 |
| Mrs Nussbaum invites you into her lovely home, yesterday! Note tasteful Siegheil & Roy memorial statue, youthful ward Clynt readying for bikini wax session! |
Editorial note: previously, Mrs Nussbaum has made award-winningly persuasive cases for Why Classical Music Is Shit, and Why Jazz Music Is Shit. Such is her unquestioned authority, a tearful Zubin Mehta of The Los Angeles Philharmonics snapped his baton in half after her takedown, sobbing "I can never wave this stupid stick at a bunch of fiddle-scraping penguins again." After exhaustive research and consultation with the finest musicologists, Mrs Nussbaum now presents her devastating critique of yet another sacrosanct musical genre, The Blues Music.
(Although we are honored by her patronage, Mrs Nussbaum's opinions are her own and do not necessarily represent Fabulous False Memory Foam Island©, its subsidiary companies, shareholders, or creditors. Take it away, Mrs Myra!)
"Thank you, my esteemed friend Farquhar Throckmorton III! Yes, the Blues Music is shit, and I'm here to tell you why! It's just a bunch of old bums complaining and whining, and I had enough of that with my late husband Melvin may he rot in hell bless his soul. My fuggin' bursitis, these fuggin' accountants, those New York fuggin' Mets, your fuggin' charge account, yadda-yadda ... with the kvetching, enough already! So the last thing I want to hear while Clynt attends to a woman's intimate needs is my baby done left me, lawdy I'm broke and drunk, got no shoes grunted over an out-of-tune guitar! Who wants to listen to some self-pitying toothless bum groaning on about how he can't get it up no more?!? Oh, excuse me, boo-fuggin'-hoo! Do you hear me complaining about my life? My message to you? Cheer up or shut up!
And that just about wraps it up! Any questions? You, at the back, sir?"
This post crowd-funded by Millennial Snowflakes For More Kittens.org
Your biggest regret purchase? Me: my second wife.
ReplyDeleteYou purchased your second wife? I purchased my third wife (after disposing of the first two) only to find that every time I got within 3 metres of her she festered up and had to have medical treatment. It never occurred to me that was why she was so cheap. Next time I'll go for a bogoff so if one is hors de combat I won't be stranded.
DeleteMfM: if you lie down with Hors de Combat, don't be surprised if you get fleas.
DeleteD in California
Next week I'm taking my wife, grandson, two children, and ex-wife to see Los Lobos. We do take separate cars but that's just because six people don't fit in two seats. My pal Gary says, "Your divorce isn't like other people's divorces."
DeleteThere was a compilation from Fat Possum some years ago called "Not the Same Old Blues Crap". No, it didn't have any Eric Clapped-Out, or Paul Rodgers trying to sound sincere. The late-60s blues orthodoxy (which happened to make a lot of money out of poor black men with bad contracts) has a lot to answer for. What the posho City boys and Wall Street types who say "they love the blues" need is a bit more trouser-bursting R.L. Burnside: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xBHo6LbyL4
ReplyDeleteA Jaguar XJ40 bought new in 1986. Crap electrical system, crap transmission. The glove compartment would open by itself for no apparent reason, along with a never-ending nightmare of little things going wrong. It got so bad, and Jaguar was so unhelpful, we brought the lawyers in. Jaguar replaced it, the replacement was marginally better. We got rid of it in 1988.
ReplyDeleteI had a good friend I worked with who had a 1986 Jaguar XJ40. The Jaguar dealership was 3 blocks from where I lived - so every time she had to take it in for service - I picked her up and we went to the office. Then I would either drop her off at the dealership or take her home (if it wasn't fixed). If I had a dollar for every time I did that, I would have Bezos $. Her Jag had the exact same problems yours did Babs. It was pretty - but otherwise a piece of crap.
DeleteThe engineers at Jaguar (NB not JAG-WAR) resented having to compromise the cars to conform to US regs and made sure it was the end-of-week models - when the guys on the track rushed their work to get home - that got shipped to the US and A. Jaguars (NB not JAG-WARS) generally were no less reliable or well-built than any other brand. It took the Japanese to make everyone up their game. Except the French, who continued to make fall-apart cars in the grand tradition.
DeleteI've owned eleven Jaguars (1994 - 2002 XK8/XKR/XJ6/XJ8 models) and only three of them have been total nightmares...otherwise I consider myself lucky and they are a joy to drive!
Delete~Jon in Cali
I envy you those - I've never had even one, although when my Dad worked at Jaguar (not JAG-WAR) he once got a pre-launch XJS to test for a week, no badges, everyone staring at it, wondering what the hell it was. I drove that. A stunning car, a real Grand Tourer, and designed by some bloke in the factory who hadn't come up through design studios at all.
DeletePontiac Bonneville circa 1996. Had a Toyota Camry that was relatively new, and worked fine, but at that time, there was a ton of political pressure in La to not buy Japanese cars since Japan would not buy rice from La (rice is a huge agricultural product in La but the type La grows is not what the Japanese market eats). So, I caved and traded in a good Japanese car for a new Pontiac. In less than 2 months, the Pontiac had some type of electrical issue, which made the car virtually impossible to stop and turn off, and also would have it accelerate out of control. It was in the shop for over 3 mos (I was given a loaner) and reps from Detroit even came to help trouble shoot it. They finally said to come get it, that it was "fixed." I asked what was causing the issue. The guy just started reading off everything they replaced. Asked the question again, and he started reading the same list. So, I asked if they ever figured out what was the problem - he said no. I stated then how could you know it was fixed if you had no idea what to fix - no response. Gave them 48 hours to cancel the sale, with a full refund of my purchase price, or a lawsuit would be filed. He laughed and said you couldn't find a lawyer that quick. Handed him by Bar Assoc card. Yeah - I got a fucking refund and never owned another American made car.
ReplyDeleteYears ago I bought a plant for my garden, it was a good plant, but, there was also a tiny ground covering plant over the soil in the container called ‘Mind-your-own-business - MYOB’- ( Soleirolia soleirolii; ), I didn’t know but MYOB will grow and spread in most conditions, and it ‘escaped’ from the container into my small back garden, it is difficult to completely remove, and I have been battling it ever since.
ReplyDeleteIf left on damaged paving it seems to eat concrete, it’s a right bastard.
It's the organic equivalent of the internet!
DeleteYep, and being reluctant to use weed killer on it every few months, I try to get rid of as much as possible by hand, more fool me.
DeleteWindows 11.
ReplyDeleteAlthough actually I didn't purchase it, as such.
I think this kind of transaction only increases the resentment - "those bastards! I might have paid for this crap!"
DeleteCars, amirite. Once went into a nice guitar store in Boulder, Colorado where we were spending the summer as I was in residence at CU. Fell in love with a sweet little mahogany Martin 015 which for some reason they only wanted 500USD for...made no sense. I had some extra cash since we were living for free and CU was paying me for reasons that eluded me then and now. Y'all, that sweet looking thing could not hold a tune for more than the length of a song...I kept taking it back and they kept saying it would get better. After a month I gave up--turned out I was like the 5th or 6th person. They offered me my money back or a very nice Martin D2R with the classic Martin sound & a nearly microscopic chip in its top worth about 2-3 times as much.
ReplyDeleteGuitars, amirite. Early seventies, I bought a Hayman 3030 when The Worst Band In All The World formed, because it was cheaper than a real guitar and looked cool. Haw! Wotta sap I was! Not only was it noticeably weak-sounding at any volume, it weighed as much as a small family car. What a revoltin' development.
DeleteThey looked quite cool (tho I'm still a sucker for a Thinline Tele--I've got a 1972--or Coronado) and seems like weren't around long; never played one (that I remember...)
DeleteSo, cars: my first was a '52 Studebaker 1/2 ton truck that had been left parked in a field since 1962. It was only $75, so what could go wrong? Pulled the engine and rebuilt it, fired it up, discovered I should have primed the oil pump differently than I did and rebuilt it a second time, got it running, then had to rebuild the transmission, discovered along the way that the twenty-two year old cloth covered wiring had grown brittle and crumbled if you bent it, leaving exposed wiring to short out, rebuilt 6 volt generator, rebuilt starter motor....see where this is going? Got it running eventually but the 6 volt system made starting problematic; you'd have to push it now and then and pop the clutch. That's fine if you're pushing a VW bug but this thing was like pushing a tank.
ReplyDelete