Saturday, August 24, 2019

Get The Funk Out Of Your Face Once And For All With This Revolutionary Audio Solution

It's Saturday! The weekend is here and it's time to shake out the bugs from that mullet and get on down with your bad self! Why not invite your deadbeat pals over for a Patio Party? Like they have something better to do, yeah right. No yard, yet? Why not create your own indoor patio with Walmart© Peel n' Stick© vinyl floor tiles? Add some flowers from the local cemetery, and the illusion is complete! And why not greet your guests rocking a fun Bar-B-Q apron?

All you need now is a colorful Tupperware© bowl full of prison-grade blow cut with veterinary anæsthetic, a couple of crack whores still throwing up from the container ship, and ... music, maestro, please!

Nothing gets the party swingin' like some Old School funk. Here at Th' House
Peel-n'-Stick©, yesterday
, we get in the partay mood with Catalyst. Them and a fistful of poppers. What's that you say? You never heard of 'em? Well, poppers are ... what? Oh. Catalyst were Old School before there was even kindergarten. Imagine the fun you'll have poking your so-called friends in their hollow chests and sneering "you tellin' me you never heard of Catalyst? You fuckin' kiddin' me? Heyyyy! C'mon! I'm just bustin' ya balls, man! Relax! Haw haw haw! Wotta sap!"

Humorous apron, yesterday
The Complete Recordings, originally issued as two sets of CDs, collects their first four albums together in a fabulous feast o' funk. These were Miles [Davis - Ed.] and Herbie [Hancock - Ed.] level musicians stretching out over beats funkier than a fun-fur rug. If you dig the Headhunters, you'll flip for these guys. They make The Crusaders sound like, well, The Crusaders. Only a couple of tracks play down to the audience, so your jazzbo cred will be as high as those crack whores passed out on the Peel-n'-Stick©.

EDIT: On re-listening to this, I find it laughably inappropriate for the kind of soirée envisaged above. I apologize if you have already gone to all the trouble and expense of installing an indoor patio.


  1. Da Funk ya say?!? I'll swallow my New Orleans' pride, and our beloved Meters, Wild Magnolias, and Willie Tee and admit I never heard of 'em. But, I'll have some downtime on cellblock 9 today and give this a spin.

  2. Thank you for continuing my musical education, these guys are cool!

  3. They're as cool as a Daiquiri in the bar on the 83rd floor of the Baiyoke Sky Hotel in Bangkok. But Norlins funk they ain't. These guys have an almost chamber approach to the form - you could dance to it, but it's not really dance music.

  4. My dear Farquhar, as usual, you are correct. I could not make a gumbo while listening to this, but it would make a nice accompaniment to foie gras and pheasant. Waltz de Funk?!? Seriously, guys have some nice high end chops.

  5. Greetings earthling, Foucault INDEED NOT! It was none other than my previous cellmate, who frequently referred to his own journal & publicly cited:
    “Information is not knowledge.
    Knowledge is not wisdom.
    Wisdom is not truth.
    Truth is not beauty.
    Beauty is not love.
    Love is not music.
    Music is THE BEST.”
    Fog! Indeed, thank you very fine.

  6. 3 sticks, first let me apologize for my tone, sorry indeed. second, thanks for sharing music with the world as we know it. ONWARD thru the Fog!

    1. Gee, mumbles ... I'm tone deaf!

      We're all pals here. It's not like the internet, where you're treading on eggshells all the time.

      Your comments always very welcome. Listen to Mel - I dare you.

  7. Thanks, pals, indeed. I'll take that dare, however...I'll have to listen at a later date, it'll take time to prepare. Once the ears are limbered up & ready for whatever might occur during a leap into...The Velvet Fog.