Gwyneth Paltrow's Psychedelic Pspa

Th' Goopster, yesterday

Lovely Gwyneth Paltrow [left - Ed.] is justly celebrated for her work with Dream Catcher technology and sustainable kelp face-packs, but few know of her love for late-sixties psychedelic music! A long-time lurker at Th' House O' Foam©, she agreed to be interviewed at her Holistic Healthfulness Yurt on the outskirts of picturesque Bakersfield, CA., overlooking the disused tuna cannery.

FMF©: Swell yurt you got here!
GP: It was ethically created by my Estonian orphans from shade-grown polymers.
FMF©: Excellent. I know you have an album you want to share, but I'd like to hear about your time with The Police.
GP: It was all a misunderstanding. She told me she was-
FMF©: You had that big hit, uh, Roseanne? (sings in high-pitched voice) You don't have to switch on the red light!
GP: (laughs) Oh that! A long time ago. I've moved on since ...
FMF©: And you had quite the solo career! That Concert For World Hunger singing with the dugongs off Fernando Po. Air-lifting your albums to those jungle dudes in Brazil, with your CDs in their lips. Your brave advocacy of tantric sex education for schoolgirls. Is there anything else you feel a burning desire to address?
GP: Yes. Fans - especially women of a certain age - old - of Engelbert Humperdinck. They are a form of eugenic pollution that should be erased from the world.

FMF©: Can we talk about the album?
GP: It's a wellness tool at my Psychedelic Pspa.
FMF©: Don't stand so, don't stand so, close to me!
GP: It's by Hendrickson Road House, and-
FMF©: Massage in a bottle! Hahahahaha! 
GP: Okay. I'm requesting closure on this interview. (calls out) SECURITY!