Sunday, August 9, 2020

Swimsuit Siren Offers Clickbait Service

Hortense Vavavoom [at left - Ed.] stopped by th' IOF© yestiddy to offer her clickbait service.

HV My stats [36-24-33? - Ed.] show your blog is dying on its feet, Farq.
FMF© Why, thank you!
HV And I'm here to inject a little vim, moxie, pep and gusto into the place!
FMF© Gee, Hortense ...
HV For a small down payment and affordable monthly installments, I'll allow your blog to post a picture of me what's guaranteed to have them horny old bastards piling onto your island in their thousands! 
FMF© I'm not sure that "horny old bastards" are my target demographic.
HV Maybe you'll get the Sturgis crowd here with their two-wheeled lifestyle transportation solutions!
FMF© Uh - I don't think so, Hortense. But do you have some music you'd like to share?
HV Well, how about Blood Sweat & Tears Live From The Psychedelic Supermarket 1968?

FMF© Is this an audience recording?
HV Of course it is. But it's pretty good.
FMF© Well, okay then.
HV Can't interest you in my service?
FMF© I don't think so. When the time comes that I need to post cheesecake to keep my pulse popping, I'm shutting up shop.

(Sorry, guys! But we have certain standards here and I'm not prepared to pander to the common herd, to debase the high tone we have struggled to establish, to compromise our rigorous ethical stance, for a few extra clicks!)

31 comments:

  1. To prove you can read as well as leer, simply name the recording on offer!

    (@320 or whatever. Supplied by Wicked Messenger JCC, to whom our thanks).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blood Sweat & Tears Live From The Psychedelic Supermarket 1968

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    2. Of all your life achievements, this is the one of which you have reason to be most proud. Remembering the title of an album may seem easy - especially to you youngsters out there! - but believe me, from someone who, like I, spends most of his waking life wondering what he came into the room for, this ... this ... where the heck was I? What did I come into this comment box for?

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    3. Mama Told Me Not To Come. Oops. Wrong horn rawk act...

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  2. I applaud your high standards and would even insist that she come around the island frequently just to show her you haven't changed your mind.

    ReplyDelete
  3. person, woman, man, camera, tv

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey - are you the "Erik" who just posted this in the comments to Bill Maher's YouTube eulogy to Trump?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDh4cNtY4gs

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  4. Right ... looks around room ... scratches balls ...

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  5. She wants money...
    (she must be from Los Angeles)
    That photo must be from her portfolio...
    call her agent and threaten to have her arrested for pandering.
    I mean what kind of arrogance can we afford around here?
    Especially under such a misdirect...music isn't vivacious
    but the concert might contain historical merit!
    Got any Playboy mags pre-1965?
    Now, I'm ready for Blood Sweat And Tears
    I love them more than you'll ever know!
    Fanfare, please...
    alright, pass the hat around...she needs juke box money!

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  6. I want that red, vertical striped, coat.

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  7. Ah! I remember what I came in here for -

    https://workupload.com/file/WNcMz6PPAah

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  8. Hortense looks about to keel over, but I wonder if that might not be due to some form of optical illusion, what with the slimness of the hips. I suspect she uses the same photographer Kremee did (sorry, I forgot where to put which diacretic), some of whose pictures showed the same type of disproportion, but at least Kremee possessed the curly smile and far less vampiness. You show real wisdom in refusing to bow to her pecuniary demands and invoke some deep morality in turning her down.
    Thanks to you and JCC (?) for the BS&T!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DiacrITic, it's just too sweltering hot over here.

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  9. The BS&T is the original first album line-up, one of my all-time swellest albums. Even Al Kooper didn't know about this tape - apparently the only live recording ever made by that line-up.

    I've been very heartened by the support for the new "woke" policy of refusing to use click bait pictures. We can all be proud, I think.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Back in the early 80s, I stopped in a Bourbon St dive bar. Bartender told me to stick around some guy who used to play with BS&T was going to play. Sure enough, Al Kooper took the damn stage and played a solo acoustic set.

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    2. "some guy who used to play with BS&T ..."

      Jeez. Great story.

      Have you listened to the tape, pmac? You can hear Janis in the background during the interview.

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    3. Yeah, and this place was/is a real shithole. How Kooper would up there is a whole nother story (and To Kooper's benefit, he was helping out a NO musician that he knew who was down on his luck). I haven't gotten all the way through to the interview, but what I have heard this far is damn good. Thanks, Farq. Kooper released a great live album a few years/decades ago that was a retrospective of his career - Soul of a Man. Highly recommend.

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  10. I really love that first album, too!
    I guess I woodn't mind meeting her hair and her tan...
    (would ye? or...wood ye? the diacritic is silent)

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  11. Cheesecake? Around here? No, sireeee. Never have you ever...

    (Kremeé doesn't count, it's her work outfit.)

    But how about some Black Forest cherry tart, huh? Any takers?

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  12. As pmac probably knows, New Orleans own Luther Kent did a stint as BST's lead vocalist. Big Luther could bring a house a down.

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    Replies
    1. Yep - somewhere I have a bootleg recording of Big Luther and BST. I caught Kooper at the Absinthe House. He was playing for Bryan Lee (gave all the proceeds and tip bucket $ to Lee).

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    2. Very cool. One time (1976?) when he played the Kingfish with this (seemingly) enormous band--we had a relatively small stage and he showed up with a horn section from a band called The Boogie Kings--he asked one of the bartenders to go get him a roast beef po-boy from The Library in Tiger Town and gave him a hundred dollar bill and we all fell out.

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    3. Man, the Kingfish. Good times.

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  13. It looks like she is checking out her new boob job and wishing she went a tad larger. Or there is a spotted lantern fly on her foot.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Retina distortion and/or RODs and cones mayhem!
    Seven days makes a hole weak...
    Especially with the lip implants.
    That's an 18" waist if I ever saw one!
    Why can't she admit that's a borrowed wedding ring around her nether finger...

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  15. If she were my daughter...I'd(!)
    (what would you do daddy???)

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  16. I thought it was clitfake.

    Shut the front w- ...DOOR.

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  17. I'm pleasantly surprised by and thankful for her good musical taste. I'm proud of you for passing on her other services though; we don't need any more horny old bastards on this island -- it's already crawling with them!

    ReplyDelete