My Nite Of Taboo Lust With Carly Simon Dept.

 

(Author just out of shot)

Showbiz lenser Norman Seeff was one of my "groupies" (as I affectionately called them!) back in the 'seventies. He invited me to shoots because he valued my advice - although I never got my hands dirty handling a camera (I'm not a mechanic), my genius with composition and lighting gave his work its signature look. That blurred, slightly out-of-focus thing? Nose oil on the lens. Had to be my nose oil - a particularly refined and unctuously pure nectar I bottled for him. So he was particularly keen for me to attend Carly Simon's shoot for her upcoming Playing Possum album. "Privately, Farq," he whispered over a bowl of borscht at Tinseltown's famed Brown Derby Five Star Restaurant, "she has a girl boner for you I could hang a swing from." I chuckled, waving back at Jack Nicholson. "She'll have to take a ticket, Normie. Right now I'm squiring toothsome Debbie Harry, which she is taking my advice to form a New Wave band." But the Seeffster was insistent, saying my presence at the shoot would "make things happen". I relented, because his need was transparent, and touching. I had the gift - or skill - to put his subjects at ease, distracting them from the little man fussing with the camera.

But the effect I had on Carly was nothing short of explosive. She rushed across the studio, arms outstretched to embrace me. "Farq! Oh, Farq!" she moaned, pressing her lithe, taut body to mine. I felt her nipple harden through my shirt pocket protector. "I've waited all my life for this moment!" I firmly reminded her we were professionals, snapping my fingers at Normie, fumbling a cassette into his Instamatic, and it was only my direct order that prevented her from stripping naked, so lost was she in my pheromonal tsunami. "I'll keep my boots on," she pouted. "Later, baby," I growled.

Modesty requires me to draw a discreet veil over what occurred later in her private suite at H'wood's exclusive The Chateau Marmont Five Star Hotel & Restaurant. But I can tell you that Carly opened Love's Secret Portals (3) for the proud entrance of my throbbing manhood! That she surged on wave upon wave of ecstasy all through that long, hot night, our juices mixing in a divine Cocktail of Love! And when at last she passed out (again) as dawn broke, I quietly wiped my dick on the drapes and tiptoed away. And I can tell you that "Jimmy" Taylor phoned me later that week - ever the gentleman! - to thank me for fulfilling his wife's womanly potential. "She's taught me some of your moves, Farq, and you know? When she cries out your name, my friend, I'm flattered." It's a story that does us all credit, I think, and perhaps sharing it here will add to your listening pleasure of this swell album, a personal favorite!

And remember, pals - when you're looking at the cover photograph you are literally looking at Carly through my Nose Nectar. Fun fact!