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That's Elvis Costello's dad leading things off in fine style, followed by the very wonderful Celtic Woman, possibly the most vacuous music act since GWAR. The Chipmunks break the mood nicely and lead us seamlessly into "Dame" Judi Dench's bowel-clenching version of Send In The Clowns. James Last's version of Mack The Knife is saturated with his signature cluelessness, and then there's some gay Scotsmen in skirts for one time only playing something not heard at funerals. Who better than Wayne Newton, barely able to stand, to husk his way through the evergreen My Way? It's the definitive performance. The Templeton Twins' epic Beatles Medley will leave not a dry eye in the house, and the Sons Of The Pioneers warble plaintively over the end credits and the Dolby® logo.
IS JUST IN THIS JUST IN THIS JUST IN THIS JUST IN TH
In her statement to the press, Bernie had this to say:
"Thirty Minutes Of Songs That Nobody Should Have To Listen To Again is testament to the courage and yes, the frailty, of human endeavor. Here is sadness, here is joy, here is the inexpressible yearning of the spirit of humanity given voice. Plus also, it's only like half an hour long, which is a boon for folks such as like I suffering from incurable disease such as like the ebolas I got, and only days left to live. Bless you, Farq, and th' Four Or Five Guys© for making my last days mo- *thud*"
Thank you, Bernie!
This post made possible thru the co-operation of th' Four Or Five Bums©
On account which I ain't curated the content yet, youse bums gots to sit on yer thumbs fer a spell.
ReplyDeleteActually, I pulled up a tomb stone and made myself comfortable. Do you think these headphones make me look more extinguished?
DeleteGee, you're so fisticated!
Delete*knocks mic with knuckle*
ReplyDelete"This thing on? Okay. Firstly, if I may, I'd like to thank th' Four Or Five Guys© for their support and time and incredible energy they brought to this Very Special project! Love you guys! Wanna stand up, take a bow? Yeah ... that's right, that's right, give it up for these ... incredible ... okay ... that's enough applause already ... you can sit down now I SAID SIT THE FUCK DOWN Jesus Fucking Christ let's not forgot the real genius behi- SECURITY? Can we just get that bum outside? Baby spot on the guy still standing ... HEY! Show some respect! That's right. Yeah, you too, fella. And your mother. Bye bye. Okay! Where were we? Now I know that some of you are going to be disappointed that your choice didn't make the cut, that's no reflection on you, we had the thirty minute limit on this, and it's just Volume One of a Very Special new series, yeah, that's right, WOO HOO! We had such a great response to this it's gonna go to a second, uh, volume, maybe in time for Christmas, that Very Special time of year, so ... there's merch in the lobby ... I'll be signing a limited signed edition of this wonderful ... what's that? What's he saying? FUCK YOU! I'll be ri-"
https://workupload.com/file/cVQktgpC9zg
Most excellent! Especially loved the Beatle medley. Kinda reminds me of Saturday morning cartoons of old. Many thanx for your hard work!
DeleteDo you have it in Flac?
ReplyDeleteI'm prepping a thirteen-disc very special archival edition of this seminal album, including outtakes, alternate versions, live recordings, and a sumptuous 4pp book with rare photographs and an essay by Ralph Gleason! No serious collection of historic recordings is complete without this set, brought to you by the good people at Screaming Poodle. Mastered by Kevin Gray and pressed on sustainable, shade-grown vinyl, the freeload will be at Hi-Res 188.2 kHz/124-bit which you can downshift to flac if you're the kind of cloth-eared buffoon that accepts low quality audio.
DeleteOnly thirteen discs?! I'm pretty sure I could put together a thirteen disc version of this stuff using only Elvis Presley soundtrack tunes (and I love Elvis as much as the next four or five guys). Go BIG! Go for 13 GBs!
DeleteWell, I have not decided yet for the download or not, as unbelievably, I have most of this in my collection. But, just to have it all collected in one easy to consume listening experience...How can one in good faith refuse.
ReplyDeleteWhy not download extra copies for those special Loved Ones in your life? Because that would be stupid, that's why.
DeleteBut it could lessen the list of people that will want gifts from me in the holidays in the future.
DeleteI’d never heard of them, but after your description of Celtic Woman I quickly watched a clip of them performing live with orchestra and children’s choir. Aaaaaaah! when the kids started singing I had to stop watching, in order to wipe the projectile vomit from my screen, it was worse than I thought. People pay to see this crap!?
ReplyDeleteI look forward to checking out the full thirty minutes, but will probably need to fast before attempting it.
While you're on YewChewb, watch Elvis Costello's Dad in action:
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzFBn32gbWU
farq, you are an evil man.
DeleteWatching Elvis Costello's Dad was actually rather good fun compared to Celtic Women, which was so bad I couldn't even play the 'which of the Celtic Woman would I like to go out with' game.
DeleteMy wife really got into Celtic Women...I went to the garage & make up projects until the shows ended.
DeleteI'm all for inclusivity and diversity, but I have difficulty imagining men (can I still use that word?) enjoying them - they're the musical equivalent of chick movies ("dude! It's 2024!"). Notthatthere'sanythingwrongwiththat. Taylor Swift for young girls, Celtic Woman for the dames, it's all good.
DeleteYes! Imagine Taylor dancing & playing fiddle...gag me with a spoon!
DeleteNothing like an album of 'Music To Make Your Ears Bleed' in the run up to Halloween. It is truly a horror of gargantuan proportions.
ReplyDeleteIt was only when I was looking through the listing above that I realised there were two standards we overlooked which have versions that would have been perfect for this collection. First up we have Leonard Nimoy (Mr. Spock) with a pretty gruesome version of 'Sunny' (over 400 covers all told). Not to be outdone his onscreen superior and best bud Captain Kirk aka William Shatner responds with one of the worst covers of all time (I kid you not) with 'Lucy In The Sky With DIamonds' (over 200 covers).
So with the chances of future volumes now a distinct possibility may I suggest these as early nominations for the sequel?
Sunny suggested itself during my YewChewb research, as did Seasons In The Sun, but apart from Imagine I don't think we need any more Fabs songs.
DeleteI'm warming to Wayne Newton's My Way - it is absolutely the supperclub nadir and as such beyond criticism. At least it's sincere - too sincere - which makes it somehow honorable.
Wayne Newtons name rang a bell. I’ve just checked in my box of old vinyl ready for the charity shop, and I have an album containing his version of Danny Boy, I’ve just checked it out on YewChewb and it is pure gold, particularly the spoken word bit. Badisthenewgood.
DeletePlease don’t judge me too harshly for having a WN album, it was probably bought in a job lot.
Fair comment on the Moptops but you really need to listen to Captain Kirk. His version alone raises the unlistenable status of "Lucy" to places "where no man has gone before" or indeed since (thankfully) .
DeleteI am of course familiar with the recorded works of twisted genius Captain Kirk, who makes Mister Spock's albums sound like albums.
DeleteRoss MacManus had a big discoteque hit here in Germany: Patsy Girl. When I first heard it, I asked myself who this Apache girl might be. 🤦♂️
ReplyDeleteThe Big In Germany pantheon is truly a constellation of the brightest stars - David Hasselhoff, John Miles ... Ross McManus ...
DeleteRobbie Williams was huge there too AFAIK i.e. even after his star had faded here in Blighty and he was reduced to doing ads for Felix cat-food (!!!!)
DeleteHaving now listened to the whole thirty minutes, what strikes me most is how weird Hello, Dolly! by The Chipmunks is, in an almost Residents way, trippy.
ReplyDeleteYes! Or from a David Lynch soundtrack.
DeleteLooking forward to this. I presume Dame Judi's incredible range from abrasively commanding to entitled irritable bossiness is on display, and whoever was responsible for those clowns can expect a severe dressing down if they aren't sent in. Similarly Patrick McGoohan's version of 'Release Me' (if he ever were to have done one) reminds you of your sympathy with those forced to endure his company in the Village.
ReplyDeleteMood, bruh! Comment is lit! "Dame Judi's incredible range from abrasively commanding to entitled irritable bossiness" should be inscribed on her tombstone. As soon as possible, if not sooner. Nice to get the boot in to the insufferable diva McGoohan, too. They're both attention grabbers rather than actors, whose egos prohibit them from inhabiting a character. Me, me, me (the story of the RSC).
DeleteSchnappie !
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe3FG4EOgyU