Just past the Mini-Golf of Mindfulness©, hidden behind the Karmic Kar Wash®, lurks Randy Randomguy's secret Lair of Love™! Let Randy tell us about it in his own words!
"Fkuug aslaa lfcy kf oao ri. Jlae xdi -"
Wo-ah there, Randy! Maybe not your own words! Let's try English!
"Ha ha, Farq! Okay! I was saying that I am legendary among the ladies for my love-making prowess. I have elevated the animal act of reproduction beyond the carnal, above even the mystic realm of Tantric sex, to an experience which delivers an orgasmic stream of ecstasy too intense for the frail feminine psyche to survive!"
Wait a minute, there, Randy! Are you telling us that ... what are you telling us?
"My boudoir [above - Ed.] is scientifically designed to overcome woman's natural resistance, and then to amplify her response to my manly urging to unimaginable levels of sexual pleasure, which will totally overwhelm her physical being! She will become a distilled essence of ecstasy, which I will bring to market guided by the wise counsel of famed Madison Ave. ad agency Furshlugginer, Potrzebie & Kvetch."
Ri-ight! So exactly how many women have, uh, you know ...
"Well, Farq, let's just say the Lair Of Love™ is open for business! I'm asking all the eager beavers out there to take a ticket and wait in the yard!"
Okay - so, basically, the seal on that box of Trojans© remains unpopped?
"Early days, Farq! Would you mind moving along, fella? Expecting a carload of cuties any minute now ... don't want to embarrass you! Nothing personal!"
Before I tactfully withdrew, Randy was kind enough to give me a copy of his Soundtrack to Seduction, which you'll find in the comments!
You'll find a Link To Lust soon as I complete my morning shit/shave/shower trifecta!
ReplyDeleteK-TEL released an LP called the Dynamic Sounds Of Naugahyde.
ReplyDeleteIt was really squeaky!
Ah, Naugahyde made from the hydes of wild caught Naugas.
DeleteDoes someone have "Google Search" on ther home computer? I need to hear this album!
DeleteIt was from their brief dabble into The Humidity Series...sold well in Florida. The full fidelity could only be achieved via condensation.
DeleteRoll up the windows.
D'oh! You wus yankin' me chain, compadero! Boy, is I blushin' like a goil or what!
DeleteMood Pillows???
ReplyDeleteWhen did America officially go 'suspenderless'?
Seńor Chang brings koan husks from the foot of Mt. Baldy!
DeleteThere really should be a "Popper" (amyl nitrite) ampule or two on Randy's table, or even better a bottle of its OTC counterpart "RUSH"
DeleteThanks for explaining what poppers are! Randy sez: "I eschew pharmaceutical mood enablers. A slug of Thunderbird in a Flintstones glass is all a woman needs!"
DeleteSuddenly: BACKLASH!!!
ReplyDeleteThere was no inferiority element in the beginning.
Sadly, many testosterone applications would mistakenly equate short-suspender length with long inseam.
No dice!
It's a hard loyalty being served when a guy like 'Randy' finds out that his pants are officially...'Auburn' on the color wheel!!!
Say, isn't that all a pretty close to a Beverley Hillbillies script? Legal dept says some changes may be necessary.
ReplyDeleteIt's actually a straight rip-off of an aborted Waltons script. In the original, the adolescent John-Boy is accidentally dosed with Testosquan©, a veterinary preparation for horses put out to stud. In a fever of satyriasis, he decorates his bedroom much as my picture shows (the ship's wheel and moose head are mentioned in the script), and promises a kind of alchemical transmutation (the dialog above reproduces some of his lines verbatim) to any of the girls on Walton's Mountain. Unfortunately, only his sisters qualify. Luckily, Grandma Walton gives him some of the bromide remedy she's been sneaking into Grandpa's diet for years and John-Boy goes cold turkey in a harrowing scene. It is a rite-of-passage episode for him, and its non-airing led to a puzzling break in series continuity.
DeleteWell it's a shame they didn't film that episode. They could have brought in Barbara Hershey as a mysterious guest star who arouses John-Boy's manly urges and shows him what life is all about.
DeleteBar Hershey! Be still my heart!
DeleteBoxcar Babs!
DeleteImagine the horror of waking up wearing the moose head as a codpiece and thinking that the Wild Kingdom Genital God has answered your prayers. Add one Hershey Bar Seagull and suddenly everybody was Kung Fu fighting!!!
DeleteBoudoir Beats
ReplyDelete🍒👙🍒
thanks
ReplyDeletestuff like that you find also at mrweirdandwacky.blogspot.com
It's a very well-written blog, but the music (file under: alternative/edgy/outsider) is not the kind of thing we kick back to here on th' IoF© - it's pretty mainstream here. Nothing too challenging or outré.
DeletePlus it doesn't have the swank of The Isle O' Foam.
DeleteUpchurch/Tennyson is a classic.
Farq, all pales in the shadow of that fetching dirndl you're wearing today.
DeleteWhy, Clar! That's SO sweet of you! But your snood is SUCH a brave statement! That fur trim - so - original! (*moves away to someone more interesting*)
DeleteMe thinks that Randy may have been arrested for assault with a dead weapon.
ReplyDeleteMusta been the Thunderboid.
The guy(Randy) uses Thunderbird?
DeleteWow! I missed that little token.
It behooves me to mention that clicking the bikini is not ony a small pleasure in itself, but yields unexpected audio bounty every Four Or Five Guy© needs for his boudoir!
ReplyDelete