For Girls! Dept. - Thirty Minutes Of Soft Machine For Girls! Now With Upgraded Artwork!

Inclusivity is a long and revered tradition here at th' IoF©! Our trail-blazing recognition of basic human rights for Bikini Testers has garnered plaudits worldwide, and our award-winning For Girls! series has adapted the most off-puttingly "difficult" bands to the blander tastes of the "weaker sex" (bless 'em!). Think of the series as the musical equivalent of Classics Illustrated comics [below left - Ed.] ! Those popular abridgements of otherwise unreadable literary masterpieces such as Moby Quixote and Don Dick instilled a love of Fine Literature in a whole generation!

Yes, we like to think that the For Girls! series is of equal importance! No longer shall the "little lasses" feel excluded from the fun of listening to "boys only" bands such as The Captain Beefheart, The Velvet Undergrounds, the Lead Zeppelins, Pink And The Floyds, The King Crimsons, and now, The Soft Machines!

We've smoothed out those irksome jazz-rock "rough edges", concentrating on the more hummable qualities of this oft-challenging combo! And although the purist may carp that some of the selections - blended seamlessly into a Thirty-Minute Medley O' Melody™ - are solo performances, no "dolly-bird" is going to bother her pretty little head about that!

So, if you know any chicks [you're kidding, right? - Ed.], or maybe someone you know claims to, why not give them a copy of this swell long-playing album LP record? Its feminine allure is heightened by the oh-so-sensitive cover design,  making it a swell companion for her Dory Previn albums!

TAB HUNTER SEZ!

"Say, fellers! This sure is one neat recording! Using the latest hi-fi equipment, Farq has created a disc which is sure to hit that coveted Number One spot nationwide! And let's get one thing straight - this isn't just for the gals! Why, there's plenty for us guys to dig, too! I like to play it while I relax poolside with such husky H'wood hunks as Rock Hudson, Monty Clift, Cissy Romero, Cary Grant, Morrie Gosfield, Spence Tracy, Ty Power, Mary Brando, Vince Price, Ray Burr, Randy Scott, Sal Mineo, Tony Perkins, Jimmy Dean, and Tom Cruise! They all agree this is Manly Music for the guy of today, and you will too!

Your Pal, Tab!"

 

 

 

This piece created in a fit of cabin fever during the rainy season. Please address all complaints to Babs.

Re-Up Re-Kwest Dept. - Michael Chapman

 

Porch Whittling Dept. - Tab Hunter

 

As we test our patience and good will to the limit waiting for Soft Machine ... For Girls! to appear, here's somethin' to tap yer callused feets to as you set on th' porch whittlin'! Yeppers, it's H'wood dreamboat Tab Hunter's country-style waxing from 1962, RFD!

What does RFD mean? What does "Tab" mean? What does "mean" mean" Why is I axin' meself dese dumb qweshuns?

Secret Origins Dept. - The Beatles

 

Softs, Separately Dept.

IoF©, yestiddy - rock n' sex god Hugh Hopper awarded prestigious Best Avant-Garde Record By An Ex-Soft Machine Bass Player Award from Bikini Testers Union Local 101!

 

Hugh Hopper's 1984 [1973, left - Ed.] oughta bin called 2001, because it was at least as far ahead of its time as that. That doesn't mean you'll want to listen to it, though, but its minimal, glitchy, scratchy, ruminative, and occasionally terrifying tone will at odd times be just the ticket, by George! Heavy Friends sittin' in on the dada-esque swing sessions include John Marshall (later sacked from the Soft Machine by Mike Ratledge), useless nuisance Lol Coxhill [lol - Ed.], Pye Hastings, Gary Windo, Malcolm Griffiths, and Nick Evans.

The deliverable is the hen's teeth Japanese edition, with slewage of xtry trx. Huzzay!

 

Robert Wyatt's first solo album [1970, left - Ed.] remains as challengingly daft as when a handful of Softs fans bought it just before it disappeared entirely. It plows much the same gritty, avant-gardey furrow as 1984, but with the frosting of occasional vocal whimsy. You have to admit his strenous efforts to avoid anything approaching a tune were remarkably successful.

A bonus is the inclusion of no extra tracks. Look, I like it, okay? Sometimes.

Kevin Ayers' first solo album [1969, right, no, just me having a little fun, left - Ed.] has tunes, charm, restrained whimsy, and never takes itself seriously. It's lovely album, and laid the foundation for the second most successful solo career of any member of Soft Machine! Which is setting the bar a bit low, but anyway. David Bedford knits sumptuous orchestral upholstery, and Mike Ratledge (possibly my Second Favorite Keyboard Player Of All Time) contributes anteater nose-blowing.

If Hopper's solo was ahead of its time, then Ayers was behind them. By 1969 the sixties were yesterday's mashed potatoes, and Joy Of A Toy sounded, and looked, like a relic from a past age. Five swingin' bonus tracks! It's like the seventies never happened.

As an inadequate thank you to all youse freeloadin' bums what has stuck wit' th' IoF© thru th' years (over 30,000 page views since the last post, by George!), these three warmed-over biscuits are added to the deliverables AT NO EXTRA COST to you. Mr. and Mrs. Music Consumer!

 

Yes, these three long-playing LP album records will be included in your sumptuous Softie package whether you want them or not! Play them in the Camry as you deliver the kids back to their mom! Oboy! Some swell fun right there!

Here's Mr. Ratledge, practicing his fingering at Saint Trop, summer of '67:

 

Ratledge kind of wandered away from the music business after leaving the Softs, the last original member to bail. I think he made a soundtrack to a TV documentary about moustaches, and various other bits and pieces, sacrificing his unique carpet-gargling tone for the anonimity of the synthesizer, but that's about it for the solo career. Good for him, I say. Other Fun Facts: he garnered a Philostophy Prize at Oxford (which is like Nerd Academy), married Marsha Hunt [phwoar - Ed.] and died this year, age 82, "after a short illness", the last of the original line-up to leave the planet. Good for him. A life lived.

 

This post funded in part by Adult Chew Toys™, Buttmonkey, NV.