"It Was Easy, It Was Cheap" Dept. - Nobby's Guide To Sticking It To Hitsville U.K.

Television Personalities, yesterday

No slimy deals with smarmy eels In Hitsville UK So sang the well known CBS recording artists, The Clash, with a nod to Motown and in praise of the new independent DIY record label explosion, which they never joined.

Between 28 December1976 and 29 January 1977 Buzzcocks recorded, pressed and distributed their Spiral Scratch ep, entirely self financed at a cost of £500. This had followed Stiff Records, the previous August, famously financed by a loan of £400 from Lee Brilleaux of Dr Feelgood. A punk fanzine, Sideburns (not Sniffin Glue as everyone usually attributes it too) had famously shown everyone how to play three chords and form a band [left - Ed.]. So having learned the chords you could all now go out and make a record. "It was easy, it was cheap...(£153)... go and do it" extolled The Desperate Bicycles on their record sleeve in March 1977. The T V Personalities' "Where's Bill Grundy Now" e.p. also spells out the various costs involved. The following is a selection of  songs which appeared over the next few years from the bands that did just that, or at least signed up to an independent label that had already done it. Because I am fond of a lyric that doesn't take itself too seriously I have concentrated on the ones that represent what I have seen described as "the under appreciated world of bizarro post punk". I had never come across the term before but I rather like it.

Sadly none of them became hit records, and many of the performers didn't carry on in the music business, they just had fun while it lasted and then got on with the rest of their lives.

Not sure how many of the 4 or 5 of you will be familiar with these, maybe you know them all, maybe you don't know any. I bought them all (bar one) over 40 years ago and I rate them all highly. The only one I don't own is the first one "Bloody", which somehow passed me by at the time, but is now my favourite. If you don't listen to them all, at least give that one a go, once heard you'll not get it out of your head.

Bloody : The Golinski Brothers : Attrix Records : 1979

"Well, this is the best record in the world for this week..... People have been given the OBE for less, a lot less” John Peel

Name me a song with a better opening line than this:

"I want to go where they've never seen snow, send my giro to Cairo"

Then name me a song with a better chorus than this:

"What am I bloody well supposed to do, got my bloody well self, bloody stuck on you"

Named after their guitarist Bob, the rest of the band weren't brothers but seem to have adopted his name like wot the Ramones did. Originally on a compilaiton called Vaultage 79 ftom Attrix Records, highlighting bands from Brighton, there was also Vaultage 80 and 78, see later.

Bob Golinsky went on to become a well respected barrister but passed away in 2020, if you look him up, there has been some very nice tributes paid to him.

Playing Bogart : 23 Jewels : Let's Call It Temporary Records : 1979

A great example of a low cost noisy mess of a record that just captures something magical, a bit like Medicine Head's early single "His Guiding Hand" (the magic not the style). Simpson went on to a career in classical music apparently.

"I had been working at WH Smiths in Manchester, it struck me for the first time, going in and out of town on the bus, how people geared themselves up for a Friday night out; I was single, probably a bit lonely, and saw the whole thing as a bit of a charade". - Nick Simpson

The Baby She's On The Street : Jona Lewie : Stiff Records : 1978

His real name is John Lewis and he had been in Brett Marvin & The Thunderbolts who had a hit single with "Seaside Shuffle" when they were masquerading as Terry Dactyl & the Dinosaurs. So many nom de plumes that I'm surprised there aint a statute to him on th' IoF©. Suggested statue at left [left - Ed.].

Of course he went on to fame and fortune with " You'll Always Find Me in the Kitchen at Parties" and "Stop the Cavalry". You will notice  his habit of slurring his words here which is even more apparent on a B side of his "I'll Get By in Pittsburgh" where the whole lyric is a mystery as he sings it like a badly recorded blues singer from the 1920's.

Lord Lucan is Missing : The Dodgems : Attrix Records : 1978

To the non-anglophiles here, this is the story of one of our aristos [left - Ed.] who alledgedly [allegedly my arse - Ed.] murdered the nanny after mistaking her for the wife. He then disappeared, sparking tabloid interest to this day wondering whether he topped himself or was spirited away by his friends in high places. From the compilation Vaultage 78.

Showing Off To Impress The Girls : The Art Objects :Heartbeat Records : 1980

"Look at all those shy young boys, who don't even know they are shy" it begins and then continues with a girl's eye view of the chaps setting their caps at her.

Toe Knee Black Burn : Binky Baker : Stiff Records : 1978

The only thing I know about him is that he is the husband of Anne Nightingale, the radio one D.J. The lyrics are an in depth evaluation of the life and career of that other BBC radio one DJ, Tony Blackburn.

Love and a Molotov Cocktail : The Flys : Zama : 1977

From their self financed "Bunch of Fives" e.p. They were picked up by EMI who released a couple of lps and were championed by John Peel, doing three sessions, but they never took off and soon split up. Singer Neil O'Connor joined his sister Hazel's band.

Wot's For Lunch, Mum, Not Beans Again : The Shapes : Sofa Records : 1979

From Leamington Spa, with the gloriously named Seymour Bybuss on vocals. If I ever do a follow up compilation it will feature another song ftom the same e.p. "I Saw Batman in the Laundrette"

Max Bygraves Killed My Mother : The Atoms : Rinka Records : 1979

Didn't know until starting my research that this was actually the subsequent comedian Keith Allen, father of singer Lilly.

Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen : Clive Pig and the Hopeful Chinamen : Waldo's Records : 1979

Apparently he is now a succesful modern day troubadour, telling stories, reading poetry and singing songs at schools around the world

Iggy Pop's Jacket : Those Naughty Lumps : Zoo Records : 1979

Frontman Pete Hart was a librarian at Liverpool Poly when I was there in the days when you used to get your books stamped as you borrowed them (maybe you still do, it's a long time since I've been in a library). He is now a world famous historian at The Imperial War Museum

Part Time Punks : T.V. Personalities : Kings Road Records : 1978

From the ep "Where's Bill Grundy Now" [left- Ed.], their most famous song beautifully captures the moment when a movement implodes :

"Then they go to Rough Trade
To buy Siouxsie and the Banshees
They heard John Peel play it
Just the other night
They'd like to buy the O Level single
Or Read about Seymour
But they're not pressed in red
So they buy The Lurkers instead"

Let's Go : Blitzkrieg Bop : Lightning : 1977

From Middlesborough, a little ditty about those goddamn hippies in San Fransisco, probably never been out of the north east of England in their lives but you know "Never trust a hippy" as we were told at the time.

Sheepdog Trials In A Babylon : Shoes For Industry : Fried Egg Records : 1980

A theatrical group from Bristol with some splendidly daft songs., including this bit of cod reggae nonsense. They also recorded an lp with more of the same, including "Invasion of the French Boyfriends", which some of you may remember if you downloaded my holiday mixtape from a few weeks ago. (Still available at no extra cost Hallelujah Europa.rar https://www.imagenetz.de/eiLqg )

Don't Crush Bees to Death with your Walking Stick : Wavis O'Shave : Company Records : 1979

From his first e.p. "Your Denis smokes Tabs" (tabs = geordie slang for cigarettes). He later gained some tabloid headlines with his lp "Anna Ford's Bum", the subject of which was an English newsreader at the time, all deeply satirical stuff, you know.

She Goes to Fino's : Toy Dolls : Volume Records : 1980

To round off we have this lot from Sunderland singing about a local nightclub. They had a hit single later with their punked up version of Nellie the Elephant, and are still going strong, being very popular in Japan in particular.