Bikini Babe Clickbaits One-Off Wonder Dept.

Foam-O-Graph© - Filling A Much-Needed Void!

Oh boy! Does business ever get brisker on th Isle O' Foam© than when a tomato in a two-piece front-loads a think-piece? We think not! Why, there's nothing like a broad in a bikini to whip up interest in another old album what most of youse bums gots awready or don't want anyway!

That's why DuMorgenstern Phloentgen-Basilica [19 my ass - Ed.] was more than keen to pretend to own an extensive collection of vinyl collectibles and an unsurpassed knowledge of the period in rock music history when psychedelia morphed into something harder to define. Plus, she's like, inclusive?

"Why, yes," she breathed yesterday [reading from a card - Ed.], "there are jazz inflections here, but the horn section never takes over, its brief appearances adding - what's this word, Farq?"

"Textural."

"Oh. Adding textural variety."

"What," I axed, "of the keyboard stylings?"

"There will be those who like to parade their scant familiarity with the genre by referencing Brian Auger, because he's the only Hammond player they can think of right now, but stylistically they have little in common, and once again the keyboard charts never dominate the overall sound or sink the album into the ham-fisted cruise ship funk served up by Mr. Auger."

"And the chick vox?"

"It would be absurd to deny the influence of Grace Slick, but here again, it's nothing like the same voice, there's no attempt at imitation."

"So - your overall rating, Ms. DuMorgenstern?"

"This is a very fine album indeed, and it's unfortunate they never cut a second or made it as big as they deserved. Perhaps the cover versions - all well-chosen and imaginatively arranged - served to lessen their impact back then, but they add a unique flavor today. Uh - can I go now? I have a bikini wax symposium to curate in like one minute?"

Today's quiz is a little different, subscribers! Can you make sense of the visual clews embedded in th' above Foam-O-Graph©? [above - Ed.]. If you think you've identified the disc so persuasively vaunted by the delicious DuMorgenstern, leave a cunning indication of yer smartassery in a comment! Don't name act/album title!

Guess The Mystery Celebrity! Dept. With Clarence Pune

Clar and his new best bud! Photo - Weegee

Many, if not all, of th' Four Or Five Guys© brag unpleasantly about their brushes with the rich and famous! Here, Clarence Pune, who is from Canadia, corners us with his tale of a mid-air encounter with one of the great stars of this or any other age! Can you guess who it is, subscribers? Why not hazard a guess in the lively internet forum that is the comments section?

It was [drones Clarence Pune - Ed.] a flight from Vancouver to Los Angeles. Business class because a client was paying for it. I had the window seat. A short guy like me, who looked familiar, got settled into the next seat. Smart casual duds. Tinted glasses. Expensive briefcase. No real conversation until we were up and away. When the flight attendant asked if we wanted drinks, I got a gin and tonic and he said just tonic. He asked me if I was from Vancouver. Said he liked it. His voice confirmed my 99% suspicion of who he was. But being in the creative end of advertising [there's a creative end? - Ed.] I well knew that celebs appreciate a degree of privacy, so I didn't try to confirm my hunch.

I did ask him if he was from L.A. These days, he said, but originally from Iowa. We talked about news and he turned out to be quite an avid Democrat. So, we touched on politics and he veered the conversation back to Vancouver. He'd been there to visit the many art galleries.

Anyway, it's quite a short flight to L.A. Conversation flowed easily and friendly. I didn't tell him I often lusted after his wife. Getting off the plane he said he'd enjoyed talking. I said, "Me too, my redacted friend." He laughed and gave me a little punch that I'd known all along.

Yeah. It was redacted.

Some swell story, huh gang? Maybe you imposed yourself on a showbiz or sports celebrity and want to share the tale with us?

Anyways, the game here is fill in the redacted blanks - both of them, because the first is a clue to the second! Oboy! Some fun huh gang?!

A Little Nostalgia For The Old Folks Dept.

These exclusive The Zappa Movie Official Soundtrack Album! Exclusive Backer Reward Editions were released exclusively for them what backed The Zappa Movie, which I'm guessing ain't you, ya cheap grifter. But now, thanks to th' open-handed largesse and airy disdain for interleckchewal copyright for what th' IoF© has become a household word in cheap motel rooms everywhere, you can make like you did!

Imagine the ugly disbelief on the faces of your seedy pals sharing a bucket of cheese fries at Big Boy when you display the fake CDRs what you had done at Kinko's! "Why yes," you warble, "I was one of the backers of The Zappa Movie, so fuck you!"

The set consists of two luxury compilations exclusive to you, Mr. Big Time Movie Backer: a full length CD, and a twenty minute EP! Go ahead, make like you gots 'em awready. Nobody here's goin' to believe you neither. You got that type face.

This post made possible thru th' ægis of Potrzebie, to whom we extend our heartfelt thanks.

Play Some New! Dept. - The Primal Screams

In response to complaints that we only feature "Boomer Music" [i.e. played loud on large portable cassette players - Ed.], today's post whiplashes us right "up to date" with the "happening now!" sounds of The Primal Screams, the exciting new beat combo from England's trendy Gorbals district!

Headed up by Rab C. Gillespie (the "comedian" of the group!) the "happy-go-lucky" pop foursome are chartbound with their latest long-playing waxing Some Nice Flowers Grow, featuring their hits Mull O' Kintyre and Donald Where's Yer Troosers!

This Special Collectors' Extended Deluxe Fiftieth Anniversary Collectors' Edition features bonus cuts of their early singles and a Peel Session from '85, making it a very special collectable you'll want to add to your collection of collectable collectables! And it comes in a succulent new psychedelicised cover you'll want tattooed on your perineum!

This post made possible thru the patronage of the Sporran N' Caber Mens' Drinking Club, Sauchiehall Street.

Band With Shit Name Makes Swell Record Dept. - Dungen

Hahalol, they didn't know that dung means shit in English! Or that their album means shit to statistically everybody on Planet Earth. Maybe they didn't care - the album sleeve (elderly lesbians at witch school) is certainly of the oh-fuck-it-use-this school of design. Leave us lissen to Sitarswami wax lyrical anent his discovery:

"I pulled this one off the vinyl shelves today for a quick spin and was reminded of what an extraordinary record it is. A mostly instrumental mix of folk, psychedelia and rock with the occasional lyric sung in Swedish which adds to the impression of uncovering a long lost mystical Krautrock-Krautfolk lp. A limited vinyl-only release from 2001 on Subliminal Sounds, it has never been reissued -- unless you count a cd compilation which utilized the same cover art [wise, very wise - Ed.] but took the music and incorporated it into a collage with other material recorded around the same time."

Naturally, my reaction was yeah ri-ight su-ure it is. Pffft. I've been fooled too many times by this kind of bonkers enthusiasm for terminally obscure releases. And Swedish? The land of fjords, duvets, Vikings, igloos, half-assed "open" sandwiches and endless pine forests stuffed with alcoholic suicides sucking Volvo exhaust? And Abba fercrissakes? The worst band in the history of all that is unholy? Haw! Fuck dis shit!

Hat duly eaten, egg smeared on face. It's every bit as good - better, actually - than Mr. Swami avers. This is one of those albums you'll pretend to your friends (like you have any) you bought on release, longtime fan of their work, criminally underappreciated etc.

But wait! There's MORE! Encouraged by my reception, Mr. Swami makes both their later albums available! Mr. Swami again:

"Their 2nd record is also quite spectacular. It has re-recorded versions of the three songs on side A which is not a bad thing. Dungen's second record, Stadsvandringar, is tighter & poppier than their first while still retaining its folkier aspects. It was so successful in Sweden that they were asked to record a song for the Swedish-language release of Disney's Jungle Book 2. Their third record, Ta Det Lugnt, ratchets up the electric guitar and consequently loses a lot of the dynamics found on the first two and the songcraft suffers as well."

Leave us get together in the comments to await the loadups.