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| Grand Opening of Tom's Tiki Bar O' Tunes™ captured on Foam-O-Graph© - where AI means Artificial Ignorance! |
You'll know T.V.'s Tom from the long-running IoF© show Am I Going Out Of My Fucking Mind!?!? [answer his question here - Ed.]. Tom's exciting new initiative is Tom's Tiki Bar O'Tunes™! Leave us let the Grand Vizier Operating Thetanführer Level VII give us the skinny!
FT3 Tommyboy! Th' Gunster! How's it hangin'?
TC Wooo-hoooooo!!! I feel so ALIVE!!!!!!
FT3 Ri-ight! So - tell us a little about-
TC Life is just so freakin' WONDERFUL!!! Can't you see that? I'm so full of joy and love and light I could BOUNCE on a COUCH! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
FT3 Happy for ya! So-
TC (suddenly serious) You are clouded by Thetans. I see fifteen thousand eleven hundred and eighty-two Thetans occupying your face muscles alone. (produces contract) Sign here, and you will be Thetan-free for twenty-five billion years. There's a free steak knife set if you sign now!
FT3 (backing slowly away, avoiding eye contact) Rots o' ruck with the Tiki thing! Bye now!
Want to join in the glamor and H'wood razzmatazz of Tom's public opening? Sure you do! Maybe not so much if you're a dame. Tom invites you, the Four Or Five Guys©, to guess what he'll be spinning on th' Tiki Turntable tonite! Take a squint at above Foam-O-Graph© [above - Ed.] - if you think you know artiste/album, leave clew in comment!
This post made plausible thru a bottle of Thailand's LEO Lager - th' beer o' the workin' stiff!
I have a feeling youse bums ain't goin' to get this one. You've been underperforming for a while now, and this ain't exactly obvious. So here's a clew: some members of Little Feat play on it!
ReplyDeleteDon't name artiste/album directly! Leave cunning clew or recondite reference so I'll know you know! The Grand Prize is not only today's Mystery Disc (which is pretty darn swell), but this wonderful set of three (3) almost matching steak knives with genuine rosewood effect handles! Hoo boy!
Not as cunning as you usually are, Holmes.
ReplyDeleteSteve demonstrates perspicacity, shrewdness, and rapier-like wit! THE STEAK KNIVES ARE YOURS!
DeleteTo be fair, that was a very generous clew.
Deletei think he's very energetic. he may be only 22 inches tall in heels but he still has a lot of bounce when someone gives him a boost up onto the couch.
ReplyDeleteTom credits his energy to regular private "readings" with Grand Sea Wizard David Miscarriage, Scientology's answer to a question nobody was asking.
DeletePut on your comfy shoe and listen to what's on the stereo.
ReplyDeletePeanuts, appearing here by permission of his parole officer, displays acumen, astuteness, wins album!
DeleteIf the slipper fits.....
ReplyDeleteHmm. Technically speaking, this would seem to be an infringement of the rules. A decision will be made after reviewing video of the incident.
DeleteIs it Chico Hamilton, looks just like him?
ReplyDeleteAnonimous
Well, as usual, I'm clueless. But whoever it is...he's no Jack Reacher.
ReplyDeleteEthel Merman Sings the Blues?
ReplyDeleteI for one would like to vote Tom off the isle; he's harshin' my vibe
He's here because it's not really him; a simulacrum transmogrified from Madame Blavatsky's Patent Etheric Humours™. Also, I'm sure Babs appreciates a buff torso (I Foam-O-Graphed© Tom's head onto my bod - *simper*).
DeleteI thought the gentlefolk of IoF© would spend today sipping Pimm’s
ReplyDeleteand nurturing a hard-on for Bonnie Prince Charlie.
I had lidrally no idea any of that was happening. I'm so out of the loop.
DeleteI popped into my local pub last night, they had a very drunk trumpet player dressed as a The Yeomen Warder (or Beefeater) who played slightly out of tune versions of the national anthem and I think Sweet Caroline in between pints of lager. Made me almost proud to be English, it was nearly funny. I managed to hide in the pool room. Bet you ex-pats wished you were here?
DeleteStill to cheer me up this morning, the knives are out for our buffoon in chief today.
Yes, I'm crossing my fingers that the bloated bin liner of putrescent pork offal known as Boris Johnson is sliced and diced tonight.
DeleteSteve, bloated bin liner of putrescent pork offal is poetry.
DeletePlease, gentlemen. It is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. Sometimes answers to Bodger.
Deletehttps://workupload.com/file/BCnAnsJB83E
ReplyDelete... and if you have "The Weather Inside", I'd love to hear that again. Muchachas graniolas, compadores!
DeleteSomething about creeping through the corridor with Eleanor?
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite comment.
DeleteA great album, too!
DeleteDuring my *cough* extensive research for this feature, I turned up many interesting ideas and anecdotes (there is no real evidence when it comes to Scientology, the control Miscarriage exercies is complete and brutally effective), and here is the Powerpoint presentation:
ReplyDelete- Tom Cruise can be seen as basically a good guy. There are many anecdotes from "ordinary people" for whom he behaved respectfully and generously. He is also an actor, so acting the part of a good guy when advantageous has become ingrained. He's done shitty stuff, but hey - he's human.
- He is bisexual, and so what. But Scientology digs deep, and the process reveals everything about your interior life, so Miscarriage does have the power to ruin lives and exerts it at every level.
- Cruise is both a victim - in as much as every Scientologist is - yet is willingly part of it and grateful for what it has (supposedly) done for him. He is revered within the organisation, and second only to David Miscarriage in terms of authority and rank. A possible blackmail hold over him is there but it's not what's keeping him from being anti-Scientology. Scientology doesn't need blackmail. Blackmail is not an effective long-term control method - much better if victims are grateful and loyal rather than scared. Mind control - Scientogy's base - can achieve that.
- The new Top Gun movie is getting grudging thumbs up reviews from even critics who hated the first one. It's hard to see the downside of this - unless it's the massive revenue it will funnel through to Scientology.
I'm more of a Chang man, myself!!
ReplyDeleteEwwww!!!! Snob!
DeleteI've had enough work being hetero.
ReplyDeleteIf any youse bums gots The Weather Inside - you'll make an old man very happy. But enough about Clar - I'd like to hear it, too.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough one to track down. I'm on it.
DeleteWell, I've gots The Weather Inside on a CD which my computer flatly refuses to rip. I don't know how to make the machine do my bidding so what I'll do is, I'll listen to it for you and let you know if I think you'll still like it, if that's ok. There's some Little Feat involvement, and plenty more Wix and the late, great George Hawkins, but it largely features Andy Fairweather Lowe - what a talented musician he is.
ReplyDeleteHelen Watson is still active over here - she's just finished a UK tour with a fine bunch of ladies called Daphne's Flight ( https://www.daphnesflight.com/about ) - computer won't rip their 1996 CD either but it's on a well known streaming platform and is well worth a listen - and they've now headed overseas.
Thanks to your post I've just spent a fiver on this - https://www.christinecollister.com/product-page/hell-bent-heaven-bound-money-the-final-frontier
Looks interesting, hope it sounds good once the postie has delivered it.
Cheers, Peanuts Molloy.
It was difficult getting a rip of Blue Slipper - it's hosted on none of the usual sources I graze at - so some kind soul went into soulseek for me, a Forbidden Zone as I can't get the pod bay doors to open.
DeleteYes, Soulseek is where I've tried to get the HW album you're after.
DeleteThere seems to be only one copy there and the "owner" is trades only. Hardly in the spirit of file sharing.
Perhaps another copy will turn up.
Hi Peanuts, I attended a very small back room of a pub gig by Hell Bent & Heaven Bound in 1993. I think the PA broke during the first song and they continued without amplification, I'm a bit vague about the whole thing because I was given the ticket not knowing anything about the band, but also I had a few beers during the evening. I always thought there was a Fairport Convention (Maartin Alcock?) connection, now I know.
Delete