Be A Fly On The Wall With Steve Shark! Dept.

One of the problems [muses Steve Shark - Ed.] with being a celeb of any kind is not that you might be recorded being caught out in an unguarded moment, but that that moment might escape and reach the public domain. Most of the stuff I'm going to post a link to is NSFW, so don't play it to your granny, your kids or the vicar. The sound quality isn't always good, but wherever possible I've provided transcripts.

So, we've got...

The Troggs - The Troggs Tapes
Recorded in the studio in 1970, 14 years before Spinal Tap, when the hits were drying up and the producer didn't seem to be around with his fairy dust. This contains the classic line from the late lead singer (and later UFO expert) Reg Presley - "Fuckin' drummer. Oi shit 'em!" Possibly the first tape of its kind to be released into the wild. Partial transcript.

Brian and Murry Wilson - The Help Me, Rhonda sessions
This is a drunk Murry trying to exert control over his eldest son in 1965, during the recording of the first version of "Help Me, Rhonda". Brian kept the tape rolling and captured Murry's arrogance - "I'm a genius, too!" So bad were the vibes from this session that the song was re-recorded later. As Brian later said of his father, Murry really was a beast. No one swears, but it's probably the most downright nasty recording here. No transcript for this - I couldn't find one - but the sound quality is fairly good.

Paul Anka
In which Anka shouts "Don't make a fucking maniac out of me!" and proceeds to do exactly that to himself. He also tells his crew, "When I fuckin’ move I slice like a fuckin’ hammer!" Anka was not amused when the tape got out, ascribing it to a "snake we later fired". Al Pacino used the "slice like a hammer" line verbatim in the movie "Oceans Thirteen", although it's not known whether Anka was angry or flattered. Only a censored transcript was available, so you'll have to fill in the ******* blanks yourself.

Oasis - Wibbling Rivalry
In 1995, Oasis were already very popular and about to peak, which was when this interview tape was made. Brothers Noel and Liam Gallagher basically argue about how rock & roll it is to be thrown off a ferry, and similar arguments continued until the band split up - and probably still do to this day. Transcript provided in case the Manc accent is a little difficult to understand.

Buddy Rich
In many ways, this is the best of the bunch here. Legendary jazz drummer Buddy lays into his mid-1980s touring band during pep talks - rants in truth - on the tour bus. He certainly doesn't hold back - "You motherfuckers are suckin’ all over this joint." Trombonist Dave Panichi put up with nearly 3 years of this, and once wryly commented that he could live to be 150, and find a cure for cancer, and he'd still be known as "the guy in that Buddy Rich tape". If you're a Seinfeld fan, you may recognise some of Buddy's phrases! It's a shame the sound quality is so poor, but there's a transcript which will help greatly.

So, there you go - a few of what Oliver Nelson might call "stolen moments".

Steve Shark is Professor Emeritus of Vinyl Upholstery Repair at Pork Bend University College, WIS.