM [chuckles] That was unfortunately the, ah, consensus of critical opinion! Anyway, the gang had a case of the glums, tails between legs all round, so Ringo suggested, quite brilliantly, he never quite gets credit due, that rather than split up on such a disappointing note - pardon the pun! - they assemble an album from all the contemporary tracks that weren't recorded for a specific Beatles album. The others leapt at the idea. They were at the height of their creative powers, yet had the sense to admit if they didn't split up they ran the very real risk of tarnishing their record - pardon the pun! - with yet more sub-par material. And here was this amazing treasure trove of fabulous songs - some of their greatest - waiting to come together as a fitting envoi to their career! It was, as teenagers are yet to call it, a no-brainer!
FMF© It was also their best-selling album, and regularly tops critics all-time best lists. Jann Wenner [magazine printer - Ed.] said it was "not only the Beatles' greatest and most lasting achievement, but captured the essence of the era like no other work of art in any field."
GM The blaze of glory they deserved! All those number one hit singles! And of course it gave the boys the confidence they needed to launch the new label and their solo careers. [looks at watch] Great Heavens! Is that the time? I'll have to let you go, I'm afraid. I'm due at Television Centre for an interview with T.V.'s Michael Parkinson, for my sins!
Our thanks to Mr. Martin for the tea and cakes.
NY, NY's abstract geometric style owes something to German Expressionism, perhaps, but its colorful lightheartedness and the synchronised, animated score make it easy and beguiling entertainment, even if you're not out of your head on drugs. You can watch it right here at th' Foam-O-Drome© - be a come-with guy! It's fifteen furshlugginer minutes! You can so do this!
Gentleman blotter-muncher Aldous Huxley has this to say:
“And then there is what may be called the Distorted Documentary; a new form of visionary art, admirably exemplified by Mr. Francis Thompson’s film, NY, NY. In this very strange and beautiful picture we see the city of New York as it appears when photographed through multiplying prisms, or reflected in the backs of spoons, polished hub caps, spherical and parabolic mirrors. We still recognize houses, people, shop fronts, taxicabs, but recognize them as elements in one of those living geometries which are so characteristic of the visionary experience."
Hmm - the visionary experience - what can he be talking about?
Kudu label boss Creed Taylor still gets the critic's sneer for allegedly sweetening jazz into jello, but that's an insult to everyone who made music like this. There's nothing in professionalism and craft, in knowing what you're fucking doing, that devalues jazz. And these guys are following the tradition established (I think - I'm no music historian) [you got that right - Ed.] by Duke Ellington. The roster of virtuoso musicians here is dizzying. Looking at the back line first, always the right thing, you'll see Bernard Purdie, Billy Cobham, and Richard Davis. Uh-huh. In between them and Grover we have Cornell Dupree, David Spinozza and Eric Gale on guitar, Richard Tee on keys, and full-budget horn and Nice Jewish Boy string sections. Bob James writes charts for tunes by Aretha Franklin, Bill Withers, and ... Henry Purcell? Yup. The rug-sporting harpsichord-botherer of th' Baroque grabs his composer royalties - and jazz cred - at last.
Note sartoriality.
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| Foam-O-Graph© courtesy FoamCorp® Corporation - "Your window to a better world!™" |
"It's by Wings already! It was 49c! What am I - Robert Christgau?"
Elaine's loss is our gain, subscribers! This Wings album is from '68, and features Spanky & Our Gang's Oz Bach, Jerry Peloquin from the first incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, Steve Knight (what went on to play with Mountain) and the whole deal was produced and arranged by Steve Barri and Jimmy Haskell. It's uber-swell in a way that doe-eyed prancing pop stylist Paul McCartney could never even get close to.
Add to cart!
After his first solo album in '68, Bluse, which I don't gots, he got a band together and they recorded Hot Air Through A Straw which is as swell as you'd want from an album called that. It's modishly diverse - which did it no favors, I'm guessing.
Addendum: Dr. D has kindly donated the missing Bluse album, which you'll find linked in his comment. It is very swell. Our thanks to him.
Today's loaddown is/are their first and third albums (Ed - pse. verify) [Suck it out yer ass - Ed.] which make for mighty swell listenin'. No, they don't have the passion and depth of the Allmans - who does? - but the playing and singing is sweet as maple syrple off of the Queen of Britain's tit. And sometimes you don't want passion and depth. Like f'rinstance you're dusting your Hummel figurine collection, or pin-striping the project Pinto. Leave the Allmans for when you're sitting on that busted couch in the front yard with a tin of Dixie in your withered claw.
The requirements have been adapted to the meanest intelligence to ensure participation from you, th' Four Or Five Guy© reading this! Simply list your Top Seven favorite albums of all time! In a comment!
Now there have to be rules and guidelines, or the whole affair will descend into screaming insect chaos, so the following strictures apply:
1 "Seven" means any number. If you can't think of seven, list as many as you can. If you have, like, beaucoup of favorite albums, list 'em all!
2 Albums can be any-type music. Nobody gives a shit, mainly because nobody will read your furshlugginer list.
3 Try to restrict each artist to one album (this is tough).
3 Don't like music? Don't know what an album is? List your Mom's meatloaf ingredients, or your most-treasured Hummel figurines! Join in the fun!
To set this crazy glitter ball a-rollin', here's my own Top Seven albums what have given me profound enjoyment, comfort, and pulse-quickening thrills over the decades. They're not The World's Greatest Classic Iconic Albums You Must Hear Before You Die Ever, nor am I straining to satisfy diversity and inclusivity requirements. It's all music I'd really miss; music that made a direct hit with me and never lets me down. In no particular order:
The Byrds - The Notorious Byrd Brothers
Shawn Phillips - Faces
Terry Riley - A Rainbow In Curved Air
(The) Rain Parade - First Album
Miles Davis - Big Fun
Little Feat - Sailin' Shoes
Country Joe & His Fish - Electric Music
Bruce Springsteen - The Wild, The Etc.
Michael Nesmith - From A Radio Engine To Etc.
Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band - Trout Mask Replica
Pink Floyd - Atom Heart Mother
The Beach Boys - Holland
Colosseum - Valentyne Suite
The Allman Brothers - Eat A Peach
The Church - The Blurred Crusade
Culture - Two Sevens Clash (playing as we speak!)
John McLaughlin & His Mahavishnu Orchestras - The Inner Mounting Flame
Soft Machine - Third
Kaleidoscope - Side Trips
The Doors - LA Woman
Jackson Browne - For Everyman
The Grateful Dead - From The Mars Hotel
Joni Mitchell - Blue
Stanley Clarke - First Album
The Monkees - Head
Frank Sinatra - Songs For Swingin' Lovers!
Derek & His Dominos - Layla
Frank Zappa & His Mothers Of Invention - Burnt Weeny Sandwich
Spirit - Son Of Spirit
Van Dyke Parks - Song Cycle
HP Lovecraft - II
ZZ Top - Tres Hombres
Spanky & Our Gang - Anything You Choose
Billy Cobham - Crosswinds
It's A Beautiful Day - First Album
Santana - Caravanserai
Nilsson - The Point
Van Morrison - Tupelo Honey
Bing Crosby & Rosemary Clooney - Fancy Meeting You Here
Herbie Hancock - Sound System
Thelonious Monk - Monk's Music
... is that seven yet? You get the idea. Slip it to Kreemé in th' komments!
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| Image ©Foam-O-Graph Corp. - "rendering reality obsolete!" |
But few know of the secret stash of psychedelic albums hidden in his sock drawer! Study this here Foam-O-Graph© [above - Ed.] and see if you can spot the two albums he's sharing with us today! If you're a wise-ass type guy, leave a clew for the dumb jocks in a comment! Don't name act or albums!
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| Demonstrating the French shoulder finger-hook (see also below) |
Long live Les Innocents!