TL-DR Dept. - Playing Touch n' Tickle With Deadmandeadman

You know that great new car smell? Four Or Five Guy© deadmandeadman smells like that. But only until you get to the end of this, his showroom-mileage screed for th' Isle O' Foam©. A work of towering genius.

The doctor and twenty assistants were sifting through the ashes looking for the photos of phony mustaches to match with the posters they got from the Feds. They soon understood it would do them no good so they opted to draw one instead. The artist among them had broken his arm and the doctor was useless as hell, and the absence of paper, pencil, or pen proved problematic as well. They hoped to abandon their mission but the rainbows were already blue, so they loaded the van while some of them ran unsure of what they should do. The posse was restless, they'd gathered in town, riding their turtles, hunting them down. But storm clouds had risen off in the east, dropping some rain where they needed it least and all the Boll Weevils were having a feast, while the doctor was having conniptions. So he reached to his vest for the thing he loved best and wrote himself a prescription. The neighbor lady was rubbing one out and was lost to the world for a time, floating on feathers, feeling sublime, pleasure beyond description. The locals had gathered outside of the church waiting for someone to lead them, they all wore mustaches they found in the ashes, they knew they were going to need them. The Mayor addressed them from high on his perch, sure he was gonna be left in the lurch, alone without mustache he raced for the church while the locals were milling about. Someone was singing and church bells were ringing and the crowd sang twist and shout. The Chief of Police was rolling in fleece with the janitor's niece playing touch and tickle. While a half drunk clown from the neighboring town was flying the hammer and sickle. 

But the phony mustaches they'd found in the ashes were starting to fall off their faces, so they started to hide by running inside and hiding in unlikely places. They entered the church where the mayor was perched and each one selected a pew. They wanted to pray but what would they say? They didn't have a clue. The rain started falling while the faithful were calling for help from the daydream above. The Mayor cried and was crucified for saying.............

All they needed was love.