"I Started This Whole VSCO Girl Thing" - FalseMemoryFoam© Staffer

Ed, yesterday

The resident sub-editor here at Th' House O'Foam©, whose name is Ed (that's how he got the job), confessed yesterday to being responsible for "that whole VSCO thing".

Wanting to set the record straight, I granted him an interview yesterday, at his walk-in dumpster home on the FMF© lot.

"It started out when I became a trending Instagram Influencer," Ed said through a cloud of bong smoke, "I was searching for a look that would set me apart from all the vapid, moronic, self-obssessed teenage girls who were following me. Man, they were a pain in the ass. So I thought, hey, Ed, why not create a brand look absolutely nobody will be dumb enough to pick up on? I called it the Very Stupid Clothing Organization. I put together a really restricted wardrobe full of overpriced and incompatible brands, combining - this is gonna make you retch - oversized t-shirts from Brandy Melville. Nike shorts. Vans, Crocs, Birks, and a fucking shell necklace. Tube tops and mom jeans. A hydroflask. Scrunchies. Huh? Me neither. Fjallraven backpacks - the fuck they are. A fresh and dewy look achieved with Mario Badescu facial spray. Which is made from goat semen, incidentally. You know, man ... I was just spitballing. Any old overpriced useless ugly fucking shit, preferably made by Chinese children chained to a bench. And the dumb bitches took me seriously. So this whole disgusting trend ... it's all my fault man. What can I say? I wanted to bring peace and love to the world and just made everything worse. Shoot me now."