Thirty Minutes Dept.- "We're All Mad Here"

Note for our American friends - that's TV's Jeremy Clarkson in hat!

Th' IoF© postbag has been bulging with requests [you lying sumbitch - Ed.] to walk you, th' Four or Five Guy©, through the process of creating our famed Thirty Minutes audio initiatives! So let's start at the beginning, like those immediately post-titles Netflix movie flashbacks we're supposed to find fascinating. TWO MONTHS EARLIER. Oh, fuck right off. Anyway, once I have the title and the concept for a project (a Mystic Revelation that must perforce remain shrouded by the Curtain of Mystery) I reach out to my Focus Group O'Diversity® for their really interesting reactions! Here's an exclusive behind-the-scenes peek at the process!

1 Brainstorming The Concept

Note weird beardy guru type at right!

After they make their Reaction Reel presentation, I thank them for their valuable input and press a glowing red button on my desk that opens the floor under their feet and they all fall screaming into a writhing pit of venomous vipers. Then it's on to the Artwork phase! More about that tomorrow!

2 Creating The Artwork

It can now be revealed that every IoF© Art Department O' Art™ Dept. project, be it Foam-O-Graph©, award-winning album sleeve or provocative editorial content, begins life as an actual OIL PAINTING, painted in real time by myself using Secret Pigments! Here's me, in my studio, in the process of creating this very image of me in the studio creating this very image of me in the studio!

Note iconic Artist's Model and Artistic Muse Babs at right!

Tomorrow we'll see how these original Fine Art Oil Paint Masterpieces get delivered to th' IoF© as modern computer-style images! Oboy! Don't forget to check back often!

3 Digitalisation Process

Merry orphans, yestiddy

Here [above - Ed.] we see motivated IoF© interns at th' Pixelator®, turning the raw data from the original oil painting into glowing, gem-like pixels! Note pixel collection baskets.

Pixels are combined into digital image using ultra-modern computerised machinery! "Which it's a demanding yet satisfying job," sez Veldene Szymczyk [left - Ed.]. "I gots to, like, press this button on this doohickey? Why, Mr Throckmorton is the bestest boss what a girl like I could have! Plus, he's hung like a ham!"

4 Locating Source Material

Diversity, Body Positivism, and a Master's Degree in Marine Biology

Working from my extensive "shopping list" of musical songs which embody the chosen theme, each of which may be used in part or whole, my team of highly qualified, merit-hired researchers [above - Ed.] ventures into the vast IoF© Warehouse O' Tunes™ [below - Ed.] to locate the source material which constitutes the source material.

Tomorrow we'll delve into how the actual Audio Initiative - that's the "sounds" that get into your "ears" - is curated! See you then!