Sunday, August 4, 2019

"Lonely Guys In Great Suits"

In his teens our virile Vice Prexy worked part-time as fluffer for gay porn movies ("only fifty bucks a day, but it was all I could afford!" he quips). Later, he tried his hand - I think that's the right phrase -  at Executive Apartment Massage and Underwear Modeling ("Scants A Speciality!"), but really hit pay dirt  - I think that's the right phrase - with his breakthrough twelve-incher - I think that's the right phrase - I'm A Man, recorded in '77 during Peak Disco. Of all the Trump Administration recordings, this is by far the easiest to find, and I've resisted posting it until now because of its familiarity. But Pence called the FMF© office to complain about "being left out", so in exchange for this exclusive interview, I'm adding it to the roster!

FMF©: So tell us how you got the name Meat Rack?
MP: I was working at the club of the same name, in New York. Boy - I was buff back then! I also worked The Toilet, but Toilet Mike doesn't sound so great.
FMF©: This was in the disco years, right?
MP: Uh-huh. The record was produced by the same guy that did that one Boney M song? Sweet guy. Ooh yeah. Ooh yeah!
FMF©: It was a hit, especially in Germany, I understand, but it was kind of pivotal in your life, wasn't it?
MP: Sure. The record came out, and so did I! [laughs] 
FMF©: What about reconciling your Christianity with being homosexual?
MP: I don't see any disconnect there. The Bible is like a gay handbook. God was gay. Jesus, the disciples, Judas, that one guy that had the leprosy, the prodigious son ... the, uh ... fish ..
FMF©: The fish?
MP: Yeah. Feeding the five thousand.
FMF©: The fish were gay?
MP: Come on, girlfriend! You ever see anything gayer than a fish? 
FMF©: Hmm. Well, maybe some of those tropical dudes.
MP: Nemo was gay.
FMF©: Moving right along ... coming out didn't hinder your rise through the Washington ranks?
MP: [laughs] It helped! A lot of those guys are, well, I better not say anything too specific here. But yeah, it's a big White House thing. A lot of guys crying in the toilets. Lonely guys. In great suits. Republicans. I try to mentor them, get them to, you know ... you ever seen Lindsey Graham's eyes? Wow! There's a man with pretty eyes! To see those baby-blues full of tears ... but hey, Farq! You work out? That's some good definition for a guy your age ... wanna lemme work those delts, big guy?
FMF©: Whoops! Is that the time?

3 comments:

  1. Damn, that's some funny sh*t!
    Thanks for the laugh, I really needed it... I do believe I'm going to be spending some time here based on this Mike "Meat Rack' Pence interview. My hat is off to you Sir Farquhar Throckmorton III - thanks again!

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    Replies
    1. Gee, Mark! I'm happy you see some humor in the piece, but I'm not sure Meat Rack Mike would appreciate your getting a rise - I think that's the right phrase - out of his firm stance - I think that's the right phrase.

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  2. Right Phrase Indeed...
    ONWARD thru the Fog!

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