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| Global spunk-bucket takes selfie at flagship facility, Almas Perdidas, Mexico |
You'll know art-jazzer John Zorn [below - Ed.] for releasing more recordings than the rest of the music industry put together. "I try to issue a new CD every ten minutes or so," says Zorn from his basement duplex in leafy Hackensack, "but occasionally they can take up to a couple of hours to write and perform."
But what you won't know is that his prodigious output has now filled the purpose-built Amazon warehouse at Almas Perdidas, Mexico. Zorn again: "Jeff is, like, a huge fan of my work, so I was flattered when he literally razed like an entire town to store and distribute my music, but apparently it's at capacity already! You can't even slide in a single disc without its jewel case."
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| John Zorn, yesterday |
Zorn [left - Ed.] blames the economy for the stockpile of billions of unsold recordings. "Jeff tells me sales of his signature anal beads and weighted cat blankets, once the mainstay of the business, are at an all-time low. When people can't afford the essentials, luxuries like food and healthcare take a hammering."
The
solution? Online crapfest cockroach Jeff Bezos now pays his workers in John Zorn
CDs! "It's a win-win situation," smiles Bezos at the olympic-grade ski run on
his diamond-studded mile-long ocean liner. "Everyone benefits, from me down to
the shareholders!"
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| Intergalactic dump-humper on motivational tour of workers' lodgings, Almas Perdidas |
Jesus Iglesias, Executive Logistics Officer at Almas Perdidas [left- Ed.], concurs. "Mister Bezos, he is the great man! I build the new home for my family with the John Zorn box sets! And my wife Conchita, she make the tortillas from the inserts and from the booklets! We are so happy! Please, Mister Zorn, make many new wonderful CDs! Five stars!"
This is the second of our Pulitzer Prize-nom investigative journalism op-eds covering Modern Life. Read the first here.
They're pretty good for taking down pigeons too and far better than buckshot. There's nothing worse for a pigeon pie than the taste of lead. Yeah one flick of the wrist and you can decapitate the verminous birds in one without disturbing the neighbours. Job done. Confused the hell out of the dog though. He didn't know whether he was supposed to be collecting the fallen birds or playing frisbee!
ReplyDeleteZorn's output followed closely by that grizzled veteran of the blues scene. Authentic by his blinding white skin, daily consumption of wonder bread and margerine. The un human, the (de) myth and the legend in his own mind, Joe Bonamassa. Because the world needs another shitty human being who is really not that great of a guitarist, to keep Eric Clapton company.
ReplyDelete*clutches pearls*
Deletewhen pmac is on, nothing better. Pearl clutching optional.
Deletey'mean the guy whose own website proclaims him . . . wait for it . . . "Blues Titan"? that guy? ease up on the poor guy . . . --Muzak McMusics
DeleteAn interesting read:
ReplyDeleteJohn Zorn and the Postmodern Condition
https://workupload.com/file/PyXQL6xTEbu
Another interesting read:
DeleteThe Everything War: Amazon’s Ruthless Quest to Own the World and Remake Corporate Power
https://workupload.com/file/nG8pLsuQszM
maybe too much of a mildly interesting thing. good for proving you are hep.
ReplyDeleteThen that's good enough for me. More mild interest here:
Deletehttps://www.kpbs.org/news/border-immigration/2024/11/07/amazon-arrived-tijuana-neighborhood-remains-citys-poorest
I have given up trying to persuade people not to use Amazon, they exist to make maximum profit for the owners, whilst killing competition. My friends say “but they are cheaper, and it’s delivered next day”…blah, blah… etc, etc. (sound of my head banging against plywood desk).
DeleteIf writing about music is like dancing about architecture, what's playing music about music like?
ReplyDeleteThat's the po-mo "æsthetic" right there. And I say the hell with it.
Deletenot a Zorn fan, eh?
ReplyDeleteLike the rolling stones and the grateful dead, john zorn produced way too much music. and like so many artists with enormous output, one must not forget they made classics. in john zorn's case Archery, Locus Solus, Naked City and Painkiller are amongst the treasures for me in his catalogue.
ReplyDeleteIt's his never-ending stream of studio albums I can't take in. The Dead (and, to a much lesser extent, the Stones - Springsteen has more form) have archival live programs you either subscribe to or not. I don't have the time (who does?) or inclination.
Deletehttps://falsememoryfoam.blogspot.com/2021/05/with-albums-enough-already-john-zorn.html
ReplyDeleteAll these years on, and I've still only scratched the surface of his OCD prolificity. I like both 'Pool' (one of his ensemble "game-rules" works rec 1980) and The Guide To Strategy Vol 1 & 2 (an excellent audio cartoon performed on alto sax and game calls concerning a mute fourth-wall-breaking oaf's thwarted attempts at duck-hunting).
ReplyDelete