"Then I went solo for a while," adds Kristofferson between vape hits. "Some records, some movies." His movie roles include the unforgettable deaf-mute Lars Larsson in We Lost Our Snowshoes which garnered the Golden Seaswallow of Knökke award, and Professor Pajama in The National Film Board Of Canadia's The Land Of Wonderful Science.
Here's some albums what you should familiarise yerself with on account of inherent swellness.
All kidding aside, a great man who did just about everything (except sing too well). If you ever feel like feeling inadequate and inconsequential, look up his bio on wiki. Wotta guy.
ReplyDeleteSeven albums, including a couple with Rita Ritacoolidge. To qualify, tell us about a meal you can fix yourself that's pretty good, even though you do say so yourself.
The French are impressed by my Cassoulet.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of the borscht n' bris circuit:
After 40 years on the job, a Mohel is about to retire.
He's performed thousands of circumcisions and saved all the foreskins in a jar. He takes them to the best leatherworker in town and asks if he could do anything with them as a commemoration of his long career. "Sure, be back in two weeks says the leatherworker."
Two weeks later the Mohel returns, and the leatherworker gives him a beautiful wallet. "That's all, after 40 years? Just a small wallet?"
"Well," says the leatherworker, "if you rub it a bit, it turns into a suitcase."
Version I heard was a set of matched luggage.
Delete
DeleteAn older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm.
Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:
“Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.”
They go home and follow the rabbi’s advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn’t help and she is still unsatisfied. They go back to the rabbi.
“Okay,” says the rabbi, “let’s try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.”
Once again, they follow the rabbi’s advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm.
”There you go Sonny”, says the old man triumphantly, ” THAT’S the way you wave a fucking towel!”
LOL!!!!!
Delete"I'll be here all week. Enjoy the veal..."
Delete"Tip your waitress"
DeleteWere going to take a break now, but we'll be right back with The Silver Sateens with their brand of our kind of entertainment, comin' right at ya!
DeleteOK, I loled irl...
ReplyDeleteKris & Rita's "waiter, there's a fly in my soup" routine was not as good.
OTOH, my father's favorite as some old comedian's one about ordering some soup. The waiter quickly brings him his soup but he doesn’t eat.
The waiter returns after a few minutes.
“Sir. Is there something wrong with your soup?”
“Try it.”
“Is the soup cold?”
“Try it.”
“too hot?”
“Just try the soup.”
“Not enough beef, too much broth, does it smell funny?”
“What are ya, mishegas? Just try the soup!”
“Alright!” “Where’s the spoon?”
"AHA!"
Classic!
DeleteWell, we haven't had enough recipes to deserve Kriskriss Ritarita yet, but here's some harsh, unfeeling humor for youse bums: https://workupload.com/file/A8ZvkRJLxZY - George Jessel, George Burns, Art Linkletter & Jack Benny, being shamefully badly-behaved and potty-mouthed.
DeleteThat's great, but where's Jascha Heifetz the world's greatest virtuoso of singing wine glasses?
DeleteSince none of youse bums are fallowin' da rules, I make a mean scallop risotto, in addition to the usual NO standards: gumbo, jambalaya and red beans. Pro tip: in your pot of red beans, add some pan seared, and emulsified, chicken livers. Thank me later.
ReplyDeleteThat's me knocking on your door, pmac!
DeleteMe, I can fix a great bacon and eggs, or striploin and mashed potato.
Comfort food, brother!
DeleteOoooooh, scallop risotto sounds good. Whenever I come to Valencia, that dinner invitation is on, right?!
DeleteAbsolutely, my friend. The Espana locale of FMF.
DeleteThe food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King! Good Boy!"
ReplyDeleteHenny Youngman
I'm not a huge fan of 'formal cooking' (exact list of ingredients, hours of preparation, minute attention to details stuff), but I think I'm pretty good at serving all kinds od reasonable stir fry dishes with whatever vegetable, meat and pasta or potatoes are around.
ReplyDeleteThe One Buck Guy special is a mango-peanut butter-sauce chicken. Not good on the waistline but very yummy.
That sounds great, OBJ. Love stir fry.
DeleteBermuda Bun:
ReplyDeleteIn a toasted English muffin spread:
thin-sliced sweet onion
honey mustard
cheese slice
ham slice
It'll make you as good lookin' as me.
Now let's serve up the Kristofferson.
I am totally going to do this. Except I'll have to replace the muffin, or maybe my wife can learn to make them. She has a small bakery business, makes great bread, croissants, and pastries.
DeleteI suppose any bun would do. The real secret is the sweet onion & honey mustard.
DeleteHere's a recipe you might want to inflict upon your wife.
Deletehttps://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/a30983749/english-muffin-recipe/
I theng kew!
DeleteI will try the chicken livers in the red beans...
ReplyDeletemeanwhile, tasso, tasso, tasso fixes everything...sez the nice Jewish boy
A British General is inspecting a field hospital in the desert during the first Gulf War.
ReplyDeleteWhile reviewing the wounded he comes upon a soldier lying in bed.
NOTE: As told in a perfectly arrogant British midlands accent:
What’s your ailment son?
Gonorrhea sir.
Gonorrhea?
Yes sir!
And what’s your treatment?
Three times a day on the wire brush sir!
And what’s your fondest wish in the world?
To be back on the front lines fighting for the queen sir!
As he works is way down the line the General spots another young soldier:
What’s your ailment son?
Hemorrhoids sir!
Hemorrhoids?
Yes sir!
And what’s your treatment?
Three times a day on the wire brush sir!
And what’s your fondest wish in the world?”
To be back on the front lines fighting for the queen sir!
He then comes upon the last soldier lying on a cot:
What’s your ailment son?”
Bleeding gums sir!
Bleeding gums?
Yes sir!
And what’s your treatment?
Three times a day on the wire brush sir!
And what’s your fondest wish in the world?
To be FIRST on the wire brush sir!
Yikes!!!
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPu5yjEverE
ReplyDeleteSweet!
DeleteHere's Kriskris (n' Ritarita) - seven albums of stubbly country croonin'. If you know Robert Christgau, it'll be entertaining seeing the grades he gives Kris in his Consumer's Guide - all Ds, as I remember. He really loathes the guy, and I think it's plain old jealousy. Kris is literate, academic, had a distinguished (if short) military career, wrote a bunch of hit songs, starred in movies, got to jump Ritarita's lovely bones ... the kind of life that's rightfully mine. But I ain't jealous - I'm happy for him. Life can be great. That's what makes it great.
ReplyDeleteA+
I saw Mr Kristofferson at The Sydney Opera House in the early 70`s. I cantt recall if Ms. Coolidge was with him - how could I forget that?
ReplyDeleteI do recall that the band included Donnie Fritts ( I became a fan of his much later) & Billy Swan. Of the latter Mr.K said he was one of the greatest songwriters h`d ever heard & he was going to be a big star. I think it was the next year that "I Can Help" was released. Surprisingly Mr.K did not allow either a solo spot in the concert which was a pity. Mr.K also had a hand in getting John Prine a recording contract we should all concur with Austin Lucas who stated " never forget it was Donald Trump who killed John Prine" ( not to downplay the other thousands of needless deaths}. Thus endeth today`s sermon. The Rev.Dr.Baz Minister The Church Of Ecstatic Truth.
Big fan of Donnie Fritts myself - here's already on th' IoF©, with Billy Swan to come.
DeleteLate to the party but heard this told by multiple comics in Borscht Belt hotels back in the day, so I guess it's a classic:
ReplyDeleteI love the golf course here at Kutsher's. I hit the two best balls of my life here today. I stepped on a rake.
(Bah-dah-bahm.)
My Butter Chicken comes out pretty edible but it ain't my recipe or anything. But I'm hear to talk about Kris -- I never saw the much lauded We Lost Our Snowshoes but my first experience with Kristofferson was seeing the original A Star is Born in the theater where his chest hair had more screen time than ... than it ought to! As a middle schooler into the hard rock of the time it was not a good first impression and it took me many decades to finally come around and discover his earlier pre-Gambler work which we're allowed to like (now I don't care if I'm allowed to like something or not or course) Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI think I'm just now realizing that I've been holding Kristofferson responsible for Kenny Roger's mid-70s pap! All those country artists kind of blended together in my mind before I came to appreciate some of it. Sorry Kris!
Delete