"Cancer Is Always Good" - An Interview With Ethan Krönut

Fans of Millennial music will know that Ethan Krönut is the owner of Gap Year Records, Dad's Amex Records, and Side Project Records. He's also their in-house producer, head of A&R, and Art Department. We spoke to Mr Krönut on Skype at Seattle's hipster hangout, Ethical Sprout.

FMF©: Why are we doing this on Skype? We're sitting at the same table.
EK: I do everything online. And this way, I can look at myself instead of you.
FMF©: How did you got into the music business?
EK: Who-ah! We don't use the term music business. Have you tried the artisanal steel-ground kelp porridge? It's shade-grown kelp from sustainable low carbon-footprint sources.
FMF©: Tell us about how you work with - sorry, enable - your musicians.
EK: We offer a complete package of media production and distribution across appropriate platforms, at realistic and ethical rates.
FMF©: Wait - you charge your acts to make recordings?
EK: I'm sorry? How else could I bring value to partnerships?
FMF©: They don't get, like, royalties on sales?
EK: What sales? Our musicians create through love of music, and a respect for the process. One of the qualifications for joining our [finger-waggle] family is bringing funding for your project, as a demonstration of commitment. We don't believe in charity.
FMF©: What advice would you give to new musicians?
EK: The text is the most important aspect of your work. Text is key. Your supporting text will get you coverage at Slate, Pitchfork, and other ethical online marketplaces. The consumer will spend more time reading about your æsthetic and motivation and reference points than listening to your music. Ideally, your work should be inspired by a death of a loved one, or battling a serious illness - cancer is always good - or the breakup of a love affair. Depression is a given requirement. The longer you've spent in rural isolation coming to terms with your demons, the better. It helps if you are breaking a hiatus of several years to make your new recordings - the longer the better. Maybe you've been traveling the breadth of this great land gathering tunes from endangered indigenous communities - you can do this on-line.
FMF©: And you offer - er -  optics consultancy?
EK: The right look is key. Anything Amish is good. The more you look like American Gothic, the better. Most of our musicians already own vintage Martins, which photograph well. We offer a portfolio of optics for your album cover. Bare trees and wooden shacks. Waist deep in water. Woodcuts of owls. Face covered by hair. Bleak motel interiors at an angle with cables and sockets. We offer the optics that are most appropriate to your stance. Above all, we don't let your project be tainted by professionalism at any level.

Hi! Im gIRLwITHbEARD!

FMF©: Any new act you're particularly excited about?
EK: Act? Excited? Oh. Well, we're pretty proud of the new album by hdhnn#±pnp.
FMF©:  hdhnn#±pnp?
EK: It's a side project by gIRLwITHbEARD. A psychedelic mix of Inuit and Mennonite musics which - shit - connection lost - the wifi here is ... ooofff.
FMF©: We could, you know - just talk to each other?
EK: [blank look]