Monday, August 19, 2019
The Lost Decade - Found At Last!
The unproductive decade separating 82's Angel Heart and 93's Suspending Disbelief has long been attributed to what are euphemistically referred to as "personal issues". In this exclusive FalseMemoryFoam© interview, Mr Webb [Jimmy - recording artist - Ed.] reveals for the first time exactly what happened during those missing years.
The interview took place at fashionable hipster haunt The Kosher Koffee Kompany in picturesque Lyons Falls, NY.
JW: What you having?
FMF©: What's that?
JW: Bagel Bean Frappuccino.
FMF©: Oh, waitress? I'll get one of those? Hey - Jimmy - you see the sign for this place?
JW: [laughs] Only in Lyons Falls!
FMF©: So. What happened?
JW: Well, it's a long story ...
FMF©: Can we get the short version? It's a blog on the internet, not a WAPO op-ed. We're losing readers by the keystroke here.
JW: Look. Farquhar. You have to understand his is not easy for me, speaking openly and for the first time about the extraordinary, borderline unbelievable events that profoundly impacted my life during the course of a decade! I can't just-
FMF©: [cuts in] The Monticello bus leaves in thirty. Can we wrap this up? Soundbite that tells the story?
JW: Have you heard my music? Does it sound like the Ramones to you? I put a lot of thought and-
FMF©: FOR GOD'S SAKE!
JW: [covers face with hands] I was abducted by an alien spa-
FMF©: Sorry! Gotta blow! Have my Bagel ... thing. Good talkin' to ya!
Today's Cavalcade O' Melody© offers two swell records that sound like they could have been recorded a year apart, not ten! It's a shame we shall never know the reason for those mysterious missing months. And like all Jimmy Webb albums, they leave me wondering why the poor guy gets a critical kicking for his vocals. "Great songwriter, poor performer". What horseshit. He has a great voice, and these beautiful, heartfelt albums show him at the top of his game, which, at his altitude, is solitaire.