Teen Brains Turned Into Phosphorescent Frangipane By "Psychedelic" Music! Dept.

Actual Foam-O-Graph© shews teen brains turning to
phosphorescent frangipane by "psychedelic" music!

The threat is real. In suburban living rooms across this great nation teen brains are being turned into phosphorescent frangipane by "psychedelic" music! And Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public of Normalville U.S.A. remain oblivious! Perhaps Mom heats up meatloaf in the kitchen and Pop polishes his pipe in the den while the children of our brains are being turned into phosphorescent frangipane by psychedelic-type music! 

Those long-playing record albums are sold to our unsuspecting, wholesome teens by dope fiends, child molesters and communists intent on destroying the very fabric of this nation! Records such as Head Shop, and Trip Thru Hell are the heroin of the recorded music industry! The "far out" sounds, coarsely electrified guitars and hypnotic jig-a-boo beats are turning frangibrains into psychoteen phosphopane right here in our living rooms!

"Hello America? Get me the Youth of Today!"
J. Edgar Hoover, yesterday

What can be done to stem the poisonous tide that's turning the teens of our brains into frangidelic psychopane? We axed Top Cop and cross-dressing enthusiast J. "Edgar" Hoover!

"All parents must learn to recognize psychedelic-type music! I urge them to download these two albums so helpfully contributed free of charge by Farquhar Throckmorton III. Listen to them in the privacy of your homes while little Johnny and Judy are at school. It won't be easy, and many parents find holding hands and praying to Our Lord Baby Jesus helps. Then, when you have learned to cope with the strange experience, invite your children to a record party! Turn out the lights and place these albums on the autochange of the family consolette to show them you dig today's new sounds! Perhaps pass a spliff around to aid the mood! I myself like to put kids at ease by squeezing into a filmy negligée and Carole Lombard wig! Then, when they-"

 

[Audio lost at this point due to DNS attack - Ed.]