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| FFMFI© Laboratory Of Science, yesterday |
In layman's terms, th' Neil Young Shit-Not-Shit-O-Meter© answers a long felt need - no, not that one - for a scrupulously impartial critical assessment and scientifically authoritative rating of every studio album recorded by the Nowadays Clancy Can't Even Sing hitmaker, relieving both fan and H8R alike of the onerous [single, only - Ed.] responsibility to grade the Great Artiste's œuvre [Fr. - egg - Ed.].
"The least reliable way of rating a Neil album has always been taking his fans' word for it," the Prof. continued, eyeing Kreemé as she polished my piperack. "Neil Young fans know Jack Shit. So now - lemme plug this doohickey in - there's a science-type algorithm what does the job, and they can shut the fuck up. High five!"
The Neil Young Shit-Not-Shit-O-Meter© gives binary readings - shit, and not shit. "It was a design parameter from the outset. We're not interested in nuance and decimal points or whatever, that's a fucking waste of time with Neil."
To demonstrate its capabilities, Kreemé bent to insert Everyone Knows This Is Nowhere. The test result was immediate and unambiguous, the NOT SHIT light flashing, and the ALL CLEAR klaxon sounding over the island, scattering sleepy wildlife and disturbing my BVDs on the washing line.
"If the Four Or Five Guys© would like to bring albums to the comments - if they have any Neil Young albums - we can run 'em through th' machine at no cost," the Prof. continued, tenderly helping Kreemé replace the vinyl correctly in the inner sleeve and not like a girl, with the open edge out. "I plan to be around a while."
That's a swell offer, Prof.! I encourage the Four Or Five Guys© to participate in this groundbreaking research! Results will be recorded and tabulated in real time, right here in the post!
Please note only 8-Track and vinyl formats supported.
THOSE RESULTS IN FULL:
Everyone Knows This Is Nowhere - NOT SHIT
ARC - SHIT
Eponymous First Album - NOT SHIT
Time Fades Away - SHIT
Dead Man OST - NOT SHIT
On The Beach - NOT SHIT
Re-Ac-Tor - SHIT
Harvest Moon - NOT SHIT
Ragged Glory - SHIT
Rust Never Sleeps - SHIT
Trans - SHIT
Psychedelic Pill - SHIT
A Letter Home - SHIT
Landing On Water - SHIT
Harvest - NOT SHIT
Everybody's Rockin - SHIT
After The Goldrush - NOT SHIT
Tonight's The Night - NOT SHIT
Hawks n' Doves - SHIT
Okay, let's cut to the chase: drop in ARC and let me know what the meter reads....
ReplyDeleteAfter all the albums are scrutinized I'd like to know the S-o-NS rating of the NY Archives website.
ReplyDeleteSitarswami has no Neil Young albums ... figures ...
DeleteIncorrect, sir (if I may call you that). I do have a file of the non-CSG 1st ("eponymous" as your ed. might say) which is an improvement on the other Non-Shit versions.
DeleteI have misspoken. It is the "CSG-decoded" version offered by Prof Stoned. Here's a link to Prof's notes which make my head swim: http://www.bootlegzone.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=24006
DeleteHow about the eponymous first album?
ReplyDeleteand "Time Fades Away"?
ReplyDelete"Dead Man" OST?
ReplyDeleteDamn, that thing works fast . . .
DeleteHmmmm....
ReplyDeleteOn The Beach
The algorithm is binary, and does not distinguish between grades of shittiness.
ReplyDeleteHarvest Moon ?
ReplyDeleteAsking for a friend
Ned
Asking For A Friend would be a great title for an album.
DeleteInfinitely better than ANY title that's already been critiqued!
I can't believe we didn't get Gold Rush Moon...or Everybody Knows Moon Is...
Et Cetera
Great work, Ned
the device is perfection & the simple algorithm remains...over time it just got worse & worse. And worse....& woise Sadly po(o)pular music has been plagued with the the "Emperor's New Clothes" disease...or as that seer once said "ots, tuts, sotts" which means never trust a fanboy or listen to their heartfelt drivel about their musiloves.....Nellie Yung.......yuck- wha happened tuhya
ReplyDeleteI once went to a meeting of the Neil Young Appreciation Society in a London pub. I have never felt quite so weird and sad before or since. It was the great man's birthday, and everyone sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEIL and raised their glasses of warm beer, like they were his mates.
DeleteYoung was quite as much the poisonous, manipulative diva as any of the Buffalo Springfield or the Byrds or CSNY, yet he's adored more than the rest of them put together. A neat trick. His aw-shucks act, the battered hat, plaid shirt, and adorable eccentricities ... his fans, like Dylan's, like Trump's, will forgive him anything.
He made some of the most beautiful and lasting music of the 20th century, but so did a lot of people.
I would agree with your assessment that Young could be (can be?) as much of a dick as any of them. But I think the Prof needs to recalibrate the gizmo - Time Fades Away is most assuredly NOT SHIT.
ReplyDeleteHowzabout that Ragged Glory? Got to be NOT SHIT, huh?
I agree - Time fades away is Not only Not Shit it is most definetly Hot Shit! That maybe where all the confusion comes from.
DeleteRust Never Sleeps
ReplyDeleteTrans
If the NY-S-N-S-O-Meter (R)(tm) is ever expanded to accept inputs beyond 8-track and vinyl, I would like to resubmit the latter album at 96-bit FLAC on a Pono.
-Steward
Did Neil manage to crank out any final "not shit" albums in his cranky old years? How about Psychedelic Pill? (8-track version of course)
ReplyDeleteDammit! That DECADE album really had me fooled. I should have known those cover graphics really tell it better than the music. Is he crucified on a guitar case(on the sands of Malibu)? Maybe I needed reading glasses long before I actually got a pair. But, every time I touched that album(CD)...set my hands on fire! So, there I stood on the edge of a feather expecting to 'kneel'. Those are magnificent songs. And although he tried to do his best...his brother shot four men in a cocaine deal. I always placed him on the highest pedestal even though his voice has always sounded like he has a stomach-ache to my ears. So, I probably have a misguided light shining on Neil...especially with a "3-RECORD SET ON 2 COMPACT DISCS". Disc 1 really kicks ass until Southern Man makes me go 'UGH'!!! And, even then, Disc 2 begs to be expelled by opening with Ohio(<---liner notes: "I still find it hard to believe I had to write this song. It's ironic that I capitalized on the deaths of these American students. My best CSNY cut. David Crosby cried after this take"). Now, I know why I only own DECADE. I mean, that fringed leather jacket made me think it was Daniel Boone or Davy Crocket playing that sublime raucous/rustic guitar solo on Woodstock with a hatchet. And the rest was over and done by the the time the eye of the hurricane had passed. In theory, Topanga Canyon should have made a perfect artist out of him since Laurel Canyon has always been over populated. And if you thought Joe Cocker's 'A Mongrel, Sir' scribbled front cover was in bad taste...wait till you see the liner notes for DECADE. I think a sonic upgrade of the DECADE album would have served him better than Archives even if everybody still knows nobody owns a typewriter. He got into marketing way too late to consider himself worthy of crucifixion. Nobody knows this is everywhere...and, frankly...I'm shocked that Neil still hasn't found North on his compass. Star Of Bethlehem???
ReplyDeletePolaris!!!
KC
Throw it on the meter if you must...
'Annealed'
Delete2014's A Letter Home despite Jack White's involvement
ReplyDeleteYoung said the album was “one of the lowest-tech experiences I’ve ever had” to Rolling Stone
As a friend of mine says: Nuttier than a squirrels fart!!!!
However, in his favour, NYTimes says:
He hates Spotify.
He hates Facebook.
He hates Apple.
He hates Steve Jobs.
He hates what digital technology is doing to music.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/20/magazine/neil-young-streaming-music.html
If it helps: I can't remember the name of his digital music technology device. The device could have been shaped like an embroidered baseball cap and 'bundled' together with something 100% cotton. Instead it looked very modern and Un-Neil. Ipod, YOUpod, SHEpawed, WEpod...(Gods Peed).
DeleteI'm only stirring the pot but I will always love Neil for Expecting To Fly and for Down To The Wire! But, it's the Political Neil that killed his career!
KC
Pono, mine now makes a great paperweight. No really.
DeleteMass of two shetts?
ReplyDeleteLanding on Water = Shit
ReplyDeleteThe man could have a misunderstanding talking to himself.
time fades away is NOT shit
ReplyDeleteOn The Beach - Definitely NOT SHIT
ReplyDeleteHarvest - Hate the symphonic tracks but overall NOT SHIT
After The Goldrush - NOT SHIT
Harvest Moon - NOT SHIT
Sleeps With Angels - NOT SHIT
Ragged Glory - NOT SHIT
Rust Never Sleeps - Definitely NOT SHIT
Psychedelic Pill - SHIT
Everybody's Rockin' - SHIT
Some of the stuff on Trans amuses me, but yeah SHIT
Neil Young's fans are definitely the worst, though. Even worse than Dylan or Springsteen fanatics. He could publish a double album of his fart noises after having a burrito party and his friggin' fans would vote for it to be album of the year.
ReplyDeleteThat man has never seen the need for quality control, but sadly, neither have his fans.
Whilst, I agree with "That man has never seen the need for quality control, but sadly, neither have his fans." It's been my observation: Beatles fanatics are the worst.
DeleteBeatles fans are the worst because they believe the Beatles were the best (and first) at everything, and that any of their records is better than any other record by anybody else. Even the most rabid Neil fan would admit that "other artists are available".
DeleteBeatles fans make claims like no other fan: that Sgt. Pepper was the first gatefold album, that For Sale was the first album without the band name on the cover, that they were the first to use the sitar sound, etc. und so weiter ad infinitum. They are beyond the reach of fact or reason. They are in love, and like all lovers, can't see straight.
What nonsense! Everybody knows that the Byrds were the first at everything!
DeleteBeatles fans love to tell you how the Byrds were formed after they saw Hard Day's Night - the Byrds wouldn't even have existed without the Beatles! Tell them that the Quarrymen wouldn't even have existed without Lonnie Donnegan ...
DeleteIn one of my interviews with Barry McGuire he said that he and Gene Clark were in a small airport lounge, when they were both in the New Christie Minstrels, & heard the Beatles on the jukebox while on tour. Gene was gone within a week and Barry left a little while later. True the Silver Beatles, Quarrymen would have gone nowhere had Lonnie not left his chewing gum on the bed post overnight. As for Neil, what a schlemiel.
DeleteI once pressed a friend on why she claimed to hate The Who and under severe pressure she freely admitted "The band's fine, it's their fans I hate." As a forty-year-plus fan, how could I do anything but agree? 1990s-2000s division that puts them all to shame: Guided By Voices. Just try and say that one of the 14,609, 043267 songs that Bob Pollard has foisted on a glassy-eyed public isn't the greatest thing since sliced, umm, sliced stuff, and see what happens to you. The only group I've ever had to quit Facebook groups over because of the fascist Kool-Aid. And Uncle Bob has, in his fake English accent, written dozens of utter gems.
DeleteThe Who have fans? Live ones?
DeleteThere seems to be some misunderstanding here that I'd like to clear up if I may. Some of the Four or Five Guys are "disagreeing" with the NYSNSOM. You cannot disagree with scientific fact. The NYSNSOM algortithm is more complex than the genome string, and to arrive at that seemingly simple binary result requires the processing power of two Death Stars. If a Four or Five Guy likes, say, Ragged Glory, that's fine. It is absolutely okay to like a shit album. I like some shit albums myself. But, as a scientist, I cannot - and will not - say they are NOT SHIT just because I like them.
ReplyDeleteBut surely a tipping point in the algorithm must exist at which a given album either descends into shittiness or is deemed non-shitty by the algorithm. Nonetheless, Farq, the NY S-N-S-OMETER is without doubt one of the niftiest pieces of kit to show up since the Pono media player. I'm also glad to learn that Kreemé is slipping into her new role like an old pro. A well-burnished pipe rack is nearly as important as having all those inner sleeves properly positioned. As to Young's output, things pretty much went to shit after Danny Whitten's OD. He and Young had some kind of telepathic connection on those long jams. And where Young's concerned, you gotta respect a dude who can fashion a whole guitar break around a single note as in "Cinnamon Girl."
ReplyDeleteThat "tipping point" is the crux of the biscuit; determining it takes into account (according to the Prof.) 956,826,005 variables.
ReplyDeleteFahrthaus recounts an amusing anecdote he permits me to share here. A few weeks ago, the guys at M.I.T. were allocating funds and time to projects, and budgetary constraints necessitated that one of two projects should be abandoned in favor of the other. Those two projects? Low-cost nano-bot technology ventilators that would help millions survive covid-19, or the NYSNSOM. Which one would they continue to work on? The guys looked at each other, nodded, and, as one, said "Neil."
Once upon a time I regarded Neil as my main man, I even forgave him Trans and Everybody's Rockin' and I had hundreds of hours of live tapes, even though, as was stated in previous comments I knew he was a manipulator and user of people, picking them up and discarding them as his fancy took him. he hasn't changed as his disposal of Peggy showed. As far as his music is concerned, since David Briggs died most of his output can be summed up in the title of the 11th track of Sleeps with Angels. I rarely listen to him these days, a quick onceover for anything new and file it away, though the live Tonight's The Night set was a gem, despite not being one of the British concerts. Times have really changed when I enjoy Billy Talbot's solo albums far more than his boss's. Still waiting for Homegrown, though I wonder if it's worth the wait now.
ReplyDeleteDavid Briggs clearly had the power to exercise some quality control. Since that partnership broke, there's been nobody in his life with the authority to say, "Neil this is shit." He's surrounded himself with nodding-head dash ornaments.
DeleteTalking of David Briggs, I just fed Hitchhiker into the NYSNSOM ...
Tonight's the Night is one of my desert island disks. What say your Shit-Not-Shit-O-Meter©? And be careful here.
ReplyDeleteMy "carefulness" gots nuttin' to do with th' MARCH of SCIENCE, bud.
DeleteWhat really gets me about Neil Young (and some of the 4/5 guys plus our dear host) is that Young has always shown an asshole side yet somehow when Uncle Neil does it it's "part of his charm", 'cause he will "go where his muse will take him" and what have you (insert your own rock writer clichée here please) but when someone else does it, they're just assholes. Take a look at his old bud Stephen Stills who granted always came off as an ego-inflated asshat, but still. When Young left Stills in the middle of their Stills-Young-Band tour with a simple handwritten note, everyone's like "oh, that's so Neil, the old rascal". Had it been the other way around with Stills apruptly leaving...
ReplyDeleteTrying to turn a heavy 1950's land-yacht into an electric car was foolish, storing it with your music memorabilia even more foolish. An archive is no place for science projects that can catch fire.
DeleteHey, who let the punker on the island?!? jk I'm a Jonder fan
ReplyDeleteHaving said my piece, I offer Hawks & Doves to the Shit-Not-Shit-O-Meter©, and pledge to respect the outcome. Let the shit fall where it may.
ReplyDeleteRight back atcha, Mr. Dave! I snuck onto the island with an expired visa and am currently locked in a detention center, waiting to be deported for crimes against music.
ReplyDeleteJonder, with reference to your opinion that (I quote) "Rust Never Sleeps Ain't Shit", I refer you to the Prof.'s comment above (April 12, 2020 at 6:21 AM).
ReplyDeleteMe, I'm keeping out of this. My opinions about Neil Young are as interesting as your sock drawer.
Incidentally - your papers are good here, and you are very welcome to stay as long as you like.