Tuesday, April 7, 2020

Welcome To Fabulous False Memory Foam© Island!

Your host, yesterday.
As an interim measure to bring joy and hope to millions (Enid and Irving Millions of Crust City, IA) False Memory Foam© is premiering its fabulous new island premises earlier than expected. "That virus thing had gone viral," averred FMF© Prexy Farquhar Throckmorton III yesterday from his luxury beachside Airstream© camper, "and Vegas was losing its bosky Amish charm. Out here on th' Isle of Foam© we're pretty much isolated from everything except each other."

When quizzed about featuring more of the swell fun features that have become a regular feature at th' Home of Foam©, Senior Editor Ed spoke via tin-can-and-string technology from his hybrid duplex treehouse: "It won't be as good as it was. Nothing ever has been. Or will be. Or is. But we can promise the Four Or Five Guys© that the more relaxed island culture here will mean fewer posts, at lower quality!"
Kreemé, yesterday


"Haha ha lol!" laughed billionaire philanthropist [stamp collector - Ed.] Throckmorton. "And dames in bikinis are welcome to quarantine themselves here for the duration - or longer, whichever comes first!"

Outreach Officer Cody was unavailable for comment. "I'm unavailable for comment," she commented yesterday, "on account which my hands are all oily from giving Farq his Maui Babe Tanning And Browning Lotion® massage regime."



The physical relocation of FalseMemoryFoam© Corporate HQ was made possible through the FBI Witness Protection Program, with special thanks to Special Agent Chester "Cheesy" Zajaczkowski

16 comments:

  1. Let me be the FIRST (!!!) to welcome you back mr III!!!!!! Can't wait for more fun and HiJinx on Foam Island!!! Woo Woo!!! All aboard the fun train (or boat)!!

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  2. This is my Sally Field Moment - I never expected such a response. I expected nothing, or *meh*, or "whatevs". Ever mindful of the needs of others - and the possibility of an HBO series and tentpole movie - I'll be posting again in a few days. And to everyone who commented or emailed - thank you.

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  3. If you're going to San FranciscoApril 7, 2020 at 8:53 AM

    Glad to see a smile back on you, Farq. It brings us smiles, too. Thanks for all you do. (And more Cody, please!)

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    1. Uh ... Cody has been promoted sideways, and back a bit. Our new Entertainment And Media Officer Kreemé (see picture above) will be assuming her responsibilities after an intensive fast-track induction course.

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    2. Don't have her do her training in the midday sun...or else she'll turn into a Kremee Brulée.

      (I'm sorry).

      Welcome back, Farq.

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  4. I think she's looking at me. Where can I get your glasses, Fark? And a big welcome back!

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  5. You friggin' rapscallion! I was worried about you. I broached the idea of taking up a collection for you but the other guys threatened to run me out of town. I don't think they really know where I live but I can't really be sure. Welcome back, Farq.

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  6. Ok, I folowed the directions you left me, and I can't find the damn island. I keep paddling around in my dinghy, but all I'm finding are sharks, seaweed and some fucking airplane (Oceanic Airlines Flight 815 is what some bloke hanging on the fuselage keeps yelling). How about throwing some breadcrumbs on the waves so I can find you'se guys?!?

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  7. Welcome back Farq,

    Good to see that you are in such beautiful and competent hands! This will certainly enable you to continue putting smiles on our faces...
    Happy isolation
    Wimp

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  8. Were you lost?
    I have been all at sea searching in a pea green boat.
    The owl and the pussy were no help as they found a bong tree and got all smoked up.

    I forgot how to log on to post and might have missed you if I could have figured out the technology

    Yours aye
    JJWombat

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  9. Farq! I saw the Post-it® note you left at the other place and flew
    right on over here. Boy are my arms tired!

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  10. Now that at least six of the 4 or 5 of us Foamheads© have sailed, swam, paddle boarded, hanglided, kayaked, wakeboarded, parachuted, bungee jumped, jet-packed, catapulted, trampolined, or clicked ourselves to this deserted island paradise effectively social distancing ourselves from the rest of the germ and yeast infested blogosphere, what sort of accomodations can we expect? Are there enough bungalows to go around (dibs!)? Did you bring along your chef and sommelier? What's for supper? And what do you want me to do with the other 2700 passengers on the Coral Princess cruise ship I hijacked to get here?

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  11. Jack Kerouac's CatApril 8, 2020 at 7:18 AM

    Wonderful news!

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  12. Now, that you're sporting those sterilized Bermuda Shorts and Flip-flops...
    we can see that you are a rustic swain at heart. And that's just from the back row.
    I've got a 2-gallon Hudson Sprayer filled with Pine-Sol lemon scent if anyone wants to pledge their allegiance to the tropical theme. I couldn't find Mango flavor. But, I'm not sure my application for foam citizenship will be accepted anyway. So, where's the Palm Tree Of Liberty?
    Footnote: pop rivets rule!
    KC

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for theoffer but my allegiance is to Pledge pine scented cleaner.

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