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| Note balanced composition. Note harmonious color palette. Note integration of text. |
The first volume of this timely and provocative curatorial initiative drew a response only slightly less fervent than for any post with a pitcher of Susanna Hoffs, such was its impactfulness!
Like before, it's you, the ordinary Four Or Five Guy© out there, perhaps slouching at a Home Computer in yer underwear, or sneaking a look at your phone during a high-powered executive board meeting, what will determine the content of this bold new curatorial initiative!
Last time around, it was Classic Standards what got fed into the wood chipper! This time, it's the worst, cringiest, most unlistenably wretched dreck from Big Name Acts!
I'll repeat this requirement in the comments, because not that many of you have the attention span to read the "OP" as the youngsters are calling it.
THIS JUST IN!
"This is shooting straight to Uranus, Farq!"
Link in th' comments, people!
Choose a couple or three fucking horrible songs by well-known artistes! No obscure outsider shit! Songs that make you want to turn off the radio or run screaming into a live volcano!
ReplyDeleteI'll get this dung beetle ball o' crap rolling with the first song! Which it's Ob La Di, Ob La Da, written by that genius of contemporary music Paul McCartney, and featured on possibly the worst album ever released by a major pop ensemble!
Over to you!
Lots of times at the grocery store they pipe in remakes of popular songs from the past. Fortunately I can block them out and don't know who the current artist is.
ReplyDeletesteVe
Seasons In The Sun - Terry Jacks, Crocodile Rock - Elton John, Cover Of The Rolling Stone - Dr. Hook
ReplyDeleteSeasons In The Sun is a contender. Yeeuch.
Delete"Winchester Cathedral"- The New Vaudeville Band. I couldn't believe this song stole the Grammy from "Good Vibrations" in 1967. I don't care about Grammy since then.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes I hate "Ob La..." and "Crocodile Rock". Those are the top three of mine.
I'm having a think on this one, though I know for certain any version of "MacArthur Park." Whatever this one winds up consisting of, one listen and I know I'm going to need more mental floss . In the meanwhile, I passed it along to my daughter and asked her what the opposite of earworm might be. Her response, mrowrae . . . --Muzak McM.
ReplyDeleteMrowrae is the reverse of earworm, not its opposite.
DeleteLEAVE MACARTHUR PARK ALOOOONE!!!! LEAVE IT ALLLLOOOONNNNE!!! *mascara runs*
She has much to learn, it's clear. --Muzak McM.
DeleteMacArthur Park - Richard Harris
ReplyDeleteOld Rivers - Walter Brennan
Wand'ring Star - Lee Marvin & The Yale Glee Club
MacArthur Park?!? You brute! You cold, unfeeling brute!
DeletePink Floyd get a couple with Seamus & Several species of small furry animals gathered in a cave and grooving with a pict (whew I'm out of breath) However the most technicolour yawn inducing song is Your having my baby by Paul Anka.
ReplyDeleteYour Floyd choices are disqualified because they're not even songs, got next to no radio plays, and they're just not in the same league as Ob La Di and Seasons In The Sun. You're Having My Baby is under consideration.
DeleteFair enough - so I'll nominate Cheap Tricks "The Flame" and Hearts "All I want to do is make to you".
DeleteMaybe the Brits are just better at awful. This is canonical AOR.
DeleteUptown Girl, Piano Man, Something with Fire, Billy Joel.
ReplyDeleteShe's Always A Woman To Me (is that the title?) - a well put-together portrait of an insufferable slappable person being praised like she's indispensable to the world.
DeleteSorry, forgot my name, in the Billy Joel comment. Uptown Girl is as pathetic as any Eric Clapton song. Millionaires brawling blues in their Armani suits. Or in Joel's case being that Uptown Boy singing about how low he is. Elvis had the guts to tell occasionally he could not identify with a lot of his works after 1966. But Elvis remained one of us, a payed slave, albeit a gold and diamond payed slave.
ReplyDeleteRod Stewart : Sailing, Da Ya Think I'm Sexy, Hot legs and there's probably more...
ReplyDeleteElton John : Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting.
Lindisfarne and Gazza : Fog On The Tyne.
Could anyone sit through Sailing? Your other Rod choices are worthy, but not quite as wince-inducing. We're looking for songs that make you wince, grind your teeth. So This Is Christmas, f'rissampul.
DeleteWe built this city / Starship. Just typing it leaves a sour taste in the mouth....
ReplyDeleteNothing's gonna stop that taste going even more sour now
DeleteDon't stop believin, Journey. Whenever it comes up on the radio, I flip in my player, your previous setlist, and enjoy Oh When The Saints
ReplyDeleteI don't think this is anything more or less than generic AOR. There are hundreds of songs as undistinguished and cheesy as this. We can do better, I think. And by better, I mean worse. Much worse.
DeleteOK, what about Endless Love - Katie Price & Peter Andre
DeleteI'll give it a listen when my meds kick in.
DeleteLet this inspire you:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDVURW1xDJw
My immediate thought was Stevie Wonder / I Just Called to Say I Love You.
ReplyDelete& Chris de Burgh - Lady In Red - was this only a hit in the UK?
Also Phil Collins / You Can’t Hurry Love - this is more of a why did he do it song.
Can you tell I’m not a sentimental romantic?
Stevie Wonder is a definite contender (although what about Ebony and Ivory?), and Lady In Red is a certainty. The Phil Collins? Nah. It's basically a great song.
DeleteThe US really has to up (down?) its game. I can think of a few, but it'd be better if I don't clog up the comments with my own suggestions.
My Ding-a-ling. I don't need to tell you by whom; out of respect to his greatness I'll avoid associating it with that monstrous "song."
ReplyDeleteOoh yes. Good call.
DeleteForgotten it. On the spot. - Muzak McM.
DeleteNah, none of those thus far posited. I consider anything by Florence Foster Jenkins to be excruciating - mind you those with van Gogh’s ear for music may disagree, particularly anyone unable to tell the difference between a crochet and a hatchet or are unable to differentiate between their brass and their oboe. Seriously though, what about Sinatra’s “There’s A Flaw In My Flue”?
ReplyDeleteWe're seeking something altogether more terrible than merely off-key. Any song can be rendered unlistenable if sung badly enough. The songs we (don't) want aren't performance dependent; there's something insidiously and inherently evil about them.
DeleteAh cruds Farq, me 83 year old brain lapsed from the usual abnormal state for a tad and I totally misunderstood requirements. Grovelling apologies, I must do better in the little time I have left. It’s not all bleak as apoplexy infects me each time my ears are assailed by the dreaded Abba. Right, gotta go rock on before oblivion closes in.
DeleteEighty-three! Hang on in there, Mr. Old Timer!
DeleteDoes "God Bless The U.S.A." count?
ReplyDeleteYes! I always thought it was a perfect example of trying to write an anthem, but failing to achieve it's goal (to put it mildly).
DeleteAin't heered it! Will audition as soon as I feel strong enough.
DeleteYou must stand and wear a very long, red necktie while listening!
DeleteThe (dreaded) Star Spangled Banner, with extra demerits for gratuitous vocal flourishes
ReplyDeleteGod Save The Queen/King is quite as dreadful. But I think we're getting too far from our chosen field of Western Pop music.
Delete"You Light Up My Life" by a female singer I cannot remember. I only wish I could not remember the song!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteIt was by Debby Boone---Pat's daughter, of course. I should have known!
DeleteElvis Presley - Wooden Heart
ReplyDeleteThis is an informed and nuanced choice for an Elvis song. He should be in there somewhere.
Delete"Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro.
ReplyDeleteI think this gets the nod from the committee.
DeleteSeasons in the sun is just an emasculated version of Jacques Brel's song le Moribond. That's if you 4 or 5 guys understand French.
ReplyDeleteJ from Europe.
Was it not Descartes who said, vas te faire enculer, connard, je te casse la putain gueule?
DeleteJe te casse ta putain de gueule if you please.
DeleteThe "te" and "ta"? That's not street slob French.
DeleteJim Croce - Bad Bad Leroy Brown: oof
ReplyDeletePaul McCartney - Wonderful Christmastime: Unless you have a separate category for Christmas music, this is the Twee King at his twee-est
Rolling Stones - Angie: The song that killed the Rolling Stones in my household
Macca's Yuletide monstrosity is something HP Lovecraft would have balked at describing. I'm thinking maybe we might keep his (and Lennon's So This Is Christmas for a very special Beatles' Thirty Minutes. Maxwell's Silver Hammer ... Mister Moonlight ...).
DeleteRuby, Don't Take Your Love To Town.
ReplyDeleteViet vet returns crippled and impotent, implores wife not to prostitute herself. What's not to like?
I've made an executive decision to curate a Beatles-centric Thirty Minutes as a very special Yuletide Gift to th' Four Or Five Guys©! This will not require any effort from youse bums except a download click. But it does mean that the Beatles songs suggested above are no longer eligible here, so unless you want me to do your work for you, keep suggesting suitably egregious suggestions! I don't want to hear any "I bin disenfranchised!" whining because you couldn't get off your thumbs long enough to vote!
ReplyDeleteLittle Jimmy Osmond - Long Haired Lover From Liverpool
ReplyDeleteAbba - Waterloo
The Knack - Hey Sharona
That is of course 'My Sharona' not 'Hey Sharona'
DeleteLittle Jimmy is an inspired suggestion. As much as I think Abba are flatpack pop, devoid of anything approaching humanity and soul (and good taste), they're not a good fit here. The Knack are fab. Bite me.
Deletehttps://falsememoryfoam.blogspot.com/2024/08/bands-you-cant-even-stand-to-look-at.html
I see a lot of 50s 60s and 70s creeping up.
ReplyDeleteTeddy Bear by Red Sovine (the dutch version by Gerard de Vries is even worse) Sister Mary by Joe Dolan, Rocky by Austin Roberts, Tammy by Debbie Reynolds or Ebony Eyes by The Everly Brothers. Daddy's Home by Cliff Richard. And whenever I hear "Hello darkness my ..." I won't let the finnish the sentence and turn it of to enjoy the Real Sound of Silence.
Abba had much worse songs (I have a dream) for one.
And if you have the nerve to pick on Elvis, Wooden heart is childish. Do you know Softly, As I Leave You this version with Mansplaining https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seum30jWKDY
Forgot to name me, again. Damned defaults.
DeleteLet's add Kwek Kwek by Ronald and Donald. Agadoo by Black Slate, Hello by Lionel Richie.
I always wondered about Old Shep. The dog gets old, happens. He picks up his gun, and he just can't shoot. What happens next? Did he leave the dog to die? For how long? Was it in agony? Much pain and distress? Is he ashamed to tell he did shoot?
That Elvis version is da shitz! And to think, the lyric was written by a man on the point of death! It's - incredible!
DeleteFrom the comments: "OH WOW!!! I am crying like a Niagra Falls [sic - Ed.] ... I never heard this from Elvis before!!! I never knew about the song's background. WOW!!! And what a precious gift of selfless LOVE the man had for and gave to his wife. Elvis did a wonderful portrayal of it." Blow it out yer ass, sweetpants.
DeleteIf you want a fresh rip, from nice vinyl. I have just ripped it for your pleasure. It is in your mailbox now
DeleteThanks. I hate it.
DeleteCan I throw "There Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haa" by Napoleon XIV into the arena.
ReplyDeleteGo ahead!
DeleteAlways preferred the flip side. Same track, but played backwards.
DeleteThe overblown cod theatrics of Ike & Tina's version of Proud Mary.
ReplyDeleteIt's basically a shit version of a great song, which we're not really looking for. But thanks.
DeleteWe Are The World?
ReplyDeleteA shoo-in. I was hoping some fish head incinerator owner would chime in with this. Well, this or that one about the poor little primitives not even knowing it's Christmas. There's nothing more heartwarming than a bunch of headphone-wearing millionaire cocaine enthusiasts solving the world's biggest problems.
DeleteI bet somebody's dealer made enough to retire that night!
DeleteNOT THAT COVER! I mean, the 'clownart'..no no no!
ReplyDeleteI agree. The finished curatorial initiative will get a new cover, because if there's a face nobody should have to look at again, it's this.
Delete99.5% of Oasis's entire catalogue, George Ezra, Ed Sheeran. Basically everything from1995 onwards.
ReplyDeleteQueen 'I'm Going Slightly Mad'
Keane 'Everybody's Changing' - i liked a lot of their stuff but not that one at all.
DeleteI'd like to see Queen honored with an inclusion - how about Fat Bottomed Girls?
DeleteMost popular music we would all agree is shite so there's never been a shortage of music on the radio that makes me want run screaming into a live volcano (Lionel Ritchie, Michael Jackson, REO Speedwagon, Hall & Oates, etc, etc). We could list hundreds of horrible top 40 music.
ReplyDeleteBut "good" musicians who have put out shite hits is what we seem to be after. A few come to mind:
Steve Miller: Abrafuckingcadabra, I want to reach out and grab you ... and then throw your pathetic ass across the goddamn room!
Led Zeppelin: All of my Love (I hope I don't hear anyone defending this drivel)
David Bowie: "Let's (NOT) Dance" and "China Girl" -- not even Stevie Ray can save these from the horrible 80s production values
Speaking of the 80s, pretty much everything on the radio falls into this category:
Yes: Owner of a Lonely Heart
Elton John: I'm Still Standing
The Clash: Rock the Casbah
Queen: Another One Bites the Dust
Billy Squier: Stroke (me) [not sure he qualifies but good god]
I also second Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" and Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" (and "Piano Man")
Sailing bests (worsts) Do Ya Think I'm Sexy, you ax me. And another vote for Queen, but I'm betting on it being Fat Bottomed Girls, a nadir of nadir.
DeleteMr Dave, you are so right about Abrafuckingcadabra, All of my Love, & Let's Dance.
DeleteBut leave Queen alone you rotters - unless we consider Radio Gaga?.
My late submission, Whitesnake, Slide It In
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQaKqs0gNZw
Elvis Presley's "In the Ghetto": I was embarrassed by that one, and I've never even been an Elvis fan. Charlene's "I've Never Been to Me" about the joys of never going anywhere or doing anything exciting. Tom Jones' "Delilah." I would have mentioned "Seasons in the Sun," "Honey," and "My Sharona," but I see I've been anticipated.
ReplyDeleteHow's this looking?
ReplyDeleteHoney
Seasons In The Sun
Crocodile Rock
Uptown Girl
Sailing
Lady In Red
My Ding-A-Ling
We Are The World/Do They Know It's Christmas? (medley!)
Fat Bottomed Girls
Softly, As I Leave You
That's probably close to thirty minutes of unlistenable garbage. Comments?
Non to Crocodile Rock, I've got a soft spot for it, my vote is still for Saturday Night's Alright for fighting which is just dreadful.
DeleteAlso Gazza needs to be punished for writing off the career of the fine songwriter Alan Hull. What were they thinking of .
https://youtu.be/5r1cJOTyZsE?feature=shared
The choices of Queen, Elton, Rod and Billy Joel are seriously questionable, you cloth-eared snob.
DeleteThis is so far worse than I imagined. Even if I like one (queen) track
ReplyDeleteThese "Worst" of the best is great. Let me give you something worse. Not the worst of the curious, novelty, childish, parody etc. No The Worst Of The Mediocre. I will be back!
DeleteWhat about this one? https://youtu.be/wCQfkEkePx8
ReplyDeleteI don't want this to be just a playlist - you could do that yerselfs - so I'm sprinkling some fairy dust on the bastard.
ReplyDeleteI had written my list, when it hit me. I am slow on the uptake sometimes. I will not give three selections that could be included on this disc. I cannot stand in judgement at some point and be able to justify the infliction of that pain on unsuspecting ears.
ReplyDeleteThis damn thing took me all day. But I think you'll agree it was worth the effort. An Heirloom Collection that no serious collection of cheap humor is complete without! You'll hear old favorites and timeless classics artfully homologated into a pleasant listening experience for both ears! And don't forget! Holders of an Iof© Trading Card™ can download as many times as they want! Get extra copies for friends, family, and business associates! YOuse bums what gots no card only get to click the download link once, ya saps!
ReplyDeleteWithout further delay, here's the link:
(Wupes - I forgot the link. Be right back.)
This is the link, the link is this here link which is here:
ReplyDeletehttps://workupload.com/file/ut9ZcM3XeUA
Be careful to lissen attentively ALL THE WAY THROUGH. There will be questions later.
Thanks for this truly awful collection!
ReplyDeleteSo good I'm playing it again immediately. The Sir Rodders remix is wonderful, thanks FT3.
Delete