The poison cherub will blame Bert Berns for the album, wrongly called Blowin' Your Mind. He'll blame passers-by, Catholics, Jews, lawyers, People Of Diversity. He is probably the world's least likeable human being, alienating every poor son of a bitch who has to work with him. And yet, this unpleasant, resentful, sour, paranoid little shit will, in a few months, record one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever created, a suite of songs like nothing else before or since. Go figure, as Buddha said.
Here on th' IoF©, it is our duty to correct the mistakes of Great Artistes, to improve their albums, and it is in that spirit we present his first album - sensibly and obviously retitled Brown Eyed Girl - with a subtle yet telling revamped running order. T.B. Sheets loses all the gag-inducing references, in a new and reasonably listenable 5:45 minute edit retitled Cool Room. And Chick-A-Boom gets its rightful place on the album for the first time.
It's still not a lost masterpiece, but it's a pretty good first album. I've given it a kind of contemporary Pop Art cover, inspired by the Bang! Records logo. It's no masterpiece either, but it's good enough.
Hurrah! It's th' Holiday O' Mirth here on th' Isle O' Foam©! Try to copy paste a joke we an't already seen in a antecedent Holiday O' Mirth comment! Got a great after dinner story that slays 'em at th' Elks Club convention? Let's hear it!
ReplyDeleteMe, I got nuthin'.
Psst...wanna kilt joke?
DeleteTourist to Scotsman in national costume: "What's worn under the kilt?"
Scotsman: "Nothing - it's all in perfect working order."
Another kilt joke.
Q. What's the difference between a Scotsman and Walt Disney?
A. A Scotsman wears a kilt, but Walt Disney.
Knock knock.
ReplyDeleteWho's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Babs is busy right now putting the finishing touches to her 14,000 word piece on Agrarian Reform In The Low Countries (1825-1891).
DeleteOh wait - here ya go - spool forward to around 4:19 for the leg kick that never fails to elicit a snot-snort of mirth -
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44wDwMQVqCc
I never could remember any good jokes...I'm more of the improvising kind.
ReplyDeleteSo, in honor of your francophilie [Ed? Yo, Ed, wake up, man, we need help here...], here's two of my son's favorites.
Qu'est-ce qu'est jaune et attend?
C'est Jonathan!
--------
Quel poisson ne fête pas son anniversaire?
Le poisson pané!
Ze Frairnch, zey are ze mastair of ze pun!
DeleteToc, toc, toc
DeleteQui est là?
Toc, toc, toc
Qui est là?
Toc, toc, toc
Qui est là?
Toc, toc, toc
Qui est là?
Philip Glass
Babs est actuellement occupée à mettre la touche finale à son article de 14,000 mots sur La Réforme Agraire au Pays-Bas (1825-1891).
DeleteOh, I thought you meant somebody was going to kick The Man in
ReplyDeletethe leg, so that's a bit of a disappointment. Anyway, I've just
now remembered the time, possibly back in the early 80s (I'm not
very good with chronology), when I went to visit a friend in
Northern California and ended up at the Mabuhay watching the
Panther Burns. During a lull in the show -- and, let me add,
improbably enough -- Tav Falco managed to bump his face on the
microphone which had been set up in front of him. Then, without
so much as looking over to meet the audience's gaze, he said,
"Like a steppin' razor!"
In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath. Answer: throw in your washing.
ReplyDeleteWe were all having a good laugh about this, when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said “I don’t find that very funny.
"My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits.”
I said “Sorry mate. Did he drown?”
“No,” he said, “he choked on a sock.”
Clar hits it out of the park with this one. Although what it was doing in the park in the first place is a mystery.
DeleteYeah, that's one hit right out of the ball park. I'm taking my bat and ball and going home, I'm not in the same league.
DeleteI'll just assume youse bums is shy, blushin' wallflowers, an' loadup this stuff anyways.
ReplyDeletei only have one joke but it is the funniest in the world.
Deletea woman with a bad headache got on a crowded bus . she pulled her bottle of pills out of her purse and opened it.
the bus stopped suddenly and they went flying.
loudly she yelled.... "oh, my aspirins! my aspirins!"
the helpful bus driver shouted, "stick it out the window lady and cool it off!!"
this joke has been slaying them at various cocktail parties since i was six.
pad kid poured curd pulled cod {MIT says this is hardest tongue twister ever!
ReplyDeletedoubtin that
plum outa jokes but am occasionally creating tongue twisters
-----vocalize 3x fast if you dare-----
ie
"she's seldom selfish, so surely suzi sushi chef should sell sheldon shellfish"
solemn sheldon seldom saw solomon slaloming
three free throws
going groin groan growing
Not so many funny things in the news lately. Like conversation starters, though, I am dumb enuf to have zero jokes stored up and ready to deploy at a moment's notice. Thus, with my recent visit to the aye doktor in mind, I am reminded that 5 out of 10 Japanese CEOs have Cataracts, while the other half drive Rincolns. These statistics are clearly out of date here in whatever century this is, so I'm hoping that the Ringworm song is in this collection, as an anecdote to the tuberculosis gag, at least.
ReplyDeleteThe Reverend Dr Baz states that the following quip is noted for its brevity & offensiveness:
ReplyDeleteA seal cub walks into a club.
Ah, George Ivan goes Bang!Bang! Bang! on Bert Berns' ass.
ReplyDeleteMost of you will probably have this already, but here's the tracks he cut to get out under Berns' cutthroat contract. He owed thirty tracks, so thirty tracks of glorious bullshit he delivered. It's good for a chuckle to listen to once.
https://workupload.com/archive/YUVF5se9