Well, I floated some of your ideas to Kreemé (19) at our teambuilding isolation hot tub weekend, and she liked the Official Merchandising concept the best! Which just happened to be mine! Smart kid!
PPE [Personal Protective Equipment - Ed.] is on everyone's mind right now - how can you, the slob in the street, protect hisself from covidavinus and stay lookin' sharp?
Luckily, False Memory Foam© Official Merchandise has the solution that's right for you! These all-over FoamMasks® guarantee protection against irksome airborne particles and keep you looking swell! Made from organically sustainable recycled materials, these hard-wearing yet durable hygiene solutions offer style and security in one easy-to-wear package!
Turn Pandemic into Mandemic with these husky lifesavers!
One size fits all! Colors: off-white, antique, burnt ivory, brownish, executive gray.
These look swell Farq, I'll be putting an order in. Don't forget to drink plenty of President Endorsed Disinfectant too.
ReplyDeleteI'd feel like a regular Studley Hungwell, sportin' and cavortin' around in such post apocalyptic groove wear. Ruttin' and struttin' stylin and profilin', you'll have 'em kneelin' and squealin' in this Planet Man Purse nullifyin' stultifyin plague wear and I ain't just testifyin about Mandemic PPE but a reclaiming of masculinity on a full par with A Clockwork Orange (or Eldridge Cleaver and Ian Anderson) exaggerated and overblown codpieces of yore.
ReplyDeleteY front a blog when you can sell people short.......(s). No, that didn't work, it was pants (British usage).
ReplyDeleteCount me in! I could use some tried-and-true Farquian musk to get some approving looks from the ladies around town (and envious glares from the un-underwear-attired chumps they're with) as I man-handle my shopping cart around the market.
ReplyDeletePS Throw in some of whatever FGW's been snortin' lately.
I'm reminded of the swell Irving Berlin song:
ReplyDelete"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on"
Hey, Mr.Cat - hope you're feeling as fine as could be hoped for under the circumstances. If you ever get around to typing up that think-piece (preferably on a roll of butcher paper wound through your old portable), it'll be welcome. I have one more in the in-tray, but then the supply had dried up.
DeleteWaiting for the HOF Glow in the Dark condoms.
ReplyDeleteDon't hold your breath, pally. Th' HOF is an empty shell in downtown Vegas. We've all moved to th' IOF. Always the last to know, right?
DeleteI'm still in that damn dinghy, paddlin' in circles.
DeleteI’m not necessarily confident that you’ve discovered a way to get
ReplyDeletethe surfboard out of hock. If it helps, though, I’d like to share
a personal experience, just for the sake of perspective.
I was once at a Starbucks© waiting for the customer ahead of me
to finish up. The barista, a surly proto-hipster in his later 20s, was
entering the order under duress. All the while, over at the end of
the bar, another young fellow was speaking too loudly. He pointed, in the way of a challenge, at his own chest, his own white, scrawled-on t-shirt.
T-shirt Guy: “Check out my Starbucks© shirt!”
Barista: “Cool.”
T-shirt Guy: “Nobody has this shirt, not even Starbucks©!”
Barista: “Right on, man.”
T-shirt Guy: “I made this shirt!”
Barista: “Yeah? I made my SHORTS!”
This is undying in its intensity.
Delete