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| You know you want to ... |
Guys what dig th' Classics fall into one of three scientific types:
1 Pale, bookish type guy digs th' Classics because sensitive to lofty aspirations of human spirit (because can't get laid).
2 Gay type guy digs th' Classics because can flaunt stylish duds at fancy shows.
3 Regular guy type guy digs th' Classics to get in pants of hot tomato who digs th' Classics. In absence of curvy broad in cheaters, studies find regular guy shuns Classical Music because "it sounds like shit."
Classical Music sounds like shit because:
1 Back in the Dark Ages, when everyone dressed like th' Three Musketeers, rich dudes (like Kings etc.) sought to out-do each other with lavish shows to impress friends, courtiers, hot tomatoes.
2 The orchestra - a fancy name for marching band that sits on its ass - was invented to drown out conversation, coughs, farts, laughter of the audience. A hundred violins are louder, cost more, and look better, than one. Result: unholy mess of approximately-tuned and poorly-mic'd pawnshop instruments.
3 Classical-type lyrics are shit. It's like listening to Horse With No Name for ever and ever, over and over. Lyrics are deliberately sung in foreign languages to make them sound deep and poetic.
4 Today's Classical-type fan listens to modern electrical-type speakers that old-timey show-biz types such as Shakespeare couldn't afford, and didn't, unlike tech-savvy pop musicians, compose for.
Questions? Sir? You at the back?
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| Classics out th' ass! |
To qualify for today's download, simply sing these lyrics out loud, preferably from a balcony to an empty street:
ReplyDeleteOn the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings
The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz
And the sky with no clouds
The heat was hot and the ground was dry
But the air was full of sound
I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la, la la la la, la la la, la la...
La, la, la la la la, la la la, la la...
After two days in the desert sun
My skin began to turn red
After three days in the desert fun
I was looking at a river bed
And the story it told of a river that flowed
Made me sad to think it was dead
You see I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la, la la la la, la la la, la la...
After nine days I let the horse run free
'Cause the desert had turned to sea
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings
The ocean is a desert with its life underground
And a perfect disguise all above
Under the cities lies a heart made of ground
But the humans will give no love
You see I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la, la la la la, la la la, la la... [repeats]
I sang it at the top of my lungs, until I swallowed a bug.
DeleteAnd now, in Italian ...
DeleteNella prima parte del viaggio
Stavo guardando tutta la vita
C'erano piante e uccelli, rocce e cose
C'erano sabbia, colline e anelli
La prima cosa che ho incontrato è stata una mosca con un ronzio
E il cielo senza nuvole
Il caldo era caldo e il terreno era asciutto
Ma l'aria era piena di suoni
Ho attraversato il deserto a cavallo senza nome
Era bello essere fuori dalla pioggia
Nel deserto puoi ricordare il tuo nome
Perché non c'è nessuno per non darti dolore
La, la, la la la, la la la, la la ...
La, la, la la la, la la la, la la ...
Dopo due giorni al sole del deserto
La mia pelle ha iniziato a diventare rossa
Dopo tre giorni nel deserto divertente
Stavo guardando un letto del fiume
E la storia che raccontava di un fiume che scorreva
Mi ha reso triste pensare che fosse morto
Vedi che ho attraversato il deserto a cavallo senza nome
Era bello essere fuori dalla pioggia
Nel deserto puoi ricordare il tuo nome
Perché non c'è nessuno per non darti dolore
La, la, la la la, la la la, la la ...
Dopo nove giorni ho lasciato correre il cavallo libero
Perché il deserto si era trasformato in mare
C'erano piante e uccelli, rocce e cose
C'erano sabbia, colline e anelli
L'oceano è un deserto con la sua vita sotterranea
E un travestimento perfetto tutto sopra
Sotto le città si trova un cuore fatto di terra
Ma gli umani non daranno amore
Vedi che ho attraversato il deserto a cavallo senza nome
Era bello essere fuori dalla pioggia
Nel deserto puoi ricordare il tuo nome
Perché non c'è nessuno per non darti dolore
La, la, la la la la, la la, la la ... [ripete]
Con accento tedesco, e da dietro foglie aperte, "Molto interessante.....ma stupido...."
DeleteAt first, I thought those were the lyrics to The Unicorn Song.
DeleteThere ain't no balcony in my dinghy, you damn elitist.
ReplyDeleteStand in the stern, ya doofus.
DeleteActually, there's a few issues of FFFB in the download. But you haveta make like you're interested, ya bums.
ReplyDeleteThat song sure is better without the music, but it'd be great without the lyrics as well.
ReplyDeleteWhat's your favorite lines? Today, mine is:
Delete"There was sand and hills and rings
The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz"
Hmm, tough question. I'd pick "The heat was hot" (for straddling
Deletethe fine line between, you know, clever and stupid). But talk
about a missed opportunity: "The ocean is a desert with its life underground" might be just four or five drafts away from being good.
At least 6 pints I'd say @crab devil
Deleteany link? & where?
ReplyDeleteThanks again
Linquage du jour
ReplyDeleteHey there, Farqmeister. Did you pick up the Sara Isaksson and Rebecka Tornqvist link I left for ya?
ReplyDeleteYup. Nice!
DeleteOn a rather sadder note, just read about the death of John Prine. R.I.P, John from all the (un)happy enchiladas.
ReplyDeleteRest In Peace, John Prine.
DeleteEquum nomen
ReplyDeleteCattus adipem de Freddy!
refrigescant faba hominis, gratias tibi
I've been through the desert on a horse with no legs.....Wait, that ain't right. Dang it!
ReplyDeleteBeing born in 1960, has always been like a graph with so many points to plot and it always reveals the same Truth: that there was no better year to be born! I might have been too young for The Beatles' commotion to apply full-stop...but that(1964) was too blurry even for the group(JPGR), anyway! Other notable evidence would be the adolescent 15(or, 16) year old meandering through the maze of 10th grade hoopla when Bruce Springsteen showed up with Born To Run to help it all feel exactly right. Another undeniable plotted point would be to find your 11 year old self in the 5th grade when the first issue of The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers comic appeared. As if by magic...(it might have fallen from the sky, but nobody looked UP in those days)...America was a cultural and social petri-dish and this was the best agar we had ever known. Playboy magazine was a 'bust' already and served no purpose since the 3rd grade. But this little gem(issue #1) reared it's ugly head to verify the 'boundary' is merely an implied/suggested hypothetical context that is seldom made of barbed wire. The single copy of that issue was like a Rosetta Stone for anybody who wasn't paying attention. The whole classroom seemed to understand that we would overtake the faculty and indeed, education itself...would be veering off into a real NEW direction. Somehow, everyone held the tattered little comic in the highest esteem and there was a respect shown its existence that allowed for all concern to be of a common vision. Thus, the magazine went home with different individuals each day. The unwritten rule was to keep it hidden and never forget to bring it back the following day. Weekends bore the triple respect of those lucky enough to protect it on Fridays...AND, nobody even knew who owned the damned thing. Before it had run its course, the comic eventually lost its color cover and had been folded so many times it resembled a wallet. That little, single piece of printed publication was the glue that would set all future navigational vectors of what it meant to be American. Without beating a dead horse into the ground, let us cover the subject by saying '5th grade porn had been born'. I don't remember who took custody of it for summer vacation...but that year, I couldn't wait to for summer vacation to end...and for the 6th grade to begin! Whoo-ya!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, farq.
KC
Fat Freddy's Cat was my favorite!
The only nice thing I can say about this song is that Plants and Birds and Rocks and Things is the title of a pretty great album by The Loud Family, Scott Miller's excellent band following the excellent Game Theory so I'm rebelling against the tyrannical requirements for this download and singing "The
ReplyDeleteBallad of How You Can All Shut Up" instead (not one of their best but on account of the sentiment the title eloquently expresses). For those intrepid souls unfamiliar with Scott Miller's work and not adverse to 90s Indie Pop with a few minutes to squander here's a better Loud Family song than the one mentioned back in the overly long and meandering sentence that precedes (comes before) this more succinct (to the point) sentence (thanks for helping clarify those 10 cent words for the benefit of the other four guys out there Ed! Hope Farq doesn't mind you helping me out): https://youtu.be/LwXHSo7qAg8
BTW, Thanks for the Freaky brothers comix!! (hahahahaha, yep, that's right! I downloaded it anyway!!)
Wow, I didn't realize I was confused right out of the gate. I spoke of the wrong America and while the 'horse' song WAS the unsuspecting AM radio 'go-tune' for the premier of the Freak Brothers immortality...I knew that a horse with no legs was not indigenous to Southern California deserts. Like a hen with no eggs...it always harkens back to the philosophical discussion of which came first. Excuse my Latin.
ReplyDeleteI might have to sit in the front-row. Also, I forgot to say how much I appreciate an Island setting from where all foam flows. I hope this place has wall to wall deep pile shag carpet in Ivy green. To match the Kenmore appliances.
Now, back to your scheduled program...
KC
...thanks for the cheez whiz.
ReplyDelete