Say, fellows! Wanna be a supercool record reviewer, huh, do yuh huh!? Oh boy! Do those guys ever get the dames! Plus also FREE record albums from the latest recording stars! That's right! Major publications pay BIG BUCKS for some pencil-neck jerk's opinion about the new Rolling Stones album! That pencil-neck jerk could be YOU!!
Roll up those sleeves, crack those knucks, and pen a review of this here above record album [above - Ed.]! Just any old shit that comes into your pointy little head! If your review is chosen to be the best submitted, you will WIN WIN WIN this wonderful FREE GRAND PRIZE!!
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This post funded by Otis U. Poodlepecker, Warehouse Operative, Holeville, TX
Well seein’ as I’ve been listenin’ to rekkids since 1973, I’m be mostest qualified to review this here rekkid. I’m guessin’ the review is based on the cover artwork and not the music contained therein? or will you be providing a link for what is surely a beltin’ hoedown elpee of the highest hors d'oeuvres?
ReplyDeleteExpecting no link, I’ll get on with my review after my expenses paid blow and booze lunch with my new assistant.
Kind Regards, Piano Tuner Bobby-Bambi (Dorsetshire, Record Review Department, UK)
ReplyDelete"Takin the Beef Bus to TunaTown" backwards is, "Mister MoJo Risin"
The cousins all play double necked nine stringed banjos, fretted for microtonal noodling, while Mum and Uncle Theodore provide the upright double bass and steel-pan rhythm section. These guys play a fine selection of the best rock anthems known to FM radio. On & On by Angel opens the album, followed by the anthemic The Grand Illusion by Styx. Side one finishes with their take on Freebird, cousin Bessies final banjo solo shows Rickey Medlocke how it should be done.
ReplyDeleteSide two kicks off with a Frank Zappa medley of Jelly Roll Gum Drop, Zoot Allures and Penis Dimension…
…at this point the blow and booze I had for lunch has kicked in, I think the last track on the album was one of Eric Claptons mid 80’s singles but I couldn’t keep the headphones on any longer.
Great singing, fabulous microtonal banjo noodling, I give the album four stars.
I enclose my invoice for the review, I’ll be back in the office next Thursday afternoon.
Bambi, you've gone and ruined it for the rest of us: your review is too perfect to mess with. I'll try to remember the other covers on side two...
DeleteD in California
Yes, Bambi wins! To claim your GRAND PRIZE, simply click the StealthLink©!
ReplyDeleteDang, I just missed an opportunity to gird my loins and crack my nuts...
ReplyDelete~ Jon
Go ahead anyway. Think of it as a participation trophy.
DeleteWell, thankee kindly, I’ll enjoy my prize.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the 4 or 5 guys could think of a name for the combo who created the album Takin’ the Beef Bus to Tuna Town? seeing as I failed to mention it in my prize winning review. Anyway I’m off to fill in an application form at the Rolling Stone online jobs portal.
all congrats to Bambi. well played. i offer my review of this treasure only to release it from captivity and with your indulgence:
ReplyDeletethe debut album from supergroup Takin’ The Beef Bus To Tuna Town cooks like the ghost of Anthony Bourdain on methamphetamine.. Herman Poo and Hagar Dmchowski from 80s hit machine Glib Ransom along with the rhythm section from The Lower Intestines (Fern and Adolf Katz) add new comers Mrs. Aldo Ray and Johnny John Johnston Jr to flay the hide off of gonzo rave yeye city-pop and destroy rock’n’roll history to replace it with an alternate universe that make the Residents world building look like Mantovani. Slurping and grinding new sounds that induce queasiness and yet force the listener to leap and quiver in a manic booty shaking frenzy. Saying “you have to hear it to understand” has never been more pointed. TTBBTTT have erased all that came before and redefine every measure of sound entertainment. Grease your ears and prepare to be forever changed. All thumbs up and every star in the sky. (Pitchfork hated it)
Oh boy, I want to see this band live. Wish they could do a UK tour.
DeleteThey began as Beef Juice, taken from their shared dog's demand "hey ma, more beef juice, ma but were forced contractually to change their name to Beef Tuna, as Chicken of the Sea was taken. Their first single, "Cooking With Beef Tuna," was erroneously credited to Hot Tuna. Jack (and his everpresent sock) was not amused...
ReplyDelete