We're Looking For Guys What Like To Write! Dept.

Famous Author, Farquhar Throckmorton III, hard at work on th' Isle O' Foam© yesterday

Bein' a writer is a swell way to pick up broads! Yes, dear friends, as one whom has devoted most of his life to th' Nobel Art of Fine Writin', I can attest to the variety of those words! Why, there's nuthin' attracts th' dames like a pair of hornrims, a pipe, and a moody gaze into middle distance!

Oh, sweet Jesus ...

Now, In a bold new Outreach Initiative supported by Kreemé (19) [left - Ed.], False Memory Foam© offers you, Mr. Four Or Five Guy©, the chance of a lifetime to join the august ranks of such respected book writers as Shakespeare, Dan Brown, Beethoven ... uh ... the Bible ...

What's that you say? Can't write for shit? Nuthin' to say? Step right up! You're the type guy we're looking for!

Be it your favorite K-Tel appliances, a think-piece on bikini babes, or just a shit album review, give it a whirl! But take a professional's advice - don't enter it direct into the comments, ya doofus. Type it up in Word or whatever, couple hundred words, whatever, and copy paste it into this here comment section below when you think you're stunned enough by your own genius, or reach two hundred words, whichever comes first.

If it ain't shit, you get your own blog post, and I delete it from the comments! If it stinks, I leave it in the comments! Hoo boy! You simply cannot lose!!!! Some fun, huh kids?!

Imagine the looks on your friends' faces when you tell 'em "I'm a published author! Words is my business!" Why, you'll have to beat off the dames with a stick!

Note: Write in your own deadbeat style - don't try to copy mine. Or go ahead. Whatever. I'm desperate here.