Thursday, January 7, 2021

T.V.'s Sid Slaw Explains Dept. - Where The King Crimsons Went Wrong!

T.V.'s Sid Slaw [left - Ed.] shot to fame as Fred MacMurray's stunt double for three seasons of N.B.C.'s The Nunkie Bupkiss Show ("I can't remember how many times I tripped over L'il Binkie's wagon!" he laughs today), but uses his off-camera time to point out where major stars of rock, pop n' roll went wrong.

"Take The King Crimsons, now. They could have been as big as The Moody Blues, but they did all that highbrow, difficult stuff that no dame in her right mind wants to get cosy to. And to make it big in this wonderful business we call show, you have to have what I call Dame Appeal - and let me tell you, pally - Sid Slaw speaks from experience!"

You know what, subscribers? T.V.'s Sid Slaw ain't whistlin' Dixie! So I asked Kreemé and Cody to come up with a dame-friendly Crimso album, drawing from the McDonald and Giles album on account there's not much Crimso stuff that doesn't give you gas, and the gals worked long into the night to come up with this here album. It's full of swell, dreamy tunes with no chafing, no unsightly residue, and no bitter aftertaste! Next time you're pitching woo at your main squeeze, slip this onto th' Victrola - she'll come across like the Staten Island Ferry!

28 comments:

  1. Please educate the other Four or Five Guys just exactly what it is you find so strangely attractive about "progressive" music.

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  2. Progressive music makes me feel sexy.

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  3. Crimson for girls...very funny! That McDonald and Giles album is fantastic, and I listen to it often. I'm interested in see what else Kreemé and Cody put on there. What I find attractive about progressive music is that it makes every else go home.

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    1. I'll be honest - putting this together not only gave me gas, but a mild case of perineum hives. I'll upload it later after a scalding hot shower and a brisk exfoliation with a salt lick - right now I feel soiled.

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  4. ar, and indeed, f.
    That album, with its politely psychedelic cover, shows our two louche correspondents from the progface ambling through a pastoral dreamscape with their respective ladies. I never knew for sure which one was McDonald and which one was Giles. The important thing was that I knew which of the two ladies I liked best. I was 15 at the time. Still gets a spin every now and again; it's a lot less EXHAUSTING than anything by (particularly later) Crimson. Sorry it gave you gas Farq; nothing a quick spin around the block in a Lotus Seven or a Mini Moke won't shake free for you!

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  5. Have you had your shower yet Farq? Can we have a link?

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  6. The last "Crimson" show I saw, had even fewer women than the last Steely Dan show I saw, where my wife remarked: "I've been going to concerts since '67, and this is the first time that the line for the ladies' room is shorter than the men's room. If it wasn't for the poor fashion sense, and cheap haircuts, you'd think this was a gay crowd"

    So what do I find strangely attractive about "progressive" music? It's more engaging than the fucking Eagles, Beatles, Bee Gees etc. etc.

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  7. "Take the King Crimsons"....please (TOTH to Henny Youngman)

    (Robert Fripp, tho...and that version of "Heroes" with Blondie)

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  8. boring boring boring
    LIVE a bit, please

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    1. digging yourself in deeper there, eh?

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    2. I think this is our friend Yankee Boy, the only person on the internet with, you know, a life? Why he wastes so much of it here is beyond me.

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  9. Was never a big prog fan, but for a brief period, I did enjoy some of the earlier Genesis albums. Never really listened to much KC outside of their 1st lp and Red. If I had known that women were repulsed by them, there was a time in the early 2000s that I would have used that knowledge to grease the skids with the original Ms Pmac.

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  10. A Crimson fan to whom I sent this page responded with this: https://www.patmastelotto.com/a-romantics-guide-to-king-crimson

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    1. Pat Mastelotto, just about nails it with that collection. I made a similar playlist of KC tracks.

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    2. Clearly not compiled by girls. The Cody/Kreemé collection is much more Babe Friendly.

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  11. Wow. This sounds just like 4'33. The long version.

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  12. Catchy tunes played with flash and style.

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  13. The only prog rock I like is the kind that's not -- like "the Softies" first two albums (before they added horns).

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  14. This is gonna get ugly rill quick. I just picked up a Previously Owned, semi-high (coff) mileage King Crimson at a charity shop a few hours ago. If later you see some guy running "Home Alone"-pose screaming down the street (think Edvard Munch), it might be me.

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  15. Forgot to add:

    It's "In The Wake Of Poseidon"

    - B.(ought it for the cover... what else...?)

    https://www.discogs.com/King-Crimson-In-The-Wake-Of-Poseidon/master/406645

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    1. If you've got the original vinyl on pink Island, they are very rare. Doh! sorry I'll get my coat.

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    2. Sorry, it's the (run o' the mill?)(haven't read any matrices.. yet...)(not that there's anything bong with that...) red & green (US) Atlantic, with the "composition book" inner "company" sleeve.

      . . . read . . .

      Helluva time-out, I had a bear of a time even deciphering the inner gatefold's text (printed in sorta SILVER type...) Eyes ain't what they usta be I guess...

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  16. link down? I have females to convert!

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    1. *cough* - "I shall be posting all four as a "box" set (snigger) shortly, Shirley."

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