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| Russell Brand, yesterday |
Zappa's leftovers are tastier morsels than most artists' main meals. Way back in 2004, grizzled, near-blind Zappa archivist Joe Travers was cruelly whipped by the elderly Gail Zappa [below - Ed.], furious she wasn't seeing any new Zappa albums at her local Target.
Still bleeding from the sting of her lash, Joe hastily cobbled together three barrel-scraping exercises, Joe's Domage, Joe's Corsage, and Joe's Xmasage, had some sleeves run out by Dave at Kinkos, and stuffed them into the racks himself. Result: job kept, Gail escorted from Target screeching "My husband, bitches! Eat my fucking panty-hose!"
THIS JUST IN!!!!
Joe's Menage and Joe's Camouflage added in separate link!!! YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS!
Note: The "garbage" in the title to this piece is pronounced gar-baahj for conceptual continuity. Thank you for your attention in this matter.
This post co-funded by Widows Of Famous Rock Stars™. See them at this year's CPAC!
Enter the narrative by telling us about one (1) ordinary object that gives you modest but palpable satisfaction every time you use or contemplate it. The rules are simple:
ReplyDelete1 Nothing costly or showy
2 No body parts or other organic material
Nothing costly or showy — that leaves out audio gear and Range Rover.
ReplyDeleteNo body parts or other organic material — that leaves out toys that buzz, and weed.
Being a vegetarian I eat lots of vegetable stir-fries. So I'm going with my carbon steel wok. I bought over 20 years ago over in Chinatown, and it's seasoned to perfection, which makes it more nonstick that so called "nonstick" pans. Truly a pleasure to use.
Being a vegetarian I eat lots of vegetable stir-fries.
I bought over 20 years ago over in Chinatown. over 20 Being a vegetarian I eat lots of vegetable stir-fries.
Sorry about the extra text, it's late, and I'm tired. Bedtime.
DeleteThis is exactly the kind of content that drives the narrative, going forward.
DeleteI have a small penknife I bought in the South of Fraaaahnce decades ago, a Laguiole Le Fidele, with a single blade and brass fittings to a bone handle, and it's a delight to contemplate and use.
A film camera with film in it...endless possibilities!
ReplyDeleteJust participated in Worldwide Pinhole Day on the 26th!
Check it out:
http://pinholeday.org/gallery/2026/?id=246
A pinhole lens on a Canon body?! Luxury! When I were a lad, it were a tin can wit' a bit a photographic paper like curled inside. 'Appy days snappin' Maisie Thigglethwaite's bloomers hangin' on't line!
DeleteMy old Pede wallhanging coffegrinder. so many people with fancy expensive equipment, and I enjoy a nice cup of coffee. The world might be changing into a church of trump with the gospel of a.i. but some things hardly change, a good coffee in the morning and a good loo to go to
ReplyDeleteThe one needs the other ...
DeleteI'll go in the same vein as Richard, but its my french press. Made of metal with insulated walls so that it keeps the coffee hot, and cost me all of 18e. We had power issues at our first apartment in Seville which made an electric coffee maker an iffy proposition and actually fried one of them. I'm an addict for a strong cup first thing in the morning. Black without any milk or sugar.
ReplyDeleteI have one of those, exactly the same, double-walled stainless steel construction, bulletproof, the best coffeemaker I have. Only mine's a cafetière and cost 149 baht.
DeleteNot a French press, but I love my Bialetti Moka Express.
Deletemy buddy mister coffee has never let me down
ReplyDeletemy flip flops which i rarely go out without i even shovel snow with them on
woody
You rock the Thai National Shoe! When it gets cold, team with a pair of cartoon socks!
DeleteA Bic lighter. It can start BBQs, illuminate the darkness, light candles & joints, scare away bears...(ok, never really tried that application)
ReplyDeleteMy B-Twin folding bike, starting the day with a ride through the Nonthaburi countryside is really nice. Except for the occasional rabid street dog encounters who seem keen to rip me apart...
ReplyDeleteCan openers. We take them for granted, then go ballistic when they snap after decades of faithful service. The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our hardware but in ourselves.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of Gail...When the Zappa site started, they listed email links to Joe, Gail & the kids. I emailed Joe to congratulate him on the "new" releases & offered to be his assistant (so I could check out the vault). He replied very nicely, saying thanx, but no thanx.
ReplyDeleteA few days later, I got a message from Gail(!) saying (paraphrased): How dare you think you know anything about Frank!
She obviously spied on all messages, so I avoided further contact, eventhough I was an original member of the United Mutations fan club. I'd always heard don't fuck with Gail. I wasn't trying to, but got on her bad side, none the less.
Even Frank himself, didn't fuck with Gail.
DeleteIf you haven't read Moon's book (or Frank's brother Bobby's), I highly recommend them. Sad, funny but true. Just like real life...
Deletespendier than they oughta be, but Blackwing 602 pencils are pretty sweet. There are also some surprisingly good el cheapo fountain pens out there theses days...
ReplyDeleteHowdy partner,
ReplyDeleteThe object in question for me would be a glass ashtray from Nathan's Hot Dogs with both a Coney Island and Long Island phone number on it. The thing is so old no doubt that the decal on the underside is one of those plastics with lead in it. This was from my grandma's house (Granny Gates). Now, the funny thing is - she was not one for traveling, hot dogs, or smoking, so what in all get out was she doing with the thing? Grand pappy Gates was just the same. It now sits proudly on the mantle with a few guitar pics, and when company comes by, the Miss's keeps an eye on it and directs any visitors to use their beer cans if they have to flick any ashes.
As ever,
Billy Gates of the Doubble X ranch.
It has no practical use for me, but I kept my grandparents old pipe rack depicting three grotesque hooded monk heads. I’m not sure how old it is (at least 60 years) but was always just the three monks, having found this image, it seems originally there were seven monks, the four on the right in this picture (below) had been removed before I was born.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.easyliveauction.com/catalogue/lot/79ce37015a58631e2243c760d1a64c5e/0af8d24542e81eb9357e7ef448a6646f/medussa-architectural-and-antique-sale-offsite-auction-lot-8/
I assume the link is cunningly hidden in the pic? I feel like some skinnerian experiment. Gee, i'll be reinforced when i find that gosh darn link.
ReplyDeleteWhen you find it, I'll give you a chocolate bar!
Delete"Properly used, positive reinforcement is extremely powerful." - Good ol' Burrhus
I'm in for a choco bar...recently read about Comparte's dark chocolate cherry...mmmm
DeleteThere's a substack for people lured by a Babs "chocolate bar".
DeleteI’m no longer on Substack, as continuous chocolate bar rewards led to "reward dependency" with subscribers performing tasks solely for the incentive. This caused diminished intrinsic motivation and caused the subscriber's behavior to wane once the chocolate bars were removed. Pretty much what I expected…
Deletesmdh
DeleteI have a flashlight, on my keychain. It is about 2 inches long, slightly wider than a cigarette, but this thing can put out a BRILLIANT beam of light, illuminating something a block away!
ReplyDeleteThis is the snorkiest thing I'm likely to read today. The world is a brighter place thanks to your keyring flashlight!
DeleteThis is the link, right here, right now!
ReplyDeleteIncluded at NO EXTRA COST TO YOU, Mr and Mrs Music Enthusiast, is a wonderful SURPRISE FREE GIFT, not available in stores! Y'see, ensuring excellence in deliverables is at the top of our Keep Four or Five Guys© Happy philosophy! Be sure to ask for IoF© by name - ©maofyromemeslaF is Serutan backwards! Look for the box with the box back!
https://workupload.com/file/wN4Dac8D2Tr
Oboy! Some fun, huh, gang!?
Who can't love an ode to a foxhole??
ReplyDeleteExtra Garbage (Menage, Camouflage) here: https://workupload.com/file/G52hdYLuu9u
ReplyDeleteIn this season, my most satisfying tool is a Cub Cadet walk-behind weed whacker whose twin twirling strings keep our meadow shorn as fire season approaches here in southwest Oregon. It's also useful in getting my heart started.
ReplyDeleteI have a National Emergency Alarm Repeater (NEAR) which was designed to provide near instantaneous warning of nuclear attack to members of the public who were indoors at the time the warning was issued. The system, when activated, transmitted a signal over electric utility lines to receivers plugged into standard 120 volt receptacles. The receiver, an approximately 3.5 inch square box, emitted what was described as a "loud, annoying buzzing sound" that could be easily heard over normal indoor noise levels. The nationwide rollout never happened and the stockpiled receivers sat unused in warehouses until their eventual destruction.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend who worked as a technician in the electrical engineering dept. of a large midwestern university. One day while snooping into locked storerooms he uncovered a large quantity of NEAR receivers, one of which ended up in my possession. Being a curious person, my pal managed to set off a receiver and it did indeed make a LOUD annoying buzzing/clacking sound.
After years of ownership I finally dared to plug in my NEAR and was greeted by the warm yellow-orange glow of the triangular light in the upper right corner. I kept it on a shelf plugged in with an extension cord. After years of security one day I came home to a burnt electrical smell and found the NEAR laying face-down, wisps of smoke seeping out. I've no idea what set it off.
There were three different designs in the storeroom my friend raided, but the one pictured in the Wiki article (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Emergency_Alarm_Repeater) is the same as mine -- which still sits high, but unplugged, on a bookshelf.
Fascinating story. I do worry about trying to silence the irritating buzzing while the flesh is being torn from your bones in the white heat of an atomic blast, though.
DeleteI do really like my rechargeable flashlights (one more for dog walks, one more for bike handlebars, but they both get used for either on occasion). I just got new pedals for my bike, after eighteen years, and to not have those squeaks and wobbles that I was so used to has been a complete pleasure. Running silent...
ReplyDeleteD in California