Modern Life Dept. - Amazon Warehouse Workers "Paid In John Zorn CDs"

Global spunk-bucket takes selfie at flagship facility, Almas Perdidas, Mexico

 

You'll know art-jazzer John Zorn [below - Ed.] for releasing more recordings than the rest of the music industry put together. "I try to issue a new CD every ten minutes or so," says Zorn from his basement duplex in leafy Hackensack, "but occasionally they can take up to a couple of hours to write and perform."

But what you won't know is that his prodigious output has now filled the purpose-built Amazon warehouse at Almas Perdidas, Mexico. Zorn again: "Jeff is, like, a huge fan of my work, so I was flattered when he literally razed like an entire town to store and distribute my music, but apparently it's at capacity already! You can't even slide in a single disc without its jewel case." 

John Zorn, yesterday

 

Zorn [left - Ed.] blames the economy for the stockpile of billions of unsold recordings. "Jeff tells me sales of his signature anal beads and weighted cat blankets, once the mainstay of the business, are at an all-time low. When people can't afford the essentials, luxuries like food and healthcare take a hammering."

The solution? Online crapfest cockroach Jeff Bezos now pays his workers in John Zorn CDs! "It's a win-win situation," smiles Bezos at the olympic-grade ski run on his diamond-studded mile-long ocean liner. "Everyone benefits, from me down to the shareholders!"

Intergalactic dump-humper on motivational tour of workers' lodgings, Almas Perdidas

 

Jesus Iglesias, Executive Logistics Officer at Almas Perdidas [left- Ed.], concurs. "Mister Bezos, he is the great man! I build the new home for my family with the John Zorn box sets! And my wife Conchita, she make the tortillas from the inserts and from the booklets! We are so happy! Please, Mister Zorn, make many new wonderful CDs! Five stars!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the second of our Pulitzer Prize-nom investigative journalism op-eds covering Modern Life. Read the first here.