Longtime readers will be familiar with our policy of zero tolerance when it comes to errors of this magnitude. We demand editorial rigor as a given; any lapses from the truth contravene our Terms Of Service and reflect badly on Th' House O' Foam©'s reputation for integrity in blogging. Unfortunately, the staff member responsible has let us all down in this way antecedently, but whereas every charity was then extended to her in the spirit of forgiveness, we feel that this time such largesse is not an option. Cody has let herself down, she has let me down, she has let the august institution of False Memory Foam© down, but more seriously has let you, Mister Valued Customer, down.
I have taken into consideration every aspect of this troubling matter before deciding, not without regret, that she is henceforth dismissed from every position she has held (and that's saying something) at Th' House O Foam©, and ceremoniously stripped of her uniform - the traditional mesh bikini proudly worn by every Foamette© - by TV's Mr. Magic, Doug Henning [to feature in his own piece tomorrow - and hey, good riddance and lots of luck back at the nailtician, Cody! - Ed.].
We salute Mr. Anonymous for his courageous and anonymous exposé of staff inefficiency. Thanks to him and his anonymous comment left anonymously, no more images of Cody will appear on the blog, and she will have to make her way in the world without our patronage.
Thanking you for your understanding in this matter, and assuring you of our best attention in the future -
(signed)
Farquhar Throckmorton III
Oh Farquhar Throckmorton III, please reconsider. Cody gave Foamette© a certain je ne sais quoi not available on other sites as august as yours.
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid my ruling is final and not subject to review. It was capitulation to the whims of the four or five guys that led to this egregious mono/stereo debacle, and I cannot under any terms bring Cody back unless I get at least one more request for mercy.
ReplyDeleteI must agree with Puffinrandy, Cody is a valuable asset (or actually has valuable assets) for this esteemed site. Without her mystical aura (and mesh bikini), FMF would not be the same.
ReplyDeleteI plead with you and your infinite kindness to reverse this horrible miscarriage justice.
Goddammit. Okay already. But this is the very last time. No more Mister Niceguy.
DeleteThank you for your great mercy Mr. Farquhar Throckmorton III, I do believe you are much too hard on Cody. The kerfuffle occurred while you were out of the office, and Cody was left unsupervised. Cody is unique in her own way and requires a great deal of supervision.
ReplyDeleteI must also note that Cody may have been distracted by Mr. Doug Henning (aka Mr. Magic). Please note where his right hand is located in the photo of Cody and Mr. Magic.
ReplyDeleteDames....OttF!
ReplyDeleteYeah. Watcha gonna do? Every langwidge in th' worl', dames is spelt t-r-u-b-b-l-e. And we men is just saps. Dey play us like yo-yos.
DeleteThough my weighing in so belatedly in the Cody controversy might seem moot now, thank God, I wanted to express how happy I am to see you've relented. At least for the moment. Taking on an intern, especially one clad exclusively in an aqua mesh bikini, requires a firm hand and occasional discipline, as you've discovered more than once now.
ReplyDeleteIt's loik woikin' in a chocolate fact'ry. I no longer notices when she wriggles in muh lap, blowin' in muh ear like dat. Dames is wasted on me.
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