Elderly Lesbians Choose Their Album O' Th' Year! Dept.

Gertrude [left - Ed.] and Irma [take a wild guess - Ed.] take a break from pegging each other. Foam-O-Graph© from the personal collection of Mr. Grimsdale

Older readers will nurture in their hollow, mottled bosoms a peculiar fondness for Gertrude and Irma, our Elderly Lesbians, whose annual choice of Album O' Th' Year is eagerly anticipated both within the Music Business and throughout the entire World! It's no exaggeration to say there is no award - for anything - more highly coveted than this. So it was with a palpable sense of excitement that I visited them in the th' IoF© Care Facility Basement!

FT3 Girls! Looking good!

Irma  Fuck you, asshole.

Gertrude With this tank of Nitrous Oxide. 

FT3 (coughing) Can we open a window?

Irma  Which their ain't one. Like you don't know.

FT3 (uneasy laugh) So! Which album gets awarded your Album O' Th' Year award?

Gertrude I fancied that Lana Del Rey.

FT3 She had an album this year?

Irma  Who cares? Paddle that girl's ass 'til it glows in the dark.

Gertrude Up to the elbow in that bitch.

FT3 What do you think of Foreign Tongues?

Irma  I'll take what I can get. Hi hi hi hi!

Gertrude Hi hi hi hi ... whoops.

[tape runs out]

So! There we have it! Liverpool's newest beat combo The Rolling Stones are the worthy winners of this prestigious award! Well done, lads! I'm sure we'll be hearing a lot more from this exciting group!

This post financed in part by Simon Cowell, who asks to remain anonymous.