"I Always Hated The Blues" The Eric Clapton Interview

It's not widely known that Eric Clapton is one of the world's foremost Hummel© Figurine collectors. For the uninitiated, Hummel© Figurines are small porcelain models of children engaged in happy pursuits, often folklorique [French: folkloric - Ed.] in nature. I first discovered the connection whilst leafing through an old copy of Porcelain Miniatures Magazine in the dentist's waiting room, where I lighted upon an article featuring the collection of none other than Old Slowhand himself. Posing as a Hummel© enthusiast, I approached Mr Clapton for an interview, which I am pleased to publish here as a FalseMemoryFoam© exclusive. The interview took place in Mr Clapton's lovely Tudorbethan mobile home at Britain's swank Winnersh Triangle estate, in the lee of the Lidl warehouse.

FMF: That's a lovely collection!
EC: Yeah. I've been collecting for, you know, a long time. Yonks.
FMF: When did you acquire your first figurine, and which one was it?
EC: Actually Ron Wood [guitarist with the Rolling Stones beat combo - Ed.] turned me on to Hummel©. He inherited his Gran's collection and used to carry one of the little fellers in his pocket as a good luck charm. Can't remember my first though. Maybe the little girl with the basket of apples? That's a good 'un!
FMF: John Mayall was a porn addict, wasn't he?
EC: Eh?
FMF: What drew you to playing the blues?
EC: Er ... the money? Look at this little guy! [holds up figurine]
FMF: Wow! He's got a button on his lederhosen missing!
EC: I know! The detail! They was originally painted by nuns. Blind nuns.
FMF: Apparently Layla was going to be a single album.
EC [carefully replacing figurine in display case]: Yeah. I wanted to do an album of my own songs. Rock songs.
FMF: That first solo album was disappointing, wasn't it?
EC: I did a first album?
FMF: Patti Boyd was going to be on the cover of Layla, wasn't she?

Hi! I'm a Hummel©!

EC: Oh God. Patti. [covers face with hands, sobs uncontrollably for several minutes] Yes, that was one of the reasons it never came out. You couldn't see her face or nothing, but she didn't want the world to know she was the inspiration for Layla. Beautiful cover, too. Beautiful girl!
FMF: What other reasons were there?
EC: Tom [Dowd, record producer - Ed.] wanted it more bluesy. Pissed me off. "Play the fucking blues, Eric!" I'd cut this fantastic album, and he was like, play the blues? So I says, okay, Tom, I'll play the fucking blues if you make it a double album, and I don't have my name on it. I had him over a barrel, really.
FMF: Where did you get the cover?
EC: Junk shop. Two quid with frame. Hideous piece of old rubbish. I did everything possible to scupper that album. Derek and the Dominos? Seriously? It was a fucking joke!
FMF: Is that the rare black-face Little Drummer Boy there?
EC: I always hated the blues. Depressing. Who wants to listen to depressing music?

(At this point, Mr Clapton's nurse arrived for his wipe-down, so I made an excuse and left. The original single-album Layla will be viewable in the comments after I give Cody her monthly review. )