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| Some girls, yesterday. Foam-O-Graph© - Underachieving Excellence In Entertainment™! |
As it's Record Store Day today [huh? - Ed.], when neckbeards vie for kale-colored 10" vinyl releases of something mediocre they already have and then vaunt their prizes on InstaTube™, we thought we'd join in the fun and offer a LIMITED RELEASE of this COLLECTIBLE BOX SET! Oboy! Imagine the looks on the faces of your pals in the laundry room when you swagger up with this! And there's more!
👙 A life-size silicone* model of MRS. MYRA NUSSBAUM! This hauntingly lifelike, fully articulated model [shewn above - Ed.] is ACCURATE DOWN TO THE LAST LIVER-SPOT! Let Myra be your Special Companion for those lonely motel nights, long car rides up into the woods, and bathroom hygiene sessions! (*actually chopped liver with silicone-like finish)
👙 A MILLION DOLLARS in a cheap fiber suitcase! Used bills, low denomination, untraceable! What every girl wants!
👙 CERTIFICATE OF AUTHENTICITY signed personally by [illegible] down at the print shop!
That's right, subscribers! Remember - only the first four of Th' Four Or Five Guys© who hammer the Stealth Link® in the comments will qualify for this SPECIAL LIMITED COLLECTOR'S EDITION! The fifth will just get crappy mp3 files! Hoo boy! Are we having fun yet?!
I shall attend to the linkage soon as I've rinsed the hens.
ReplyDeleteCoyotes ate all the guinea hens here the other night. The emus give them hell though.
ReplyDeleteEmu - that's that sensitive-type music made by non-binaries with floppy bangs and black mascara, right?
DeleteKeds, tight acid washed jeans and muffin tops. Yeah!
DeleteI would send a dick pic to qualify, but my flip-phone resolution is not so good but you wouldn't know because I'm anon. Girls, go crazy just thinkin' about it!
ReplyDeleteSu-ure they do!
DeleteLack of flip-phone resolution AND a 600+mm telephoto lens.
DeleteLike the way yu're shaping up here, Babs. Like the cut of your jib.
DeleteJust woken up, I guess I've missed out on the turquoise vinyl Captain Beefheart for Girls! limited edition for RSD. Very nice cover art, the vase of flowers on the turntable did it for me.
ReplyDeleteYou noticed that!
DeleteYou haven't missed anything - I'm building up a tsunami of wantingness before I nail the link to the comments.
no Frijid Pink for girls (with balls) ?
ReplyDeleteI wish I had these, along with Rush For Girls and Zappa For Girls, when I was young and single.
ReplyDeleteGee, Nunkie Remus, you mus' be prescience! Zappa is next up in the series some musicologists* are calling "the greatest missed marketing opportunity in the history of recording".
Delete(*Kelli-Cherisse and Chuck Musicologist, Ballsache, WY)
Hmm. Methinks some false advertisement is afoot here...
ReplyDeleteWhen is Pantera for Girls coming? Oh, hey, wait, we could save Slayer from the IoF trash pile...Slayer for Girls! What, no? Hey where y'all going...?
ReplyDeleteOBG, I'm not familiar with Pantera, and don't know much about Slayer, but have attended plenty of 'Metal' gigs, and there are generally quite a lot of women in attendance. However I tend to see bands in smaller venues, so have not seen the Metaliccas of this world.
DeleteHealth Warning for boys AND girls: when going to see 'heavy rock' or 'metal' gigs, do take ear plugs with you, I have permanent tinitus since seeing the wonderful Honky about 6 years ago in a very small venue.
Oh yeah, sure, no doubt. I just tried to carry on/reference some gags here...but there's no doubt you'll have more female fans at metal concerts than at psych bands or whatever the hell Captain Beefheart's stuff is.
DeleteCould I have the Collectable Box Set please, rather than the Collectible one.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Yep, TOP SNARKY!
No.
DeleteOK, that'll learn me. I guess I'll settle for the regular plain vanilla version then. When it comes .....
DeleteLed Zeppelin for girls? Seriously?
ReplyDeleteDid any of the Four Or Five Nebbishes© here actually attend a Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd or Capt. Beefheart show? If so, was there a lack of females there? Am I right? Of course I'm right.
You have a point with King Crimson. At their shows, pocket protectors outnumbered women four to one.
A real challenge would be Zepp, Foyd. Beefheart and Crimson for non-white people.
Couple things, Babs (and welcome back, by the way - is that Shalimar?) this For Girls thing is a stupid, time-wasting bit of fun, and in no wise intended as a polemic. Let me explain the joke - I know I risk draining all the mirth out of it, but you seem to think we're tackling an "issue" here (how like a woman! - did I say that out loud?), or making a point. Nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, we've been to the shows. We just have nothing better to do right now than to be here with this. Anyway - the joke is - and hold on to your sides! - we take an act with macho, gnarly music, cherrypick their gentle songs and pretend to present them as an album marketed to "girls"! See? Haw! *snork*!
DeleteLet me know if you have trouble "getting" jokes elsewhere. Maybe we could work up a FAQ for you?
Somebody's not getting my jokes.
DeleteThat's probably me, then. I'll learn.
DeleteIndigo Girls for boys?
ReplyDeleteLilith Fair?
DeleteCherry Picking Girls for the Bums
ReplyDeleteI've been here all day and night now bashing on the F5 key with one hand and twitching over the trackpad with the other while scanning the page for the link (for you old folks, a "trackpad" is like a "mouse" if you flattened it with an Acme anvil and then caressed it gently with your finger afterwards to automagically move the "pointer" thing around. I don't want to get technical but the loving caresses cause the flattened mouse to move imperceptibly on its little belly causing the LED light to move around beneath it.)
ReplyDeleteKind of reminds of spending 9 hours in the virtual "waiting room" trying to buy Hamilton tickets for my daughter a few years ago. I'm determined to be one of the first four winners -- where is that link?!?!?
I apologise for the delay. As you can imagine, preparing a LIMITED EDITION INDIVIDUALLY NUMBERED download - an internet first - has been a time and labor-consuming business. Thank you for your patience and LOTS OF LUCK!!!!
DeleteHere's a couple for the Bums. https://workupload.com/file/zhDprEK35hW
ReplyDeleteDaveC
Hmm. Not sure if anonymous mystery downloads are something we should encourage, but this looks okay.
DeleteI thought all Pink Floyd was for girls.
ReplyDeleteSure, but from DSOTM on, only depressed ones who don't get invited to parties and pretend like they didn't want to go anyway.
DeleteHey maaaaaaan, things are disappearing around me, maaaaaaan.
ReplyDeleteI didn't blink and I still missed it.....
Here's your INDIVIDUALLY NUMBERED LIMITED EDITION DOWNLOAD! Don't forget - the first four luck customers get the EXTENDED DIRECTOR'S CUT BONUS EDITION detailed above! Oboyoboyoboy! What's YOUR number? Click to find out if you're one of the BIG WINNERS!!!!!
ReplyDelete(Due to the high resale value of this download, a Stealth Link© has been embedded to prevent frivolous exploitation!)
DAMN!!! So Close!! #5! I take a second to relieve myself and this is what I get :/
DeleteA *second* to relieve yourself? I'm guessing that has to be at your desk? You ooze, you lose ...
DeleteThe box set. Hmmmm?
ReplyDeleteWould someone like to help Clar out here? Somebody? Anybody?
DeleteYou put your crappy old MP3s gathered from fishy places like the Isle of Foam, store them on a device of your choosing and put that device in an old cardboard box fished out of the recycling bin, which as a concerned citizen of this world on the edge of doom you possess of course. Eh voila - a box set! It's real simple if you are a little into DIY! Go and try it Clarence and tell us how it went!
Delete