"They Wash Their Hair Every Night!" Dept. - The Pretty Things

Pretty Things, yesterday. Phil May, front n' center

What is the length of shrift given to the Pretty Things [not above - Ed.]? Generally shorter than Phil May's hair back in '63. They are a Top Tier U.K. band; innovative, wild, talented, with a charismatic front man and a berserker drummer. All they lacked was a knack for writing a string of hit singles, which put them behind their contemporaries the Stones, the Who, the *sigh* Beatles, and the Kinks. There are a few greatest hits collections out there, but you'll have a tough time whistling any one of them. Don't tell that to Mike Stax - he not only named his swell magazine after the band [Ugly Things - Ed.] but also stole the name of their bass player [not "Mike", the other one - Ed.].

I can live without the early raw R&B, while noting that it is R&B, and the transitional Get The Picture (Mike's favorite album of all time, bless), but S.F. Sorrow and Parachute have always been on my consolette autochange.

S.F. Sorrow, from '68, is a concept album - meaning, there's a story that nobody understands or cares about, much like Opera, or a Netflix series. But musically it hangs together nicely. It's very, very '68. And that's a good thing. A little heavier than '67, not as heavy as '69, the Goldilocks year for rock music. This version has slewage of extra tracks, and they're terrific, expanding the original album nicely.

Parachute was never Rolling Stone Magazine's Album Of The Year [1970 - Ed.], in spite of the rock myth to the contrary. But it should have been. After a startling, discordant opening, the album works through some of their most memorable songs, with inventive arrangements and beautiful harmonies - they never got the credit for their stacked vocals. Their best album, as good as rock music gets. That cover, though ... ooff ...

 

 

 

 

Bonus album #1: Swingin' London! 

Bonus album #2: "Best album ever made!" M. Stax

Bonus album #3: All the hits you can't remember!

 

 

This post funded in part by The Sitarswami Vinyl Upholstery Repair And Chakra Refurbishment Garage, Koreatown, L.A.

 

Teen Brains Turned Into Phosphorescent Frangipane By "Psychedelic" Music! Dept.

Actual Foam-O-Graph© shews teen brains turning to
phosphorescent frangipane by "psychedelic" music!

The threat is real. In suburban living rooms across this great nation teen brains are being turned into phosphorescent frangipane by "psychedelic" music! And Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public of Normalville U.S.A. remain oblivious! Perhaps Mom heats up meatloaf in the kitchen and Pop polishes his pipe in the den while the children of our brains are being turned into phosphorescent frangipane by psychedelic-type music! 

Those long-playing record albums are sold to our unsuspecting, wholesome teens by dope fiends, child molesters and communists intent on destroying the very fabric of this nation! Records such as Head Shop, and Trip Thru Hell are the heroin of the recorded music industry! The "far out" sounds, coarsely electrified guitars and hypnotic jig-a-boo beats are turning frangibrains into psychoteen phosphopane right here in our living rooms!

"Hello America? Get me the Youth of Today!"
J. Edgar Hoover, yesterday

What can be done to stem the poisonous tide that's turning the teens of our brains into frangidelic psychopane? We axed Top Cop and cross-dressing enthusiast J. "Edgar" Hoover!

"All parents must learn to recognize psychedelic-type music! I urge them to download these two albums so helpfully contributed free of charge by Farquhar Throckmorton III. Listen to them in the privacy of your homes while little Johnny and Judy are at school. It won't be easy, and many parents find holding hands and praying to Our Lord Baby Jesus helps. Then, when you have learned to cope with the strange experience, invite your children to a record party! Turn out the lights and place these albums on the autochange of the family consolette to show them you dig today's new sounds! Perhaps pass a spliff around to aid the mood! I myself like to put kids at ease by squeezing into a filmy negligée and Carole Lombard wig! Then, when they-"

 

[Audio lost at this point due to DNS attack - Ed.]

Brian Blessed's Manly Shenanigans Dept.

Old School Foam-O-Graph© - can you tell it from real AI?

You'll know TV's Brian Blessed from his manly shenanigans, such as freediving the Mariana Trench on one lungful of air, and eating the entire Auk population of Fernando Po for breakfast! But did you know he's also an enthusiastic collector of collectors' sixties-type psychedelia?

We chatted poolside whilst [grammar - Ed.] Kreemé served her signature Mexican tap water and gas station boner pill smoothies.

FT3 Good to have you here, Sir Blessed!

BB WOOOAAAARRRGGGH I FLOSS WITH BARBED WIRE!

FT3 That's swell, Bri! You brung an album wit' yez?

BB GGGGGRRRRRRRRROWF!

FT3 Is it the Autosalvage album?

BB ARRRROOOOGAH!!! BRROWFFF!

[Audio ends at this point - Ed.] 

Sir Blessed's choice of album is both informed and timely. Autosalvage was recorded 1968 in New York, as was the recently FoamFeatured™ Chrysalis, another self-titled debut that would be the band's only release. And there's a shared Zappa connection - Zappa was a fan, and named the band. Both albums occupy a kind of literate/art/semi-prog rock zone, and if you dig one you'll dig the other.

This post sponsored by Rusty's Barbed Wire Dental Floss©, Montana.

 

Under The Radar Dept. - Blondie Chaplin

 

Recentish photo for unrecent album, because it's great.

Leave us face it, Blondie Chaplin's weather-beaten pan ain't the type to make a dame swoon. Flinch, maybe. But inside that much-traveled luggage beats the heart of a gentleman musician. He's the type guy what gets along with everybody, and is possessed of [grammar - Ed.] a voice that fit right in with the Beach Boys. Which is worth thinking about - that's some set of pipes. After the Beach Boys gig ended - because reasons - he paid his bar tab by sitting in with anybody who'd have him. Obscure local combos like, uh, The Band. And The Rolling Stones. Fifteen years with the Stones. I mean gee whiz.

He also found time to cut some swell solo albums. The self-titled debut [left- Ed.] from 1977 is straight ahead rock n' roll (as the cover subtly hints) with all the stellar support Asylum could bus into the studio.

The Fragile Thread [above- Ed.] is a stone (SWIDT) delight, with Ronnie Wood, Keith Richards and Chuck Leavell providing the backing. Recorded in 2001, it was shelved for "business reasons" that obviously upset the poor guy, because he avoids the subject. You'd be upset too, if you'd poured your soul into your music and the legal department couldn't get its shit together. Here it is anyway.

 

Between Us, from 2006,  has a leaner, airier sound. That's enough music criticism. He writes, he sings, he plays some dexterous gee-tar. You should be so blessed.

Thirty Minutes Dept. - Songs That Nobody Should Have To Listen To Again - Important Update!!

Nuanced, elegant design courtesy FMF™ Art Department Of Art Dept. - Mister Businessman! Ask to see our portfolio!

That's Elvis Costello's dad leading things off in fine style, followed by the very wonderful Celtic Woman, possibly the most vacuous music act since GWAR. The Chipmunks break the mood nicely and lead us seamlessly into "Dame" Judi Dench's bowel-clenching version of Send In The Clowns. James Last's version of Mack The Knife is saturated with his signature cluelessness, and then there's some gay Scotsmen in skirts for one time only playing something not heard at funerals. Who better than Wayne Newton, barely able to stand, to husk his way through the evergreen My Way? It's the definitive performance. The Templeton Twins' epic Beatles Medley will leave not a dry eye in the house, and the Sons Of The Pioneers warble plaintively over the end credits and the Dolby® logo.

IS JUST IN THIS JUST IN THIS JUST IN THIS JUST IN TH

Berendina "Bernie" Hoefizger [left - Ed.], Curator of 20C Contemporary Music at swanky Smithsonian Museum (Wash, DC) has accepted Thirty Minutes Of Songs That Nobody Should Have To Listen To Again into the permanent collection! This is an honor that does credit not only to the lively online community here at th' IoF©, but also to other stuff I can't think of right now.

In her statement to the press, Bernie had this to say:

"Thirty Minutes Of Songs That Nobody Should Have To Listen To Again is testament to the courage and yes, the frailty, of human endeavor. Here is sadness, here is joy, here is the inexpressible yearning of the spirit of humanity given voice. Plus also, it's only like half an hour long, which is a boon for folks such as like I suffering from incurable disease such as like the ebolas I got, and only days left to live. Bless you, Farq, and th' Four Or Five Guys© for making my last days mo- *thud*"

Thank you, Bernie!

 

This post made possible thru the co-operation of th' Four Or Five Bums©